You are probably thinking that the title of this blog is a bit of a downer, huh? Or that I’m referring to my recent and current mental condition — my mind has been like a sieve lately, with everything simply leaking out into oblivion. LOL!

Actually, for those of you grunge rockers out there already know, those words are from a very popular song by Pearl Jam — Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town. The lyrics refer to those parts of life that fade with time — memories, thoughts, relationships, etc. It also happens to be the rather unorthodox music that I chose for the very traditional groom-dances-with-his-mother dance at my oldest son’s wedding almost four years ago.

You see, originally, after much gnashing-of-teeth and general wailing, I’d chosen a more appropriate song to dance with my son to at his wedding – a lovely song written by Carole King and sung by Emmy Lou Harris called “Child of Mine”. So appropriate that I burst into tears every single time I tried to listen to it! Clearly, it would be a warm and emotional moment when I turned my son over to the woman who now meant more to him than I do…. Um….not!  After listening to it, my son begged me not to use it. He knew what I knew–I would not cry discreetly at all, it would be open and loud bawling on his shoulder!  Not really wanting to have him and his lovely bride remember me for how much I cried (and therefore gave the wrong impression about being in favor of their marriage), I decided to do something I do well for special occasions – I lied!

I should explain that, huh?

I take pride in the fact that I can pull things over on my kids and hubby. I take aim at them for Christmas and birthdays and then lie ruthlessly in order to surprise them with a wanted gift or other desired present. I managed to surprise my youngest son with a Nintendo Wii when they were unavailable. I managed to sneak in tickets to various concerts and even planned a trip to Disney World without them knowing (at least too far ahead). So, in that same spirit, I approached THE SONG for his wedding. And when I thought about him as a teenager and them as a couple and the attitude they had about their wedding over all, I knew Pearl Jam was the answer.

The day before the wedding I made a CD of  “Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town” and gave it to the DJ at the wedding rehearsal, swearing him to secrecy. At the reception, when he called my son and I to the floor, my son kind of dragged his feet, expecting that other song and dreading it.  Then the music began and his face lit up and he smiled at me — knowing I’d pulled off another surprise. He laughed, his friends cheered and we danced. . .

And I cried anyway! LOL!

My son first became a fan of the group waaaaay back in the 1990′s when he was only 14 years old and the group was just getting some national attention. When he was 15, hubby and I took him and six of his friends (all that age!) to their first Pearl Jam concert in New York City. What an experience! We rented a big van, stocked coolers of food and soft drinks and off we went onto and across Staten Island, across to Brooklyn and onto Randall’s Island and the ancient Triborough Stadium next to the Triborough Bridge. Hubby and I sat in the rain, laughing at the boys who knew and sang every single word of every single song. It took us almost three hours to get out of the parking lot and off the island after the concert and three more hours to get home. Oh, what a day!

Then a couple years later, one of the patients I see in the dental office where I work turned out to be a roadie and he worked some Pearl Jam concerts. We would talk about those, and many others, when he would come in for his visits and one day he brought me in a treasure trove — Eddie Vetter guitar picks and handwritten set list from one of the concerts! I was proclaimed mother-of-the-century when I brought home those goodies!  I did it only to see the sparkle in my son’s eyes when I managed to surprise him yet again….

Pearl Jam - Hartford CT

Since then, Matt has found a kindred spirit in his wife and then tend to get to every Pearl Jam concert within driving or train-ing distance. I’ve gone with him a couple more times (took my youngest son to HIS first Pearl Jam concert a couple of years ago too) and tonight hubby and I will travel to NYC with them.  We’re going to be at Madison Square Garden enjoying the music and the company and I will be remembering that first concert and that dance and trying not to cry as I watch my baby growing up.

So, is there a musical group or singer or song that you associate with the emotional times in your life? Something to do with your kids? Hubby? Family? Special person? Post a note and tell me about it and why it’s so important and I’ll pick a winner who will receive a Pearl Jam CD (or we can choose another) and a copy of my current Brava anthology UNDONE.

