October 4, 2008
Kay Stockham deals with a Midlife Crisis
Written by Jaunty Quills in Jaunty Guests, Jaunty PostThe Jaunty Quills welcome Harlequin SuperRomance author, Kay Stockham. Kay is approaching a milestone birthday next year. A BIG birthday and Jaunty (you know how nosy he is) wants to know how she’s planning to deal with this fast approaching crisis.
I’m not totally freaking out about it but I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it, either. Still, I will admit to telling my husband I wanted to be forty and fabulous, not forty and fat. Ahh, vanity. Gotta love it, eh?
I joined Weight Watchers last December after finishing HIS SON’S TEACHER (Harlequin Superromance ISBN 037371502) in which my overweight heroine sets out to find her inner, post-divorce diva–with the help of gorgeous single father, Nick Tulane. HIS SON’S TEACHER is the second book in my Tulanes of Tennessee series, and the response to Jen and Nick has been overwhelming. Not only does Jen realize she can have a diva-tude and stay true to herself, she learns that some guys, like Nick, like a woman who is confident in who they are–regardless of their size, weight or anything else we women tend to nit-pick over. For Nick, nothing turns him on more than a woman’s curves and her attitude toward others and herself.
Readers seem to identify with Jen’s plight because many of us are so there. Maybe not horribly overweight but heavier than we should be and feeling down because of it. For me, those thirty pounds had to come off. I’d sit down at my computer to write and felt like I was struggling to breathe. Climbing stairs? Oh, my. Fast forward to now and I’m nearly at my goal and feeling better than I have in years. For others, reviving their self-image could mean a total makeover. How many midlife crises have you heard about that involved an affair, purchasing a motorcycle, cosmetic surgery, or all of the above?
My husband and I are both from families who have a lot of health issues and one of the things we’ve always dreamed of was owning a sports car. The problem was neither one of us wanted to be seventy or eighty (and no offense to those who are) years old driving around the car of our dreams. If we owned one, we wanted to be young enough to enjoy it.
Recently, my husband changed jobs and the distance he drives required us to have to purchase a vehicle because his truck wouldn’t make the trips. Well, in the process of looking for something safe, more gas friendly etc., my husband and I decided to have our midlife crises together. Novel idea, huh? 
But instead of having surgery, affairs, checking out those Harley’s etc, we actually bought that much-dreamed about sports car. A fast, fun, OMG convertible that we climb into, go for a drive and come home holding hands.
We blast the music like only children of the 80s can and fly down the road, embarrassing our children because of the goofy grins we’ve been wearing lately. As silly as it sounds, the car has brought us closer together as a couple because after seventeen years of marriage where our focus has been on graduating college, building a house, having children, raising children, saving money for college tuition, bills, bills, bills, we’re having fun and enjoying every moment. Life is too short not to.
So what is my blog about today? I realize I’ve rambled a bit, but my blog is about life and all the ways we drive ourselves nuts trying to live it. How we as a nation have stopped smelling the roses. We’re stressed out, worn down and tired. Why? Not to get whiny, but why do we do this to ourselves?
Which brings me to my questions for the day: Have you had a midlife crisis? Do you know someone who radically changed their life with surgery? Had an affair? (No names, please.) Have you ever wanted to buy that sports car and drive into the sunset?
Tell me about how you’ve handled those milestone birthdays, how you plan to handle them, what you’ve learned from them, and what you’d like to do for your “midlife crisis”. I’ll chose a winner from those who post and you’ll win a pair of my handmade beaded earrings, as well as a copy of ANOTHER MAN’S BABY, the first book in my Tulanes of Tennessee series.
God bless,
Kay
For more information on Kay and her books, her weekly and month contests, blog and more, please surf to www.kaystockham.com.
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Margay Says:
I don’t have time for a midlife crisis! I’m too busy taking care of my daughters’ needs to worry about age at this point. It’s just a number, anyways, and if you don’t focus on it, it can’t rule your life. Mine must be pretty boring, because I don’t know anyone who went off the deep end and radically changed due to a mid-life crisis, either. Oh, well…
LuAnn McLane Says:
Well… I have the big 5-0 coming up next year
MY daughter turns 18 so we are planning something fun together. The thing about getting to this age is that I do my own thing now and I don’t worry so much about what others think… women come into their own during middle age, I think, since our children are older and we have more time to just be ourselves.
