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Goals are important to us. We make resolutions, hire life coaches, jot plans in planners and on calendars. Most of us set goals and want to achieve them.
I’ve had many goals throughout my life, some small and some big. I’ve wanted to run certain distances in certain times, win various awards, see people and places and things. If a goal I set is within my power, I usually accomplish it.
But lately I find myself having to revise my goals. Some of you know I have a new daughter. She’s five months old, and she doesn’t care if I write 10 pages a day or 25 a week or even if I get to go to the bathroom. She just wants to eat and play and nap (sometimes) and you wouldn’t believe how much time all of that takes or how exhausting it is.
Or maybe you already knew that and now you’re smiling indulgently at me.
But I’m not altogether clueless. I’ve tried to adjust. I’ve tried to make more reasonable goals, goals I don’t have to kill myself to accomplish. But there are still some days when even a little goal like writing 2 pages just isn’t going to happen. I try and try and at some point I have to let it go and hope for a better day tomorrow.
So what then? My first reaction is depression. I feel like a failure. I didn’t accomplish ANYTHING I wanted. But that’s not really true, is it? I played with my daughter, spent time with my husband, paid the men who cut down the tree about to fall on the garage (but that’s another blog). But these don’t seem to matter if my to-do list is still sitting there with so many things unchecked.
So I guess I’m appealing to you, dear readers. Maybe some of you are Type As like me and can give me some hints on how to deal. Or maybe you know how I really can become Superwoman….
Filed in: Jaunty Post
Feb 19th
2010
6:47 am
Laura Said:
I didn’t know you had a new baby! Congratulations Shana!
That’s all I’ve got – no advice. Sorry.
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Feb 19th
2010
6:57 am
Tonya Kappes Said:
Shana!!! I KNOW your pain. And trust me when I say pain…I have four boys. PLUS my paying job-I’m a developmental child therapist (eeck! I hear this same issues all the time)
I had to adjust my schedule many times. My best advice: YOU will be your best if you are well rested!! It’s okay to take cat naps if your baby takes cat naps or even try to write during that time, even if it’s only 250 words or less. It’s like exercising-they say a few minutes several times a day makes a bigger difference than one big chunk.
Your baby will begin to sleep longer and allow you more time to yourself and your schedule.
You can do it!!
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Feb 19th
2010
6:58 am
Michelle Rattigan Said:
Hi Shana,
You will get your work done, maybe slower than usual but look at the other side being a mother opens up a whole new insight into the feeling within writing. How woman can love someone so much they will do anything for their baby 
And it is true you do accomplish things everyday, God, well done you I remember it being exhausting, but rewarding.
Girl, I know your story so well. Sometimes I think an upset within the goal is allowable. I left school and started a college course I loved and within a year I found myself a 19 year old mother, of twins. My life changed, my goal seem to be just to make it through the day without cracking.My life took so many different directions. I ended up doing a job I never would have thought I would do. Childcare, because I was at home it was an easy way of making money. My childminding progressed into a business of my own, now 16 years later I have a creche and montessori school. I’m a self made woman with a good income and two beautiful 16 year old girls.Any goals I set myself had to be put on hold for years, but, recently I obtained my college degree, I’ve also started to write again and hope to start submitting this year. I went through periods of my life where I felt like I had let myself down in so many ways. I felt that I had missed the boat for every goal I had set myself. But, when I look back on my life now, I’m glad I didn’t obsess over lost goals, I just set new ones. You sound like a high achiever and that is so much harder. Being a mother is a job that deserves an award and a new mum is even harder, you will get there. It takes your body and brain a full year at least to recover from pregnancy, it is a major trauma on both body and mind. On the topic of goals, you have achieved so much in your life, give your a break and enjoy breathing for a while.
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Feb 19th
2010
7:33 am
kristan higgins Said:
I thought you WERE Superwoman, Shana! Think of it this way: Your goal is to have a great life, be a great mom, wife, daughter, person. Writing is only part of that, and some years will be easier than others. Cut yourself some slack, kid!
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Feb 19th
2010
7:38 am
Emily McKay Said:
What can I say, other than: Yep.
I think that’s one of the things that’s so hard about motherhood. There are moments when it feels like the rest of the world is zipping by while you change twelve diapers a day or spend ten minutes repeating, “Hand me the scissors.” Then there are other days when the you get caught up in doing other things (cooking, laundry, work etc) and suddenly you look up and realize you haven’t really looked at your child all day long. Just taken a moment to sit and enjoy how amazing he or she is. Those days are even harder, I think.
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Feb 19th
2010
8:33 am
Margo Maguire Said:
It’s funny how no one can tell you how ALL-CONSUMING it is to have a child. Your son or daughter becomes the priority of your life, even though you have other things you want/need to accomplish. Everything else has to wait – it’s as simple as that – in spite of how craazy it can make you feel!
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Feb 19th
2010
9:25 am
Shana Said:
Wow! I should have posted this earlier. I really appreciate all the support and advice. I think the hardest thing was realizing motherhood is HARD. When I was pregnant everyone kept saying how much fun it would be. There’s been a lot more work than fun!
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Feb 19th
2010
10:33 am
Catherine Kean Said:
Shana, your post brought me back to when my daughter was a baby. Motherhood is definitely difficult; no doubt about it. I felt the exact same frustrations you are expressing about not being able to accomplish things on my “to do” list. Instead of setting yourself goals of 10 pages a day, why not go for 250 or 500 words? Smaller goals are easier to get done and you’ll feel much happier about your day. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but before you know it, your daughter will be off to preschool. The days when they are babies really do speed past, so enjoy each one. You’ll be glad you did.
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Feb 19th
2010
11:02 am
Ashley Said:
Hi Shana:
I am exactly the same way! I have an 8 month old daughter, and it has taken me a while to establish a routine where I feel comfortable in the time I give her and the time I devote to writing. I work a full-time job and she’s in daycare, so when we get home, I feed her and put her to bed. Her bedtime is anywhere from 5:30 to 7:00, depending on what’s going on that night. Then I spend time with my husband. Somewhere before 8 I try to take at least a 20-min nap–sometimes it’s an hour. I couldn’t do it without this nap. It completely recharges me. And then, from 8-12 every night, I sit down to write. To keep myself energized, every so often I’ll walk for 10 minutes on my treadmill, but I have found that this routine has been the best thing for my writing. Fortunately, my daughter is sleeping through the night. Then, in the mornings, my husband wakes up with her while I sleep in until 7.
On the weekends, I devote all my time during the day to my family, and then it’s back to the writing grind at night.
If I stick to this routine, I meet my goal (which is, coincidentally, writing 10 pages a day).
Good luck to you! Like all the other commenters said, the most important thing to do is spend time with your daughter, but this is the way I’ve figured out how to do both.
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Feb 19th
2010
12:48 pm
Kathryn Said:
Being a Mum is more time consuming than you think… you just have to let go and not sweat the small stuff; and enjoy the time you have while she is tiny. I had four kids in six years and a lot of those early years are a blur… not enough sleep, so much to do. It’s a huge adjustment to go from 0 to 1 child. That baby becomes your whole focus. One baby to 2 is a biggie too…. but 2 to 3 and 3 to 4 — well by then you’re always a little late and the house is a mess, but so what?
Have fun with your little one… ajust and set smaller goals. Sometimes the goal is a nap and that’s okay. Mine are 17, 18, 21 and 23 now and I wish they were babies again because it was such a special time.
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