Terri admits that she is waaay behind sending out blog and contest prizes but hopes to catch up now that her ‘assistant’ is back from college and ready to help! She’s also excited to be going to the huge BEA (BookExpoAmerica) in NYC next week to sign at both the Harlequin and RWA booths — and hopes that any readers or booksellers reading this who will be there will stop over and say hello to her during her first-ever appearance there! Visit her website at www.terribrisbin.com for more info

You all know I love makeup, so I thought I’d share some tips I’ve picked up along the way that I swear by

1. A white or nude eyeliner applied just inside the rim — along what is commonly called ‘the water mark’ — all along the length of the eye (top inside rim too!) will brighten your eyes and make them appear larger.

2. Applying light makeup (be it concealer, powder or foundation) to areas you want to highlight will brighten your face. Likewise, a darker shade or bronzer will contour. For example, apply a light concealer on the center of your forehead, down the length of your nose, on your cupid’s bow, top of cheeks and a little around your mouth. Apply the darker shade at your temples, under your cheekbones, along the sides of your nose, beneath bottom lip and around jaw line. Light color will bring highlight those areas and bring them ‘out’. The darker shade will make things recede.

3.  Lip liner will keep your lipstick on longer, and help prevent lip color from seeping into any lines around the mouth. Fill in your entire mouth to avoid a ring of lipstick around your lips later in the day/evening.

4. Gloss or a brighter color, such as gold, in the center of your bottom lip, on top of your lip color, will make your lower lip look fuller.

5. Do not ‘pump’ your mascara wand into the tube. You’ll get nasty bacteria in there. Swirl it. You can also blot mascara on a tissue before applying for less clumps.

6. Blend! That’s the key to everything. Blend your foundation into your skin, blend color as well. Think of it as polishing your face.

7. Apply foundation with a light hand. I like to use a flat top brush for cream foundation, and a more rounded one for liquid. A kabuki is perfect for mineral makeup. You shouldn’t use much more than a pea-sized amount — buff it into your skin for a flawless finish.

8. Primer is your friend. You can buy it for the face, for the eyes, even for the lips. It is a great product that will help your makeup stay on and keep from ‘sliding’ during the day, especially in the summer!

9. The best thing you can do for your face when getting ‘made up’ is make sure you are using the right color foundation. test it on your makeup-less cheek rather than your hand or neck, where the skin is usually a different shade. Get the sales person to help you if you’re not sure, or if there are no testers.

10. Clean those brushes! Bacteria can live on the bristles. You wouldn’t keep wearing the same shirt day after day, or eat dinner with the unwashed fork from breakfast, so don’t let makeup — especially brushes that have been used with creams.

That’s the best advice off the top of my head. Do you have any makeup tips? YouTube is great for finding makeup tutorials. My favorites are from pixiwoo — two Brit sisters who do amazing work!

It’s my husband’s birthday today. Happy 34th birthday, honey!

And here’s a weird thing. It’s also my ex-boyfriend’s birthday. I think I learned once, in an intro psychology class, that 1 in 40 people have the same birthday. Math types have argued with me when I quote this statistic, but when they sit down and do all the calculations, they usually figure out it’s pretty close to accurate. That doesn’t mean if you meet 40 people, one will have your birthday. It just means if you get 40 people together, chances are pretty darn good two of them will share a birthday.

Sharing a birthday with someone gives you an instant connection. I was born on December 25, and anyone who shares that birthday can automatically sympathize with the plight those of us with Christmas birthdays face. If I could choose my birthday, I would choose June 25. That’s six months from Christmas. That way I would get presents at equal intervals. I wouldn’t have to wait all year for December 25th to come around again.

Here’s another thing about birthdays—they affect your life more than you realize. My daughter was born at the end of September, and when I went to enroll her in a little day school program at our church for a day or two a week starting this Fall, I realized she will be the oldest in her class. I also realized she will always be the oldest in her class. I have several friends pregnant and due in early August. Their children will be in the same grade as my little one. How crazy is that? Their babies haven’t even been born yet, while mine is already sitting and eating applesauce and green beans. You can’t tell me that doesn’t translate into some advantage or disadvantage.

Here’s the disadvantage—my daughter will be about 20 days from being 5 when Kindergarten starts, but will she be able to begin Kindergarten? No, she’ll have to wait almost an entire year. But kids who might have turned 5 only 3 days before will start before her. That’s just crazy, I think. But I guess there has to be a cut-off, and no matter when it falls, some kid with some birthday will be on the winning or losing side. And I’m sure it all evens out by second or third grade, anyway.

What do you think about your birthday? Has it been a blessing or a curse? If you could choose your birthday, what day would you choose?