Debbie Says:
I tend not to dwell on age due to health issues I’ve had all my life. Mainly severe allergic reactions and asthma. I’ve quit breathing way to many times to let the little things worry me and age is just a number as far as I’m concerned. I’m happy to tell anybody how old I am because it means the good Lord has let me live one more day, one more year and I’m happy with that.
I tell my boys that I’m not even thinking about getting old till I hit 99 and then I’m only thinking of it, not doing it. Told them I want to be old and onery. they laugh and tell me I am already onery so I am half way there.
Do I get the blues and down right aggravated at times, yep, but I also get over it pretty quickly and try to find something else to do. A good book is a wonderful way to get out of a blue mood.
I love your books Kay and they are one of my special comfort reads.
Hope your milestone birthday is your best one ever!
Hugs!
Deb
Devon Ellington Says:
First of all, turning thirty-six was much harder than turning forty. Thirty-six was such a tough birthday I wrote a play about it (which was produced in NYC).
I thought that turning 30 was the best thing I ever did for myself, but turning 40 was even better. And every year since has gotten even better.
I don’t have the need to have a mid-life crisis. I’ve lived my life being true to myself, for the most part, and catching myself in a matter of months, not years, when I’ve gone astray. I did everything I wanted when I was younger, so I don’t feel as though I missed anything. I know what I like and what I don’t, so I can move forward, staying true to my integrity.
Why SHOULDN’T you and your husband have a sports car/convertible if it makes you happy? What makes you think there’s any stigma attached? Why would you care what anyone else thinks? It works for you and your life, it makes you BOTH happy, so good for you!
Kay Stockham Says:
Margay, how wonderful that you don’t know anyone who’s “gone off the deep end” in a crisis. Unfortunately, I do. Some of them haven’t been pretty, either.
LuAnn, HAPPY (EARLY)BIRTHDAY! You look wonderful, girlie! And I’m so glad you’re having fun. Life should be fun!
Deb, health issues are the main reason we’re having our so-called ‘crisis’ now. We’re both healthy, but our parents and grandparents have had more than their share of problems once they hit their 50s and 60s. It’s in our genes, so we decided to have fun and deal with whatever happens, when it happens. Health definitely puts things into perspective, though, doesn’t it?
Devon, good for you! That’s fantastic. As to your take, I agree totally. In getting ourselves through college, our debt racked up, then house, kids, etc. So before we went so far as to buy something “impractical” we wanted to make sure we were headed in the right direction first and had plans in place for our kids so that they won’t have to tackle the debt we did straight out of school. That’s why we’ve waited.
Thanks for stopping by!
Kay
Lisa Freeman Says:
Kay, you look good girlie, and you car is fantastic!
I loved turning 40 and the maturity and confidence that comes with it. NO major crisis for us - we’re too busy raising our kids and trying to pay our bills. Will somebody bail me out?
Shana Says:
Welcome, Kay! I’ve watched my parents go through midlife crises. My mom weathered it fine, but my dad…what is it with men and toys? Cars, boats, stereos. Now thet he’s in his 60s, he’s settling in and seems comfortable in his age. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
Quilt Lady Says:
I handle my midlife crises one day at a time. I have had a few of those mile stone birthdays now and I just take them as they come. My hubby is into buy computer stuff and computer stuff and on and on it never stops, keeps wanting a faster and faster computer. Like I said I take one day at a time. I never got that sports car I always wanted, couldn’t afford it. I really don’t want it anymore. It is all in the past. Just take one day at a time!!!
Judy F Says:
Hey Kay cool car. Come take me for a spin.
I will be 49 next year. How did that happen. I still feel like I am in my 30’s. Though one thing I have notice with age is trivial things don’t bother me as much. I don’t have the time to bother with my boss and her moods. Esp with my own health issues and dealing with my dad’s illness. Life is to short.
When oh when is your next book coming out?
