14 Comments
Leave a Comment
Share:
I read an article recently which provided two opposing viewpoints on the topic of Christmas gift giving to adult children. One person said parents shouldn’t cut back. The other said when an adult child reached the age of 25, their parents should cut back on the gift giving.
I’m not sure where they came up with the magic age of 25. I guess it’s as good as any although it seems to make more sense to cut back after a child graduates from high school or college or when they get married.
I have an adult child and I still spend the same amount. I guess I’ve never felt that just because she reached a certain age I should cut back on how much I want to spend. Note, I said “want” to spend.
I don’t buy her gifts because she expects them or I feel pressured to do it, I buy them because I like to shop and surprise her with gifts I know she’ll enjoy. Now, if money were a factor, I’d cut back and not feel one bit guilty.
Now when I turned eighteen my parents cut waaaaaay back (and believe me I never got that much to start with). Of course they weren’t really gift giving kind of people. Some of it was financial. Some of it was that they believed, unless you were a child, one gift was simply…good enough.
I’d be interested to know where you fall on the gift-giving scale. Do you think adult children should receive less gifts from their parents once they reach a certain age? If you do, what age do you think that should be?
Filed in: Jaunty Post
Dec 11th
2010
8:04 am
Nonny Said:
I don’t have children, but I’m 25 and my parents still don’t cut back on holiday gift giving. Their attitude is that I’m still their kid, no matter how old I am.
That said, what they’ve given has changed some. Since my husband and I, like many people in this economy, are having a rough time, they’ve offered more practical alternatives for gifts. For instance, while I know I have a lot of smaller items for the holidays, my “big” present this year is a $150 credit on our local vet’s tab so we can get our kitty’s spay operation and shots done. I know there are a lot of people that would be put out by this (my sister certainly would!) but I really appreciate it because my kitties are family, too, and we otherwise wouldn’t be able to get it done for awhile since my husband is unwell and not getting full hours at work.
-
Dec 11th
2010
9:55 am
Emily McKay Said:
I think my parents probably started scaling back on our presents when we had kids. They don’t spend as much on us, but spend more total. Considering I didn’t have my first until I was 34, that’s many years of gift giving.
Of course, we’ve always done Christmas pretty big. Tons of gifts, even when money was tight and half the presents were very small things and the other half were wrapped necessities like new underwear. And my sister and I had presents under the tree from Santa every year until my sister got married.
So in short, I’m always in favor of gifts! (That’s assuming there’s money for it. I would never expect presents if they couldn’t afford them.)
-
Dec 11th
2010
11:31 am
Shana Said:
My parents cut back when I got married, but they also added my husband. I thought that was fine. He and his family added me as well.
-
Dec 11th
2010
11:47 am
catslady Said:
My mom didn’t start cutting back until my niece starting having a ton of babies (7). My sister had kids 15 years before me and I’m still waiting for grandchildren lol. I have always overspent at Christmas and hate that this year I can’t do as much. My girls are 26 and 23 and one is married but I still would like to give just as much or more.
-
Dec 11th
2010
12:32 pm
Donna Ann Said:
My mom’s approach was once you got married, you were no longer under the tree (other than maybe a small gift). I tease her that that’s one of the reasons I’m still single
. She has cut back some over the years. The older you get the harder it is to buy things for–you already have so much, harder to know size & style preferences, etc. Also, as she’s gotten older, her income has become “fixed” with less excess spending money. I’d rather she spend it enjoying doing things herself than worry about spending it on me (& I’m sure that my siblings feel the same). I’m at the point where I can buy myself what clothes or household items I need/want; a nice year round present is knowing that mom is enjoying herself and living comfortably in her retirement.
-
Dec 11th
2010
1:18 pm
Nancy Robards Thompson Said:
Like you, Cindy, I love to give my daughter gifts. Not because she expects them, but for the sheer pleasure of shopping for her and seeing how happy and grateful she is when she opens them. I love to buy things for her – more so than for myself. As long as finances allow, I won’t cut back, but, I must add, she is the type of person who would understand if necessity caused us to tighten our belts.
-
Dec 11th
2010
1:24 pm
Kirsten Said:
I’m a “few” years past 25 and I still get gifts at Christmas. I don’t think my parents ever had a set amount which they spend on gifts. So I’m not sure if they pay less now I’m an adult. I can’t clearly remember if they used to buy me more stuff, maybe probably. Does it really matter how much is spend, as long as it’s given in love I say: who cares.
-
Dec 11th
2010
2:29 pm
Cindy Kirk Said:
Nonny,
I think the Vet credit is a fabulous gift. Of course, I’m a practical type of person, too.
Emily,
Like you, I’m a big fan of a lot of small gifts…especially if it’s a book I’ve mentioned wanting or a favorite lip gloss.
Shana,
I think a lot of parents scale back when a child gets married for the reason you gave, there’s another person to buy for… the spouse!
catslady,
I’ve found that sometimes when the child gets older, they appreciate and need the gift so much more than when they were young.
Donna Ann,
I feel that way about my mother-in-law…I buy what I want for myself and I hate her spending money out of her fixed income on me. So…we just try to give her a lot more to compensate….and, of course, because we want to…
Nancy,
Knowing your daughter, I truly believe she would understand…and so would mine!
Surely there are some more of you out there with an opinion??? It’s cold and blowing snow where I live, so I’m inside keeping warm and would love to hear what you have to say.
-
Dec 11th
2010
7:26 pm
Mary M Said:
Hi Cindy,
Hope you have a cozy fire, a good book, and a favorite cat on your lap! I don’t understand why someone would suggest that parents stop giving Christmas presents to their own kids when they turn 25. If money is an issue, a family will adapt at any age. When parents with adult kids are feeling pinched, I think historical family items and pictures make beautiful gifts and spark good memories.
-
Dec 12th
2010
1:12 pm
Cindy Kirk Said:
Mary M.
I LOVE your suggestion about giving historical family items and pictures as gifts!
-
Dec 12th
2010
11:59 pm
GladysMP Said:
I don’t feel that a certain age should decide gift giving. So much depends on the financial situation, the need for gifts, the number of children a parent must give gifts, and so many other factors. It isn’t the number of gifts or their value that keeps a child feeling they have been thought of and loved. Even a token gift can mean so much if given from the heart.
-
Dec 13th
2010
8:51 am
Cindy Kirk Said:
Gladys,
<>
I couldn’t have said it better!
-
Dec 15th
2010
2:11 pm
Jeanne Miro Said:
At my age my thinking is from the parent angle instead of the child. Since both my boys are in their late 30′s and have families the gift giving shift has gone from child to grandchildren!
For the grandchildren we usually gift books and a small “gift” and then also include a check (amount depending on currently economic situation) to put into their college savings plan.
Instead of exchanging gifts with our children we usually donate to a charity of needy family and they do the same. None of us are “well off” but since they live in a diffent state it seems costly to ship when so many families have even less than we do to makes sense during this time of “giving” to share with others. Last year we sent a check for a cure for breast cancer in honor of my daughter-in-law’s mother who had undergone surgury that year.
-
Dec 15th
2010
8:31 pm
Cindy Kirk Said:
Jeanne,
I think the charity idea is a wonderful one.
Merry Christmas!
-