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A while back, I wrote about certain trends I saw in romance novels—the heroine’s hair grows curlier the more she falls in love, for example, or the hero’s ability to dance a tango on a moment’s notice. Fun to read about or watch? Absolutely. True to life? Ah…no. Yet I love them anyway…well, mostly. Classics, we can call them. Or clichés. And I’ve used them too, so don’t think I’m getting all preachy here. Just observing, folks, just observing.
Everyone around me is selfish, mean, and well, pure evil, but I barely notice because I’m a saint. Granted, family members and coworkers, frenemies and old chums can push and prod all the most sensitive buttons, but come on. Show a little spine! Or even better, show some nice qualities in those evil siblings. The “I’ve always cared for her ever since our mother died” excuse just ain’t enough.
Thank goodness I have a wiser-than-his/her-years child advising me on my romantic disasters! I’ve never had a kid advise me on my love life. The kids in my life are good at telling me which Pokémon characters have the most power, sure. How to build a Lego structure in under five minutes using 2293 pieces, check. Why the hot guy I’ve always loved continues to ignore me? No! They have NOTHING! Clearly I must trade in these children for savvier, more observant children. Sorry, kids. I love you, but you’re not holding up your end. Yes, of course I’ll still buy you good presents. Don’t panic.
I’m a totally hot, red-blooded successful, good-hearted guy, but I’ve been celibate for several years now. Men think about sex every six seconds, right? So if you’re all of the above, what are you? A castrati? Seriously…no nooky? None? For how long? Honest? Really? Where have you been living? Prison? A desert island? Because otherwise, mister, I think you may need a trip to the doctor. By the way, you’re welcome for the picture of Mr. Butler there. I know!
Though I am shockingly beautiful, amazingly wealthy and extraordinarily talented, was educated by nuns in the Swiss Alps, speak seven languages and currently have my own Secret Service detail, I’m really just a regular joe. That’s right. She may be an heiress, but she loves swilling Budweiser with the coal miners and goes on to kick their butts at the pool table. This woman can cut loose, folks! She is so down-to-earth! Really, lady? Did finishing school have classes in pool/craps/poker? Did it? Really? Huh?
If I make you an omelette, it’s a sign that I’m one of the good guys. Just once, I’d like to see a guy whip up some Kraft dinner or call out for a pizza. Or burn the omelette! Granted, cooking for someone can definitely be a sign of love. But why omelettes? Why not a ham sandwich or chicken divan? Oops…Uh, Higgins? In your fourth novel, the hero makes heroine an omelette. And he doesn’t burn it. Right. Well, told you it was a cliché.
You can tell I’m oozing with testosterone because I drive a wicked awesome car. And not just drive, baby. This car and I are one. It’s a Porsche—he keeps it in the barn under a tarp, and no mice live in the engine. Listen, missy. He rebuilt the beauty from an old soda can and a fender. It’s taken him years, but it’s perfect now. Which shows how committed he can be to you. (Or something.) Or, he’s filthy rich and drives the cars that make James Bond drool with envy. And he handles that thing, know what I’m saying? Which shows how good he is in bed. (Or something.) By the way, the picture? You’re welcome for that, too. 
Okay, fess up! Are there romantic clichés that you could skip for a while? Tired of the cute dog (please, God, not that!), the nosy older relative, the perfect sister? Don’t want to see any more bets made in bars? Sick of…well, you tell me! What’s the difference between a classic and a cliché, or is there really any difference? I’ll pick a commenter and send her an ADVANCE COPY of All I Ever Wanted, available everywhere on August 1.
Filed in: Jaunty Post
Jul 6th
2010
4:24 am
Fran Said:
Nice
I’m really tired of “instant attraction”, you know that scenario where he knows that she’s the one for him somewhere on the second page of the book and of course he has to bed her that minute…
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Jul 6th
2010
6:52 am
Sandra G. Rogers Said:
The heroine is so helpless the hero thinks she can’t handle any crisis. She needs protected and helped in everything crisis that comes her way.
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Jul 6th
2010
6:53 am
Jeannie Said:
The romance cliche that annoys me most is the “big misunderstanding.” You know, the one that could easily be worked out if the hero and heroine would just have a conversation. It keeps them apart for a few more chapters and then a minor explanation clears up the problem. “Poof!” It’s all better.
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Jul 6th
2010
7:31 am
Jennifer Glew Brady Said:
Yes Jeannie! I was going to say the exact same thing! I’ve just stopped reading a book right in the middle if that exact plot line gets too ridiculous. Oh! You thought I was an evil murder this whole time? Nevermind, I forgive you. It’s all cleared up now. Lets go to bed.
