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It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas…everywhere you go. Christmas music plays over mall loudspeakers. Snow dusts the ground. Stores are vying for our business. With the holiday season also comes… a dilemma. A time when I ask myself– should all things be equal?
Okay, I’ll be a little more clear. Do I spend the same amount on my son-in-law that I spend on my daughter? When I married my husband, his parents always gave more at holiday times and birthdays to their son than they did to me. I understood. I was just an out-law, er I mean, in-law. But I can’t say that I didn’t notice. Or that, at times, I didn’t feel a little bit bad.
Because we have just one daughter and now one son-in-law, I’ve made the decision to keep things equal…on holidays and on birthdays. I’m not sure I could do this if I had four or five kids. Or maybe I’d just cut back and everyone would get less. Or maybe I’m just making too much out of something that’s no big deal.
What do you think? Should all things be considered equal when it comes to gifts??
Filed in: Jaunty Post
Dec 6th
2008
10:28 am
Emily McKay Said:
I think so. But ironically, even though I believe that (and certainly enjoy getting equal presents from my inlaws), I know I spend less on my brother-in-law than I do on my sister. But partly it’s because he’ll never say what he wants and I just don’t know him as well. So that Starbucks gift card that I know he’ll love would have to get pretty big before it’d match whatever I’m buying my sister.
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Dec 6th
2008
11:22 am
RobynDeHart Said:
I don’t do the equal thing. I always get more for my sister and mom than I do the rest of the adults in my family – except for the Professor. And I’ve never done the equal thing when it comes to the kiddos in our family. I get them things that I know they’ll like, but if I spend $10 more on this one than I do on that one, it doesn’t matter. It’s not a race as far as I’m concerned. I think number of presents matters in equality, but the monetary number should be contingent on what the person likes.
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Dec 6th
2008
6:01 pm
Kristan Higgins Said:
I think you’re right, Cindy. Granted, my kids are a long way from being married, but given that I’ve already picked out their spouses, I know I’m going to love my daughter- and son-in-law! So yes, I’d do the equal thing, too.
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Dec 6th
2008
7:59 pm
Fedora Said:
I’d say that as much as you can, yes, but the bottom line is that it isn’t always a dollar amount as long as you’ve put the heart/effort into getting something thoughtful for each of them. And sometimes it’s just easier to think of things for people you know better, so maybe it’ll get easier and easier to find “equal” things as time goes on…
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Dec 7th
2008
7:58 am
Laura Said:
You’ve just identified one of the reasons I don’t exchange gifts anymore (and haven’t for about 17 years now). There’s too much pressure on that sort of thing. It feels like an obligation and creates stress. My thing is, if you’re not doing it because you genuinely want to and you’re not getting them something you want them to have (and I would assume you know they want), you shouldn’t be doing it. I prefer to buy things throughout the year for people I care about – because I want to, not because a date on the calendar pressures me into doing it.
I know that probably makes me sound like a “bah humbug” Scrooge but really I’m not. I just don’t feel like anyone should feel obligated to give something to anyone – regardless of who they are in their life – and if they do when they feel that way, well, ask yourself, how would you feel if someone was giving you a present – not because they wanted to but because they felt obligated to? It doesn’t mean as much.
Sorry if what I’ve said offends anyone, it’s not my intent. This is just one of the things that frustrates me about the holidays.
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Dec 7th
2008
1:13 pm
Quilt Lady Said:
I try to keep thing equal as much as possible. My sister does also with her daughters and son in laws. I think she has had to cut back some on how much though.
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Dec 7th
2008
2:10 pm
Shana Said:
No, things don’t have to be equal. Some years my sister has received more than I have. We have different needs at different times. Now I receive less because my parents were very up front that after my husband and I married, they were taking the money they spent on both of us separately and combining it. That’s okay. I have a husband to buy for me, too, and my sister doesn’t. It’s all about the thought, not the amount.
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