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Like a lot of my heroines, I’ve dated a few guys I knew were going to be bad choices. But like my characters, I was sucked in, made a fool of myself and grew and changed for the better (if you count the voodoo doll stage of a break-up growing and changing for the better).
It’s fair to say that all but McIrish probably fell into the “Uh-Oh” classification of men, and he out of all them looked like a bad boy. Long curly black hair. Green eyes. Leather jacket. Oh, ladies, I was in trouble! Now, of course, I have a sweet man who brings me coffee every morning, but back then, he had James Dean written all over him. Sigh!
What is it about those bad choices, though? Why do our foolish hearts ignore our older and wiser heads? My heart loved Artistic College Boy, even when my head knew he was gay. Prince Lothario who had a string of heartbroken ex-girlfriends behind him…it was going to be different with me. He’d really love me (I know, so 
pathetic). The Perfect Man who dumped me for a lesbian…I don’t even know what to say about that one. Then came the King of Ambition. He wanted to do things, make things, earn money, impress people…I wanted to cuddle. He’ll settle down, I told myself. Once he sees how cozy this all is. Er…he didn’t.
My sister dated Preppy King, the man who felt he could mold her into all that he wanted in a wife. My brother dated Smug Perfection, who felt that if we all couldn’t be as wonderful as she was, the least we could do was admire her.
Why? Why? Why are we so dopey sometimes? Is it a power thing…like only we have the ability to change him? Or is it just blind hope that the nice qualities surely must outweigh the arrogance or thoughtlessness? Dang it if I know.
It’s a good question, though. So come on, be brave. Who was the one you loved, despite all the evidence that said he was all wrong for you? Why did you hang in there as long as you did? Since this is a hard question, I’m going to offer a bribe — I’ll pick a responder and send you an autographed copy of one of my books (your choice!) and some chocolate as well. Because you deserve it!
Kristan
Filed in: Jaunty Post
May 26th
2009
7:35 am
Margo Maguire Said:
Wow, that’s a tough one, Kristan. For me, I think it was a combination of immaturity and blind hope – I saw what I wanted and I was so sure it would all work out. Then I grew up a bit and developed some standards.
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May 26th
2009
8:01 am
Emily McKay Said:
I call them my “He’s just not that too you” guys. I didn’t actually date either of them. Just chased them madly for *far* too long. I think that’s actually more humiliating than dating the guy who’s wrong for you.
I had two of them. One was in high school. At the ten years reunion, I found out he’d cheated on his wife with a striper. I remember thinking, “Thank God that wasn’t me!” I’m so glad he wasn’t into me.
The second guy (I recently found out) is now a neurologist. Which is *so* not gratifying.
The men who aren’t into you, should at least have the good manners to end up in dead-end jobs. Or, you know, sleeping with stripers. Or at least turn out to be gay.
Hmm … maybe he was gay.
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May 26th
2009
9:44 am
Terry Kate Said:
I hear you chica!
I had 3 years unrequited love in High School and another 5 in college. One for each. Now I am with a pretty great guy, but sometimes I think if he would just, well, change things would be perfect. But you know, bird in hand and all.
Kristan- you forgot your and your fellow writers new bad boy. I just posted Kristan’s pages in the short story and already people are groaning on the forum that you left them hanging!
Terry Kate
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May 26th
2009
11:33 am
Shana Galen Said:
You know, I’ve never had this problem–not that I haven’t had others! I do have friends with this problem. It’s like they just don’t believe the guy when he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend.
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May 26th
2009
12:13 pm
Quilt Lady Said:
Yep, I have been there. I fell for the bad boy in my early twenties and yes I knew he was not right for me. We saw each other off and on for about a year. I also started dating the guy I married during that time, but I really wanted the bad boy. I chased after this guy, I didn’t want to give him up but I did in the end. I told him I cared for him and if there was nothing there then to leave me alone. I didn’t see him any more after that but I still think about him from time to time! I guess you never forget your first love even it he was a bad boy.
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May 26th
2009
12:15 pm
Jane Said:
I would like to think that I never went for the wrong guy. I think many of us believe we can change or cure what we didn’t like about our men. It’s never worked for me or my friends.
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May 26th
2009
1:23 pm
Nancy Robards Thompson Said:
Kristan,
Until I met my husband, I had a fatal steel-to-magnet attraction to bad boys. Some of the toads in my hall of fame (shame??):
“The Class Clown” – such a damaged guy, who hid behind a great, FUNNY personality. The problem is he didn’t take anything seriously and had no intention of overcoming the troubles that plagued him. Underneath, he was a very sad guy.
“The Wheeler Dealer” – uh-oh, Kristan, did we date the same guy?? He sounds frighteningly similar to your “King of Ambition.” My dad’s actually the one who dubbed him “The Wheeler Dealer,” because this guy was too slick, drove a very expensive car (but lived at home) and always had some scheme brewing. Ick!!
“The Homecoming King” – this one couldn’t get over himself – even five years after high school… need I say more??
“The Big Baby” – Oh, how I loved him. This guy was sweet and gorgeous. He came from money, loved everything money could buy but had no money of his own – and no ambition to get out and make his own way. His mom had spoiled him so badly, that he was in his 20s and she still picked up his underwear off the floor. I wasn’t ready to be a mommy.
And then I met my husband who, after all these years, is still my Prince Charming.
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May 26th
2009
2:39 pm
Minna Said:
“Why are we so dopey sometimes?”
It must be the hormones. Or maybe it’s the full moon. They cause clouded judgement.
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May 26th
2009
2:39 pm
kristan higgins Said:
Good lord, we’re a sorry bunch! I wonder if guys go through this, too…seems to me that they’re either easy to please…or impossible to please. Doesn’t seem fair!
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May 26th
2009
2:42 pm
Kathryn Said:
I had a huge crush on the bad boy on the skateboard. I hoped for three years he would notice me, and when he finally did, it was for an introduction to my best friend. Neither of us had much time for him after that…. but he was good looking, athletics and walked just a little on the bad side.
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May 26th
2009
4:06 pm
Delilah Marvelle Said:
Ack!!! I hate to hear these stories and am sorry to say that I had no patience for such men whatsoever. Of course I was dealing with a wacko stepmother and so the last thing I wanted was to deal with a man who was going to give me MORE problems….
The trouble I ran into was that I used ANYTHING as an excuse to dump their sorry a$$e$, LOL. In the end I’m glad for it because I ended up never settling and in turn found THE ONE.
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May 27th
2009
6:43 am
kristan higgins Said:
Minna, congratulations! If you visit my website, http://www.kristanhiggins.com, you can email me your address, and I’ll cheerfully send you a copy of one of my books.
Thanks for sharing, ladies!
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May 27th
2009
11:24 pm
Maya M. Said:
A day late (and congrats to Minna!)but I’ll drop by answer the question of ‘why do we make those bad choices’ with:
Um – because I knew it would make my mom nuts?
(No worries – my mom adores the DH I ended up with once I started making choices on a less juvenile basis)
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May 30th
2009
1:59 am
Minna Said:
Thank you so much! Hopefully you got my email!
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May 30th
2009
7:01 am
kristan higgins Said:
Sure did, Minna! The book is on the way, but your server rejected me. I’ll try not to take it to heart.
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