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Jul 6th
2010
6:59 am
runner10 Said:
I am sick of the helpless female. I like to see females portrayed as strong, smart women.
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Jul 6th
2010
7:15 am
Laura Said:
The alpha male who is all knowing. Ugh. I toss those books and put the author on the “do not buy” list.
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Jul 6th
2010
7:19 am
Laura Said:
Point of clarification, I can tolerate an alpha male in a historical novel because that’s true to the time period. But, it can only take it so far or I’ll pitch it too. In a contemporary though, I have very little tolerance for the all knowing alpha male who treats the woman like simple minded property.
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Jul 6th
2010
7:24 am
Kristan Higgins Said:
Some good comments out there! I think the helpless, quivering heroine is a thing of the past (at least I hope so!)…as for alpha males, I love them. As long as they’re not jerks. I hear what you’re saying, Laura. I think I could pass on the drunken karaoke/singing into a hairbrush scene with the heroine and her BFFs. Seen enough of those to last for a decade or two…
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Jul 6th
2010
7:28 am
Charity Said:
I could do without the perfect bodies. Would love to have the heroine not be a perfect perky size 6. I’d like to see the heroine with a realistic shape and the confidence to go with it.
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Jul 6th
2010
8:14 am
Elvira Said:
Ahhh Charity… “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Catherine Lintz. Great book for that non-perfect size with the confidence to go with her attitude
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Jul 6th
2010
7:33 am
Jennifer Glew Brady Said:
Oh No! My younger (prettier, loved by my mother more) sister is getting married before me and making me wear a hideous dress!!
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Jul 6th
2010
7:43 am
Karen Said:
How about the celibate man who drives a hot car?
I’m tired of the heroines with shoe fetishes. Or addictions to purchasing name labeled things. I’m clueless in this area (and hate wearing high heels – love the look, not the blood and pain associated with them) and all I know about expensive designers comes from novels/TV. Send her to TJ Maxx or Marshals. Not a penniless heroine, mind you, just a real one.
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Jul 6th
2010
7:46 am
donna ann Said:
I’m with Jeannie — the “big misunderstanding that wrecks massive confusion/problems galour” that is really just a minor item that if someone had bothered to say anything (even snarkie comment about it) would have been instantly resolved instead of overblown and dragged out to extreme where you just want to throw the book and beat all the characters involved upside the head to knock in an ounce of sense. (Not that I find that particular plot device annoying in the least
)
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Jul 6th
2010
7:55 am
Andrea Said:
Affairs–I know! I know! They are a big part of many romance novels. But seriously, can’t the author be a little more creative? And let me clarify: some novels I’ve read do them well with a twist or something. But the “Oh no, my husband cheated on me with his secretary. Can I forgive him or do I leave him?” routine–I’m soooo over it. Great post Kristan! I love the days I log on and find a new post from you. Can’t wait for All I Ever Wanted! I’ve been patiently waiting for what seems like FOREVER!
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Jul 6th
2010
7:56 am
thea Said:
i don’t like when the ‘best friend’ character has to interpret the behavior between the hero and heroine when they have a ‘big’ misunderstanding between them. (ex. ‘she comes from a broken home, that’s why she doesn’t trust you, mr. bond. i’m her best friend, i know everything. but i’m not supposed to say anything. but here’s a little hint the size of the empire state building to stick in your eye.’) some solvable by just being honest. for gosh sakes, folks! i want some real conflict!
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Jul 6th
2010
8:03 am
Jessica Said:
I can do without the heroine thinking she’s just average in the looks department. Obviously, she has to be somewhat attractive to snag the sexy hero. Women can be beautiful and smart. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I like the heroine to be confident in her appearance no matter what she looks like.
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Jul 6th
2010
8:03 am
ksmsk22 Said:
I think Jimmy Buffet sings it well: Beauty and Brains, the best of both worlds! We need more romance writers who include both!!! But, who doesn’t want to be helped out of a predicament by a handsome man? I married an alpha male who can cook, do laundry and sends me flowers, just because. He travels a lot, that’s his downfall. But, it does allow us to go to ND games for free (hotel, airfare, rental car discount.) So, there’s always a trade-off.
Looking forward to your next book, Kristan!
I love all of the movies posted here. Gerard Butler would make a great guy in one of your movies. We LOVED P.S. I Love You and The Ugly Truth,too. I guess my recent hair growth (and mostly curls) is the result of our romance!