Kirsten and Karyn Gerrard are my winners today. Please email me at kathy@katherinegarbera.com with your snail mail addresses.

I originally wrote this piece for the chapter newsletter of First Coast Romance Writers, one of the writing chapters to which I belong.  Since I still love medieval romances and food (!), I thought I’d share my article here.  Enjoy!

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Here’s some food for thought.  Imagine that a tall, broad-shouldered man with tousled hair is striding through a flower-dotted field toward you.  His muscled chest, bronzed and bare to the afternoon sunshine, glistens with sweat that runs down to delineate the taut abs disappearing into his waistband.  Can you picture him?  He’s a tantalizing image, huh?

Would he be quite so delicious if I said he hadn’t bathed in months, his hair was infested with lice, and he had few teeth left because they’d rotted and fallen out?

I’ll bet your answer is “nope.”

Such is the quandary of writing about the Middle Ages.  People didn’t bathe often (maybe once a year), they didn’t practice good dental care, and common folk shared their homes with their livestock.  Daily life was so difficult, many people died before they reached their mid thirties, suffered chronic health problems that could be alleviated or cured today, and women and babies regularly died in childbirth.

Yet, when we think of the Middle Ages, most of us envision handsome knights on horseback, ladies in flowing gowns, and the civilized pageantry of kings and their courts, due, in part, to the romanticism the Victorians bestowed upon this era.  This was especially apparent in paintings by the Pre-Raphaelite artists such as John William Waterhouse and Dante Gabriel Rossetti.

Doubtless there’s a place in the publishing world for novels that honestly and thoughtfully explore medieval life.  However, as a romance writer—a scribe of popular commercial fiction with a goal to entertain today’s readers—I know my readership isn’t interested in stories about near-toothless heroes who stink and are constantly scratching their heads.  My strong-willed heroines wouldn’t be enticed by that, either.

With each book I write, I plunge my hands into a doughy dilemma between creating a realistic historical setting and delivering a story that appeals to clean-washed, cavity free, modern sensibilities.  I write about late twelfth century England because a deep love of history runs in my blood.  Thus, I’ve made a point of learning the basic ingredients of medieval life: I’ve visited castles and walked the wind-scarred sites of ruined keeps; watched archery displays; studied armor, swords, jewelry, coins, tapestries, and furniture in the British Museum; stood in the awe-inspiring grandeur of medieval churches; and pored over books of medieval recipes.  My reference books tell me what people ate, wore, and experienced in the different social levels.  But, as if I were making bread, I knead all of these ingredients in my own way, salt them with enough period details to flavor my story, and bake the fragrant dough in a modern convection oven.

Is there a secret ingredient?  I believe so.  My focus, ultimately, isn’t on the exact recipe, but the ladies and knights who live in the pages of my stories.  By creating strong, believable, multi-dimensional characters (and yes, mine do bathe with soap, in rivers or wooden tubs) we blend the differences between the people of eight hundred years ago and now.  For lords, ladies, knights, peasants, and readers of today all have the same universal goals, motivations, and conflicts, among them the desire to be loved, the anguish of betrayal and loss, and the need for honor and respect.

Through my characters, I hope my readers will savor my book right to the very last, tender word before setting it down with a satisfied sigh.  That, I trust, is a recipe that’s not only good, but a keeper.

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My new release, A Knight’s Persuasion, Book 4 of my Knight’s Series, is available now!  If you haven’t read the first three books, don’t worry.  All of the Knight’s Series titles can be read as stand-alone novels.

Here’s the blurb from the back of the book:

When Edouard de Lanceau, son of Moydenshire’s great Lord Geoffrey de Lanceau, finds an unconscious wounded woman lying in a river, he’s shocked to recognize Lady Juliana de Greyne, to whom he was once almost betrothed. The previous year, his bet with a friend to win her kiss went awry, and the commitment to her never proceeded. When Juliana’s sister deceived him into betrothing her instead, Edouard became honor-bound to wed her. Yet he still desires Juliana. Taking her in his arms, he vows to discover who would want her dead, and why.

While riding to an important meeting on behalf of his ill father, Edouard must face Lord Geoffrey’s enemies, who have returned to Moydenshire to destroy him. Taken prisoner and chained in a tower, Edouard must fight not only for his life, but for Juliana’s as well.

