It is a truth universally acknowledged that writers cannot talk about their books until they’ve written up and memorized several sentences. In the raw, we sound like this:
Interviewer/ Kevin the UPS Man/my cousin: “Hey, Kristan! Working on anything new?”
KH: “Yes! Yes, I am. Very busy these days, very! Do you ever feel schizophrenic? Because, wow…anyway, what? Um, oh, yes a new book! I am, yes. It’s a book, of course, and there’s a hero in it, and he’s very very hot…I’m not sure what his name is, but we’re already in love. And the heroine? So funny. Oh, there’s this scene in my head? I’ve acted it out with my pillow several times, and the kissing is so hot, wow! Do you who Tom Hardy is? I love that guy. What was the question again? What’s the book about? Um…I’m not sure.”
Since 2002, I’ve written thirteen books and one infamous 93-page outline. Eleven of those books have been or will soon be published. One might be published someday, and one will be burned with me upon my cremation.
I have still not managed to talk about any one of those coherently, at least not at first, not while the book was new. My editor is so patient with me. I can hear myself talking (and talking and talking), and I can imagine her smiling and nodding, waiting expectantly, her eyes kind as I go on (and on and on). “There’s this scene? In a restaurant, okay, and he comes in, her old fiancé, but she panics, right? Oh, wait, I forgot to tell you. I was thinking the hero could have this stepson. Well, not a stepson, maybe a cat. Or not a cat, but a cockatoo! Has anyone done a cockatoo lately?”
So I hang up, put away the Nutella, take a shower, as I am now drenched in sweat, and type of a few sentences. “Heroine has always wanted (fill in blank here). When (hilariously bad thing) happens, she tries (something). But that doesn’t work, so she tries (a different something, also funny). When she meets Hottie McHotness, she worries that he’ll realize she’s a twit. But he loves her instead, and they make beautiful babies. The end.”
This is generally what my synopsis looks like.
Like my books, I’m a work in progress.
Is there a subject you can’t discuss without becoming flustered?