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Jul 6th
2010
8:15 am
Kristan Higgins Said:
You guys crack me up! Re: the big misunderstanding…I remember a book where the heroine assumed (based on nothing) that the hero was gay. “If only he was straight!” was the entire conflict. Yawn. She was the ONLY ONE who thought he was gay, too, by the way, so a simple, “If only Jake weren’t gay” would’ve cleared everything up…
I loved in 27 Dresses that Katherine Heigl was the ugly sister. Come on, people? Why? Because she had brown hair? Really?
K, thanks for the Gerard comment. I think he’d be good in my anything…books, kitchen, shower…
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Jul 6th
2010
8:24 am
Elvira Said:
How about that “My sister is the better and prettier one and I am just taking up space, she is getting married and I have to be happy for her even though she has put me through hell all my life and treats me like crap” Ah yes and the heroine doesn’t get mad she just accepts it all and moves on. Oh and don’t forget the explanation of why she treated her like that all her life and then they become best friends and all is well in the world. yeah I don’t think so!!!!
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Jul 6th
2010
8:29 am
Kristan Higgins Said:
I have to say that the movie 27 Dresses hit me that same way, Elvira. That sister was such a cliche and Jane took so much crapola from her, I just stopped believing. Ah, well. But sisterly rivalry is a very real thing…not that my sister and I EVER experience it, of course not, despite the fact that she’s younger, taller, better dancer and has great hair and our mother loves her best. I’m just saying.
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Jul 6th
2010
8:41 am
Laurie Said:
I love “real” characters that I can relate to. I find it hard to read about the hero that is a billionaire (how many of those are there in the world anyway?) or is a bigshot CEO. It’s a great fantasy, but I really prefer reading a story that makes me go “yeah, I can believe that.”
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Jul 6th
2010
8:41 am
Toni Andrews Said:
Let’s see — how about the totally unsuitable woman that the hero is hooked up with before he meets the heroine? You know, the demanding, vindictive bitch with the supermodel body that makes the poor heroine feel fat, ugly, and inconsequential.
Oops, I used that one in SNOW BLIND (My Virginia Reede title in A RED HOT NEW YEAR.)
Well, like you said, cliches are cliches for a reason…
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Jul 6th
2010
8:45 am
Stephanie Said:
Kristan, you had me at “Daniel Craig” on Facebook… so here I am. I love the cliche that the heroine’s family is quirky, weird and disfunctional and she must, MUST have this hero in order to create a family that is more stable…It’s not usually as explicit as that, but it’s implied in a lot of novels/movies. But it might be true -I can actually relate to that scenario!
Oh, and for the record, Callahan O’Shea burns absolutely nothing (except his own amazing hotness.)
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Jul 6th
2010
8:49 am
Kristan Higgins Said:
No, Cal’s omelette is PERFECT…as is his smokin’ hot…oops, must keep this PG. Toni, I think we should start a chant. “No more supermodels! No more supermodels!” But then again, it’s a classic. Mean pretty girls get the nice guys. See high school for reference.
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Jul 6th
2010
8:53 am
Jess Tudor Said:
The omelette! I didn’t realize it was cliche because, frankly, the only thing my husband can cook IS an omelette!
The big misunderstanding bothers me most. Or the refusal to change even when something is revealed because it has always been otherwise, and having the character accept that would necessitate finding another conflict or moving the plot forward. Two writers I really like did this in books recently and I wanted to murder the heroines. GET OVER IT.
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Jul 6th
2010
8:58 am
Kara C Said:
Kristan,
It took my a while to get down to the ‘comment section’. I found myself going back up to take a second (and third and fourth) look at some of those pictures! And as delicious as it looks, I’m not talking about the omelette.
While I enjoy a good reunion story, it annoys me when the reunion takes place after YEARS apart, and conveniently neither of the people involved has been with anyone else. Really? Nine years apart and nothing? Often times the heroine has even saved her virginity for this long lost love. Throw in their separation stemming from one of the misunderstandings mentioned before, and you have a book I’d probably not read.
And while I’m on my rant, I’ll add that I really am tired of secondary characters, such as an ex-, a mother in law, a boss, being so one dimensionally bad. To me it makes for a much better story when all characters are multi faceted. Ok, I’m done… now back to check out those pics!
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Jul 6th
2010
9:07 am
Gail C. Said:
Oh man, I love/hate all these cliches. How about H/H who have real jobs. So tired of those with the cool, hot jobs… CEO, movie star, super cop/black ops, award-winning anything. How about receptionist, bank teller, insurance agent? Just because we have boring jobs doesn’t mean we don’t deserve love too, does it?
