Initially, I was going to blog about my new book, FALLING FOR FORTUNE. I really love this story. It’s book five in the current Fortunes of Texas series. It features Christopher Fortune Jones, a tortured hero who is suffering an identity crisis, and Kinsley Aaron, a strong level-headed heroine, who helps him find himself.
But then something funny happened on the way to the blog. My daughter and I found ourselves cast as the strong, level-headed heroines of our own story — or at least we were trying to be. Please let me tell you about it.
We moved College Girl home from school for the summer on Monday. The Norwegian drove the U-Haul. College Girl and I drove her car home. The entire day, everything went like clockwork. She had done a great job getting mostly packed. What wasn’t packed was nicely organized. In no time at all we were ready to head for home. The only thing was she had conveniently forgotten to fill up the car with gas. Imagine that.
She and I stopped at the gas station before we got on the highway. Since she is a princess, I paid for and pumped the fuel. Of course. Really, I didn’t mind because she’s a pretty good kid and I was so glad to see her. We had so much catching up to do. She rolled down the window to talk to me as I gassed up the car. Mid-conversation, she shrieked and jumped up on her seat, yanked off her flip flop and started pounding the passenger side floor.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“A bug! A bug! A bug! A great big palmetto bug just flew in here!”
“Oh. Ew. Really??”
Who knows what a palmetto bug is? Those of you who do probably also said, “Oh. Ew. Really??”
For those of you who don’t know…imagine the biggest cockroach you’ve ever seen. Now put wings on it and give it fearless flying superpowers. They fly at anything. I think they’re attracted to screaming and flailing arms.
**Note: I just Googled palmetto bug and discovered that the AVERAGE size is around 1.6 inches long. College Girl swore the one that flew at her was gargantuan. That’s what they look like. And don’t forget they fly. —>
She climbed out of the car.
“Did you get it?” I asked.
“No? How could you miss? I thought it was gargantuan?”
“It WAS. And it climbed up behind the glove compartment.”
“Oh. Ew. Really?”
“I think so,” she said. “Because I don’t know where it went.”
I climbed onto the front passenger seat, armed with her flip flop and a pizza special door hanger. With my butt in the air, I slapped and poked around until I was sure that the bug wasn’t in the car. Five or ten minutes later (how can you measure time at a moment like this?) I realized that the bug probably wasn’t coming out – maybe it crawled out into the engine – and guy at the pump next to us was watching us intently.
And he was laughing.
“Need some help?” he asked.
Clearly, he found our predicament amusing. The nerve.
“No, I think we’re good,” I said.
College Girl suggested we start the car to see if the sound and heat of the engine would drive it out. That’s when I remembered the time I saw a gecko in my car and recalled how it disappeared, never to be seen again. That was years ago and I never found the lizard – dead or alive.
“I’ll bet the bug got out,” I said. ”Those nasty things can squeeze through a tiny crack. Besides, we can’t spend the night here at the gas station. Don’t you think we should go?”
So, we set off, both acutely aware of the fugitive flying roach.
“So, do you think we should make a plan just in case the bug comes out?” College Girl asked. “Just in case it flies out when we’re on the interstate. So that we don’t freak out and have a wreck?”
Oh, dear God.
“Not a bad idea,” I said, suddenly having visions of us traveling on the crowded highway, and the bug either flying at me as I drove, or making its way over to the driver’s side, dropping onto my ankle and crawling up my pants leg.
Are you mentally doing the “icked-out dance of repulsion” as you read this?
I reminded myself over and over again that I could NOT – under any circumstance – do that dance. Even if the bug flew at me and landed on my nose as I drove. If I freaked out, it could cause a deadly crash. That thought instantly sobered me. Do any of you remember the blog I posted a year ago about our headlights going out on the way home from one of College Girl’s school concerts? This is the same scary highway.
So, we spent the next bit of time devising “the bug evacuation plan.”
If the bug appeared, we would both remain CALM. College Girl would CALMLY say the word, “Bug.” There would be no screaming. No swatting. No swerving. And definitely no impromptu “icked-out dances of repulsion.” She would CALMLY roll down the windows (so that it could fly out if it was so inclined). I would CALMLY keep both hands on the wheel and both eyes on the road and SLOWLY guide the car over to the shoulder. Then I would remain CALM and NOT jump out into the path of an oncoming car as I hopped into the “icked-out dances of repulsion.” I would CALMLY let myself out, being mindful of oncoming cars, and get well into the grass, then I was free to break into the dance.
We both laughed and acknowledged that if we had such a plan in place that the bug, who was probably winging its way around the gas station back in her college town, would never emerge. Hahaha!
About an hour into our trip, College Girl gasped. In her quiet, CALM hysteria, she might’ve even uttered a word that is not normally in her vocabulary. All this mama heard was a composed, “Bug.”
Keeping my eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel, I said, “Oh! Ew. Really?”
She did not roll down the windows. Instead, she started beating the ever living daylights out of the passenger side floor mat.
“Got it,” she said.
“Really?” I hadn’t even had a chance to pull off onto the side of the road.
“Good job,” I said.
We agreed that we would stop at the next exit, which happened to have a Dunkin Donuts, and dispose of the evidence and then reward ourselves for remaining so calm in the face of danger.
I would like to celebrate our level-headed victory with you. Tell me if you’ve ever had a situation where you remained calm even though it would’ve been very easy to freak out. What did you do? Or what would you have done if you’d been in our car? Would you have stayed in the college town until the bug emerged (keeping in mind that it might not have crawled out as fast as it had flown in) or would you have gotten on the highway? Five people who post on this blog will each receive a copy of my new book, FALLING FOR FORTUNE.