February 19, 2008
Limmerance
Written by Shana in Writers and Writing
I learned a new word this weekend. Limmerance. I looked it up in dictionary.com and it wasn’t even in there yet.
USF and I attended a couples’ retreat this weekend, with the objective of reconnecting and setting aside time to talk about and work on our marriage. I’ve always read that successful marriages take time and effort, so I’m a strong believer in taking a weekend every few years and remembering why you fell in love and what your shared vision for the future holds.
As part of our retreat, a couple who specializes in marriage counseling worked with our group on stages of marriage. The initial stage is limmerance, which means, roughly, the early state of being in love.
Limmerance is that time when two people are falling in love. You know, when you can talk for hours and it seems like minutes, when you physically hurt being away from one another, when all you can think about is the other person.
The psychologists described it as a type of psychosis. They were joking of course, but there’s a kernel of truth in that observation. Who could sustain a lifetime of floating around being completely absorbed by another person?
And yet, everyone who’s ever experienced that feeling yearns to recapture it. I think that’s the reason romance novels are so popular. Romance novels focus on that period of limmerance.
I think writing about love helps me to remember those initial feelings of limmerance and to look for ways to bring them to the surface again. Our weekend away is one product of that priority.
What about you? How do you reconnect with your loved one?
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Margo Maguire Says:
Limmerance, huh? In all seriousness, I think my husband and I are still in this stage, but we’ve been married quite a while …
RobynDeHart Says:
The Professor and I are totally still in that phase. I’m telling you we are positively pathetic when we aren’t together. He’s had the flu this week and this weekend when I had to sleep on the couch, it just broke my heart. We reconnect by hanging out together, going for a walk, playing Scrabble, watching a movie, snuggling and just talking. Great post, Shana!
Helen Says:
Great post Shana loved those days they were a long time ago we have been married 31 years this year and have 4 grown children and 2 grandchildren now two of our children still live at home and the other two visit a lot, we are a very close family and finding time for ourselves can be hard at times but I make sure that we do it we go to concerts and away for a weekend at least once a year.Health issues have changed a lot of things in our marriage but we are really close and are always there for each other.
Have Fun
Helen
Sophie Jordan/Sharie Kohler Says:
Ok, I’ll fess up and say DH and I aren’t in “limmerance” anymore! Great word, btw! We have moments of it, but with two kids and full time jobs, it’s hard to keep that level of euphoria going. You’re right, Shana. Marriage is hard work - at least a good marriage, imho.
And I’ve also noted what you said about our love of romance novels. Except the rare few, most romance novels are all about the limmerance stage. How rarely do read a book after the “alleged” HEA? Laura Lee Guhrke’s THE MARRIAGE BED comes to mind, but not many others.
Your retreat sounds fantastic! Something every couple should do. Hmmm…
Hugs,
Sophie
Robert B. Says:
I started to comment on this, but it got very long. I soon realized that I was writing a blog in response to your blog… So, I decided to publish it as a blog on my site. Feel free to read it at my livejournal Shana/Shane. I am of the theory that Limmerance is a mash-up of “Glimmering” and “Romance”… as in “the glimmering romance stage of the relationship.” Or do you think it is closer “Luminance”? In my opinion, both work to describe the feeling.
Shana Says:
Thanks for the blog on my blog, Robert.
I’ve heard people use “luminance” instead of limmerance by accident, so obviously there’s a mental connection there.
Robert B. Says:
Yes, like being aglow or awash in the luminance and limmerance of new love. Oooh, how alliterative.