Let’s also ditch the May-December romances. Come on what do they really have in common, besides his kids being her friends and her dad can play golf with him! Don’t get me wrong Sean Connery is sexy (love that accent) but I really can’t see me kissing him.
I really love: “No more supermodels! No more supermodels!”
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Jul 6th
2010
9:07 am
Karen Lifshey-Shapiro Said:
4 Words… Sex And The City.
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Jul 6th
2010
9:11 am
Jennifer Fusco Said:
Here’s one that gets me Kristan. When the hero takes a hairbrush and brushes the heroines hair. Nothing says true love unless he’s willing to de-tangle.
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Jul 6th
2010
9:26 am
tamib Said:
I’m tired of the hero/heroine coming from an abusive home. I understand these characters provide a lot of conflict but usually not creative conflict.
Also, why do characters need off beat names? Can’t he just be Mike Jones or Steve Smith? Female names tend to be less flamboyant in my observations.
Still love them all though!
Tami
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Jul 6th
2010
9:31 am
kris Said:
the alpha male who thinks the heroine was just sitting there unable to move because she is so stupid and would screw it up, until he comes along and shows her how to do everything! does the guy really think she has been unable to complete even the simplest of tasks before he showed up??
also, the lack of communication leading to the big misunderstanding. have a freakin’ conversation, lay the cards on the table, simply ask the question you’re dying to know the answer to already!!
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Jul 6th
2010
10:04 am
Paula R. Said:
Loved the blog, and the comments are awesome. I don’t have much to add, since a lot of the suggestions are taken…LOL!!!
I love the chance meetings, one night stand stuff that leads to love. I know, meeting in bar, having really great slot A/slot B moments, and the disappearing act is a little cliche. But, I just love those. I might be the only one, but the finding each other again or meeting again later just does it for me. And, the discovery of who the characters are by each other…awwwww!!! I also like the island frolic for a couple of days, and the return to civilization to find out who characters really are. I know this may not make sense, but it is what it is, Kristan.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
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Jul 6th
2010
10:04 am
Nora Said:
Very tired of the helpless female role…yuck. I also cannot stand when a simple conversation will clear up a huge and stupid misunderstanding. Please…try communicating! Being misunderstood is so overrated. And…of course the gorgeous size 6,2,or 0 heroine. Really, Bobby, really? Must you be gorgeous to be a hero. I.THINK.NOT….and a little humor too, people! My, my, I guess I have a few issues to work out…if only I were thin, pretty, independently wealthy and bitchy!
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Jul 6th
2010
10:12 am
Quilt Lady Said:
I am tired of the helpless heroine. I like the strong heroines, the ones that can do for theirself and not depend on the hero to do it for them.
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Jul 6th
2010
10:15 am
Shana Said:
It annoys me when the heroine doesn’t realize the hero likes her…for like 350 pages. I mean, if he’s kissing you and following you around everywhere, and killing bad guys for you, don’t you think he might just have a thing for you? Doesn’t she even wonder if he MIGHT like her? Annoying!
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Jul 6th
2010
10:24 am
Shawn Said:
I had to laugh at the question today because my 18 y/o daughter just said to me last night “Mom, do you ever notice how in all the movies I watched as a little girl, the message was alway about the “princess” waiting on the prince to find her and take care of her….why couldn’t she take care of herself until she found her own?”.
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Jul 6th
2010
10:29 am
Daphne Said:
the thing i’m over is that the two main characters are attracted to each other, but maybe one is privileged & the other is someone who worked their way up, but they think they can’t be together because they were not raised the same way…please, this is the 21st century. do we really care anymore who our parents want us to be with? is snobbery still that rampant? guys, if you’re running a fortune 500 company that your family started, but you can’t pick your own woman, shame on you. girls, if you’ve worked your way out of the trailer park and are now a very successful lawyer/clothing shop owner/podiatrist, feel free to go after what you want.
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Jul 6th
2010
10:35 am
Kristan Higgins Said:
Yes, class differences are hard to pull off in a contemporary story. It’s one thing for the duke to marry a maid in 1812. Shana, loved your comment about not knowing he likes you. Hear, hear!
Really enjoying your comments, guys! And am taking furious notes!