When Juliana wakes, she has no memory of who she is or what happened to her. She only knows she’s captive in a chamber alongside a man in chains who insists he knows her. For reasons unknown, her feelings for this stranger run strong. Were they once lovers—or is he a cold-blooded killer?

Determined to regain her memories and know the truth, Lady Juliana discovers that nothing can vanquish love or the power of A Knight’s Persuasion.

Excerpt from A Knight’s Persuasion
Catherine’s website

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What do you think?  Do you agree that historical romance writers should keep in mind the sensibilities of the modern reader, and portray their characters as reasonably clean and groomed?  Or, do you feel authors should be as true as possible to the time period?

We all know that telling a lie is wrong but we all still do it anyway. I’m not talking about big lies, but the little small white lies that we tell friends, acquaintances and even sometimes ourselves. Lies have a way of just becoming accepted sometimes. And in most cases that’s okay. But in some situations it can end up hurting you.

I started thinking about this “lie” that we tell ourselves in marriage when a friend of mine who was also going through a divorce after several years of marriage and I were talking.  And she said to me I was living a different lie than you were.  And I thought universally most women are telling themselves (and maybe men, I don’t know how men think!) some sort of half-truth about their marriage.
I was married for 17 years before I found out I was living a lie. Not a big lie that would hurt anyone but a lie that I had been telling myself. I had the “perfect” husband–everyone said so and that was the lie. I knew that my husband wasn’t perfect and that beyond the façade of our marriage it wasn’t solid. Yet at the same time I didn’t want to let on to anyone that it was less than perfect.
I’d made this image of a nice family where everyone was exactly as they were supposed to be and after a while it was hard to say things aren’t working out. Or my life isn’t what I’ve been pretending.
Now this lie didn’t hurt anyone…at least I don’t think it did. I think that most of us are telling little lies to ourselves to keep up the façade of being happily married or happily employed or whatever other role you are pretending at. I think that most of us are living a lie of some kind or another because in our society we are judged by what we are good at and frowned on by our failures.
A perfect case to prove this is the fact that two of my neighbors stopped talking to me when I got divorced. I no longer fit in on our street or in their eyes in a neighborhood. I didn’t have a husband to fill out the party partnering that happens in suburban American. Does that mean that I shouldn’t have been lying to myself all those years?
I don’t know.

I think this is one of those situations–the lies we all live–that is a necessary evil. I think if we are true with ourselves and admit that our lives aren’t perfect and if we can somehow become okay with it then maybe we can move on…I mean me–maybe I can move on.  But letting go of perfection is hard.

This is something I’ve been exploring in my writing. My upcoming book from Brava THE PIRATE features heroine Daphne Bennett and she had been living the lie of a perfection marriage with the perfect children until her husband pulled the rug out from under her and let the world know that all wasn’t as peachy as it had seemed.  She is facing her summer alone as her kids are going to their dad’s and she needs to escape. So she volunteers with Doctors Across Waters and heads off to Somalia finding more of an adventure than she expected to. Writing about Daphne gave me a chance to explore some of my feelings about my marriage and marriages in general. I still don’t have the answers but I think that I’m getting closer to them. It also gave me a place to explore what was different about me since my divorce.  Of course I didn’t have to face death to find those answers, which I think is a very good thing!

I’m not really talking about telling little lies to friends to make them feel good about what they are wearing or their new hair cut.  I’m talking pretending that your life is closer to perfect.  I guess also that sometimes we fake it before make it!
What about you, are you living a lie? Do you think that we all are in some way?
I have two copies of ARCs of THE PIRATE to give away to two blog participants today.

Happy reading!
Kathy

I’m starting to believe that technology is taking over our lives.

I’m traveling this weekend and on the plane I noticed how many passengers are texting, reading email on their phone (prior to take off, of course), listening to their ipods or working on their lap top.

Am I the only one who feels that conversation is becoming a dying art?

Teens break up with each other by texting. You go to meetings and no one makes eye contact because they’re too busy taking notes on their laptop.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my cellphone and my netbook but am I the only one who misses a little conversation?

The name had nothing to do with me picking her as the winner of my contest, but the fact that she’s looked after so many animals might have been a factor! Catslady please email me at katewriterATgmail.com and let me know what shelter you would like a donation made to. And thank you for being so big hearted!