Kay Stockham Says:
Lisa, there is certainly something to be said with growing older, eh? I don’t stress over the stupid stuff I used to stress over when I was younger. Who has time? Or energy?
Quilt Lady, I love your one day at a time attitude. We all make plans, but really, who knows what the future will hold? We need to just enjoy today.
Judy! You bet’cha. I need to come your way to do some research. Maybe we can get together then.
As to the next Tulane… Luke’s story will be out in March, 2009. I’m very excited about it. I’ve received some great comments from my editor as well as the copyeditor on the story.
Kay
Ellen Says:
Just dropped in to say Hi. I didn’t have time for a mid life crisis because I was too busy taking care of my parents, and I’m too old now to have one LOL.
Glad you two are really enjoying your new car.
ps. don’t include me in your drawing.
diane Says:
I never had a mid-life crisis since it was important to be there for my husband and family. But now that my sons are both married and have successful careers I think that it is time for both of us to spend quality time together. Since our health is good, thank goodness for that, since that is all that matters in life, we hope to take a memorable trip. For us it would be a trip of a lifetime since travel was never an option. My dram come true would be to travel to Italy.
eap Says:
WEll, I don’t obess over birthdays…what’s the alternative? One of my friends died when he was 21 (muscular dtstrophy) and after that I never obessed about age at all.
He would given everything to be the age I am now.
Deidre Says:
OMG, I am so jealous. The car is gorgeous and you look great in it.
I haven’t had a midlife crisis but I am so not looking forward to birthday #30 next year. I can remember when that seemed so old and here I am on the cusp. LOL
Deidre
deidre_durance@hotmail.com
Lexee Says:
I haven’t reached a milestone Birthday but I remember when my mom did, her 40. She worked for quite awhile doing situps and things to get her abs in good shape. Then she went out and pierced her belly button for her 40 birthday.
She loves it.
Kay Stockham Says:
Thanks so much for stopping by!!! I’m taking off for the day but wanted to stop in and say thanks. It was so much fun to hang out with you today.
As to who won the copy of ANOTHER MAN’S BABY and the beaded earrings—Deidre! Please email me via my website http://www.kaystockham.com with your shipping information.
Thanks again, ladies!
Kay
Fedora Says:
Kay, just wanted to say happy milestone birthday and congratulations on the lovely car! That’s a great present for the two of you! Enjoy it and the time together in it!
catslady Says:
We seem to have done things backwards - I was 18 and my husband 20 and we worked and had fun for 15 years and then we had our children so we were still busy with kids when that midlife crisis time came. My oldest just got married and my youngest is still in college and I’ll be hitting the big 60 when she graduates so maybe I’ll have it then or if grandchildren come along maybe I can skip it completely lol.
Maureen Says:
Hi Kay,
Happy Upcoming Birthday! Well, I had my sportscar when I was single so it’s not something I think about now and it was definitely fun to drive. I don’t think to much about the milestone birthdays but I will say that thirty was a lot harder than forty.
Tee Says:
Good Morning Kay! I have said it before and again I will say you look great and always have. My last birthday, the big 50 was hard for me being that my Mom and I had plans on what we would do that day. DH was working so it not an easy day but got through it withh lots of hugs from my daughter. No crises here for me, but DH had to have the car of his dream. A mustang, but hey better a car than a affair.
Have a great birthday!!!!!
Laura Says:
I had dreaded my thirtieth birthday most. My divorce was finalized a couple of months prior to it so I was facing it single and alone. I was working temporary at the time and was wearing my birthstone ring and someone picked up on the fact that it was my birthday month and asked when my birthday was - the conversation went something like this:
Them: When’s your birthday?
Me: Uh, today.
Them: Really? Happy birthday! How old are you?
Me: Um, thirty.
They made a big deal out of it and took a lot of the steam out of it. I got home that evening and called a friend of mine and invited her to go to the movies with me. She came and brought her kids (still wearing their jammies) and we went to see The Doctor with William Hurt. And it was a nice day.
Not like buying a car or anything like that but it got me through the day.
Stacie Mc Says:
I’m coming up on a milestone birthday and I think losing weight would be a great way to celebrate. I’ll have to see if I can find a local Weight Watchers group.