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Jul 6th
2010
10:38 am
eap Said:
I thought I couldn’t have kids…
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Jul 6th
2010
10:42 am
Jess Said:
I get tired of the “virgin/manwhore” stories sometimes – don’t get me wrong, I’ve read plenty of them and some are on my keeper shelf…but every now and then it gets a little tiring. The woman is always the sweet, innocent, ignorant character in the bedroom and the guy is the experienced, pleasing, perfect lover because he’s slept with…well, EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN THE STORY! A story is sexier to me when the woman is just as strong and confident as the man…and it’s sexier if I don’t keep thinking that if I were the heroine of the story I would want to shower every time the hero touched me
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Jul 6th
2010
10:43 am
Karen Said:
I agree with many of the comments already posted. My biggest two pet peeves with most romances involve words. First of all, I can’t read a book where the hero has a frilly name like “Algernon” or something, even if it’s historical. Second, I hate it when the dialog doesn’t ring true. If I find myself thinking “No guy speaks this way!” or worse, “I’d lose respect for any guy who spoke to me like this” I have to put the book down. There are too many good ones out there for me to waste my time reading one that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
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Jul 6th
2010
10:58 am
Fawn Jovingo Said:
This is going to sound crazy but the guy who is so goodlooking and a wonderful person, yet hasnt been snagged already.. I mean I get its a romance novel. But in some of the books the guys had no past love no ronance to speak of,.. and your supposed to belive he is so wonderful and goodlooking.. Im sorry bit too farfetched at times
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Jul 6th
2010
11:32 am
Mightymom87 Said:
Well the things I dislike are pretty much already mentioned but some of the “cliches” I like aren’t so I’m going to go with that. I love the I knew her all my life and then she grew up to be a stunner and I just had to have her! or okay okay this may be bad but the boss and his underling just something about those I love! Or okay last one He sees her and knows he has to have her and usually any women would jump oh but no not this one she just isn’t going to fall for the womanizer so then HE must pursue HER because I am a little tired of her just falling head first and doing anything and everything to get her man! Great post Kristen!
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Jul 6th
2010
1:13 pm
Jennifer Glew Brady Said:
Oh yes. I like the known her all her life, but haven’t seen her in awhile,and now I see her in a whole new light(or the variation: Oh wait…you don’t have boy parts like I thought, you actually have girly parts instead.*scratches head*)
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Jul 6th
2010
11:42 am
rhea Said:
i really could do without the frumpy heroine who falls in love with God’s gift to women. she doesnt feel pretty/thin enough to deserve him. He falls in love with her anyway bec she’s normal and not like all the skinny/gorgeous ex-gfs. Give me a break!
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Jul 6th
2010
11:43 am
Solveig Said:
I really don´t mind clichés so much :Ö) Except for the “man must have fancy car” one. To be honest I don´t get it. When I see a fancy car (preferably a very old one) I never ever look at who is driving (or is that just me?)
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Jul 6th
2010
11:44 am
chey Said:
I’m tired of heroines that are too stupid/stubborn to stay safe and have to go out and put themselves (and others) in danger.
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Jul 6th
2010
11:58 am
Kristan Higgins Said:
The difference between a classic and a cliche, methinks, is the skill with which the writer handles the situation. Accidental pregnancies happen all the time…Man hos (hoes?) fall in love and stay faithful…bosses marry their assistants…women come in a size 6 and can still be nice (or so I’ve heard
).
Here’s one for you: Angry, successful, beautiful yet no longer ripe older female boss steals ideas from ingenue assistant. I could live without that one. Then again, in the right hands, it might be a great plot!
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Jul 6th
2010
12:10 pm
Bill Clark Said:
Well, I was going to comment, but then I saw I’m the wrong sex to win a copy of AIEW. Sniff.
And BTW, *my* heroine was educated at Miss Porter’s in Farmington and has a Diplomatic Security Corps detail. No cliches there, nosiree!
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Jul 6th
2010
12:20 pm
Phyllis Said:
The overly nasty alpha male and the doormat who won’t stand up to him. The perfect body and hair. The fantastic best-in-the-whole-world-at-XYZ instead of just normal people. The anachronisms that go too far.
I don’t want an ugly, weakling incompetent who follows every rule blindly, but let’s not go too far!
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Jul 6th
2010
1:01 pm
Kristan Higgins Said:
Yes, Bill…but does she know who’s pitching for the Brewers tonight?
Doormats…not cool. But I really don’t think there are too many doormat heroines who let the alpha dogs protect them anymore, do you?
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Jul 6th
2010
1:32 pm
Kathleen O'Donnell Said:
Okay if they look like Daniel, Liam or Gerard, they can be as cliche as they want.. But really I want a guy who knows what he wants in a woman and then gets the exact opposite.. Same with the heroine. Life should hold lots of surprises for us when it comes to love and romaance..
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Jul 6th
2010
1:46 pm
catslady Said:
I’ll go with the baby scenarios – the guy just can’t wait to raise someone else’s kid. The perfect father (or mother for that matter).
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