I’ve been very fortunate that my husband has always been employed, and always had great benefits. This made it possible for me to be home a lot with our kids when they were growing up. I still worked as a nurse, but I was able to choose my hours – and I mostly worked the second shift, so we didn’t need to use babysitters very much.

Maggie Danvers, my heroine in The Rogue Prince, had a complete  schlub for a husband. She didn’t know what a jerk Julian was when he was alive, but now that he’s been dead for two years, she is learning things she’d rather not know. One is that the estate is in ruins. She has no credit, and her marriage portion has been used up. (That’s because her step-brother – her “guardian” – didn’t bother to put in any safeguards when he agreed to the marriage). Another thing Maggie has discovered is that her deceased spouse had multiple affairs. While he kept her stashed at their estate in the country, he frequently went into Town to take care of “business.” Funny business, actually.

So Maggie is in debt up to her eyeballs. And angry. She can hardly believe Julian left her in such terrible straits – not to mention beggared the estate their little son was to inherit. It’s unconscionable. However, Maggie has a talent that can earn her some money. A lot of money. She’s a caricaturist. And since she’s a viscount’s widow, she is invited to a lot of society gatherings, which gives her an opportunity to study and draw caricatures of society’s newest darling, the handsome Prince of Sabedoria – the rogue prince, himself.

Of course, in Maggie’s position during the Regency, she has to keep her work secret. If anyone knew she was earning her way out of debt, she would be laughed out of society. And, she doesn’t want the prince to find out that the woman with whom he’s engaged in a hot and heavy affair has been putting his face in the London papers every week.

It all works out in the end, of course – It’s a romance! But there are lots of women who end up in Maggie’s position for one reason or another.  Several of my friends found themselves in financial straits when their kids were young… Their husbands lost their jobs, or some investments went sour. Whatever the case, I was very surprised to discover that a number of these friends (stay-at-home-moms) were not willing to jump right in and help out. They viewed it as their husband’s responsibility to win the bread and support the family.

Now, maybe some of these husbands were schlubs like Julian and my friends really needed to hold their feet to the fire so they didn’t get too accustomed to hanging out in the den in front of the TV. I think some of these formerly professional women just had traditional values and could not give up the roles they’d evolved into. Me? I’d have been back to work full-time in the ICU within days. Not that I didn’t like staying home with the kids, but I loved my job, too!

What about you? What do you think a wife should do when things get tight?

Okay I’m totally cheating today because I’m up to my eyeballs in a deadline for a book that’s due Friday and I’m still behind. So today I’m sharing links to trailers for some upcoming summer movies that i’m super excited about.

Iron Man 2, which I realize is already in theaters, but no movies for me until my book is turned in. I’m a huge Robert Downy Jr. fan and I loved Iron Man, it’s probably my favorite of the super hero movies. And I loved how they incorporated the great Rock-n-Roll soundtrack for just an all-around kick-ass movie.

Robin Hood. No matter how many times hollywood remakes this story, I’ll always go see it. it’s the same for me with King Arthur and the Three Musketeers. Some stories are just timeless and while not all versions are created equal, they are almost always entertaining. And well, there’s Russell Crowe.

Letters to Juliet. It just looks so romantic. I’m such a sucker for a well-made trailer and so who knows if the movie will live up to the hype. But I’m telling you when that man comes riding up on that horse and they’re playing that Taylor Swift song, it nearly makes me swoon.

Prince of Persia. Yeah I realize this one has the potential to be a real stinker. But you know that’s what everyone said of Pirates of the Caribbean before it came out and it was great. So I’m hopeful Disney can pull it out again and bring us a great summer popcorn flick.

Killers. OMG how fun does this one look? Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigle in what almost looks like a remake of True Lies. Nothing better than a great comedic action flick, especially if it has a little romance thrown in.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. It’s like Fantasia come to life. Again I’m counting on Disney to deliver. I tend to like Nick Cage so I’m hopeful this will be a fun one.

There are others, but that’s the main highlights. And some movies I’m not interested in: Sex in the City 2 – I just never got into the show, and MacGruber – the ultimate proof that SNL skits should NEVER be made into movies (especially ones that just aren’t funny).

So which movies are you looking forward to this summer. Also, I haven’t forgotten about my contest winners from my blog last week, I’ll post the winners as soon as I turn this book in. Thanks for your patience.