My daughter, known online as Little Miss R, is out of school early this week because of parent-teacher conferences. Since we have extra time together, I asked if she wanted to do an interview. But we could never decide if she was going to interview me or if I would interview her, so…this is what we wound up with. I transcribed, and she made sure I got all the spelling and punctuation just the way she wanted it.
Me: Hi, Little Miss R. How are you?
LMR: Purty good. My back still hurts.
Me: Why does your back hurt?
LMR: Who knows?? [extravagant arm gesture]
Me: What was the most fun thing you did today?
LMR: Recess. I played with my friends. What was your most fun thing you did today?
Me: Hmmm. Maybe when I took a nap. Or maybe when we sat together and ate popcorn while you watched Adventure Time and I read my book.
LMR: That was purty fun.
Me: Do you want to ask another question?
LMR: No, your turn.
Me: Ok. Who do you want to be for Halloween?
LMR: Prolly Fiona or something [an Adventure Time character]. [very clear on use of “purdy” and “prolly” as preferred spellings] What’s your favorite food?
Me: Noodles. Noodles pretty much always sound good. And they can be part of spaghetti or pho or really any kind of food. How about you?
LMR: BACON. [caps lock required]
Me: I could have guessed that. 🙂 What do you think is the best part of being a writer?
LMR: Staying home all day. Cause you can take a nap or read a book or play a game any time of the day.
Me: BUSTED. [LMR was off early today, so I took a nap when she was home at a time I wouldn’t have been working anyway. Does that make it better or worse?] You don’t think you would get lonely if you were home all the time? You like to be around people a lot.
LMR: Yeah, but when I get old, I can have a phone and I can have Skype. So I can do that whenever I want. (I am creative.) [parentheses specified]
Me: If you wrote books, what kind would they be? Wait, you have already written some books.
LMR: They were pirates who love underwear* and I’m writing one about a weird horse. You know about the pirates who love underwear book? I’m writing one about pirates who love pants. Purple pants.
Me: Why purple?
LMR: I don’t know. It’s just a weird color. And underpants is weird so the pants have got to be weird.
Me: And what do you think about the books I write? Are they weird too?
LMR: No, they’re just kind of boring because it’s only about love and presents and mysteries. Wait, not the mystery thing. Just love and presents are boring. Also, it’s kind of weird that you’re writing a book about love and presents, because the presents mostly just love cards and flowers.** And there’s kissing. Don’t forget kissing. Blaaaaeeeeeggggghhhhhh. [she spelled that last word out herself]
Me: You’re eight. It’s fine that you don’t like my books! They’re for grown-ups. And your stories are for kids, so that’s cool.
LMR: Yeah. What’s your favorite color?
Me: Gray. Do you want to go watch some more Adventure Time?
LMR: SHYAHHH. [typed by LMR. It means “yeah,” but more so.]
Uh, ok, that kind of wound up being an ad for Adventure Time. Anything else you would want to ask either of us? She’ll be home early again, so I can run questions by her.
*Yes, this is a comic book she wrote and drew. It is called, not surprisingly, “Pirates Who Love Underwear.” In the story, two pirates dig up a solid gold pair of underwear, then fight over who gets it and repeatedly steal it from each other. First in a series, apparently. I can’t wait for the pants story.
**Is she thinking of Valentine’s Day here? I’m not sure.