February 15, 2008
Keep vs. Toss
Written by Shirley Karr in Jaunty PostLast year as part of preparing for our baby’s arrival we did a major cleaning job, which necessitated going through every single item in our bedroom closet. Some items hadn’t been touched in years and still I had a hard time parting with them. The perfect purple cotton blouse, for example, that was literally coming apart at the seams and becoming R-rated. I held onto it long past the time it was wearable, promising to work it into my new hobby of making rag rugs. Sentimental but practical! Then my husband gently reminded me I hadn’t yet finished the first rag rug that I began three Christmases ago. (I want to finish, but my hands get sore.)
Anyway, you get the idea — I hate to let go of things and I’m used to wearing favorite clothes until they fall apart. So imagine how painful it is to go through my son’s dresser and box up or otherwise remove darling clothing items that he only fit into for a couple months or maybe only a few weeks. And this week was the third time I’ve had to clean out his dresser even though we’ve only been using it for three months. And we’ve only just begun!
This task is easier for some of my friends because they plan to have more children. They simply box everything up and save it for their next baby. They still have everything, it’s just stored out of the way.
But we’re way too old to survive doing this all over again. I’ve used some of the too-small stuff as trade-in at a baby resale shop for buying the next size up, sold on-line (just love Craig’s List!), donated some, and boxed much of it in preparation for giving it to someone who’s expecting a boy (all of the women I know who are pregnant now are expecting a girl) just the way much of it was given to us. It makes it a tiny bit easier knowing it will go to another cute little boy. (Not as cute as my son, of course.)
But there are still some things that hurt to let go of, that almost bring me to tears. The white onesie and dark blue cotton knit pants, for example, that Daniel wore in his first formal portrait taken when he was three months old. A tiny bib embroidered with a lion. (Daniel, lion’s den — get it?)
Molly, a neat freak I work with who has six-year-old twins, shared with me her coping strategy — a memory box. Not just for the first tooth and report card kind of stuff, but also for those clothing items you just can’t part with yet. Go straight from the dresser to the box, no cluttering allowed.
I need to get over this hang-up because the flip side is that there are more cute clothes to put into Daniel’s dresser, and if I wait too long, he won’t get to wear them at all. I bought a pair of pants and blue plaid flannel shirt at the end of summer, and kept thinking they’re still too big. Finally put them on him a week ago, and –- you guessed it — the only way we’ll get those pants on him again is if he’s in a disposable diaper instead of the usual cloth diaper. Oh, and I have to learn to judge his clothes by the size of the garment, not by size on the tag. He’s wearing several 12-18mo onsies that fit fine now, while there’s a 3mo size shirt that’s still baggy.
So, are you a keeper or a tosser? If the former, how do you avoid cluttering up the whole house?
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Taryn Raye Says:
I’m stuck in the middle. I’m a keeper until the clutter begins to make me dizzyheaded and aggravated. I have a smallish tote box in my closet that I do have some of my daughter’s “firsts”- her outfit she wore home from the hospital. Her very first Christmas dress-red velvet. Her first shoes. Some cute outfits that after she outgrew them made me cry at the thought of giving them away or getting rid of them.
I have a hard time letting go a lot of her stuff because she will be my only child. I could probably have another child, but my hubby already had a son from a previous marriage and he told me when I was just a few months pregnant that two completed our family and he didn’t want anymore kids, whether I did or not.
I probably tend to hang on to more of her stuff because of that. I hate clutter, but I dread letting go of my “only’s” firsts and other mementos of her childhood. I’ll only get to experience this one time.
Right now my house is total clutter. I have a spare bedroom I can’t use because it has so much “stuff” in it and my daughter’s room as well as my stepson’s are overflowing. In fact, so is our room come to think of it.
I’m putting off cleaning it up because we’re going to be moving the kids around to different bedrooms in the spring and decluttering then.
Shana Says:
I’m a keeper until I get overwhelmed with stuff, then I start tossing. Like I’ll keep old clothes that might even be too big for me until I get enough new clothes that I can’t fit anything in my closet. Then I start tossing things into a bag for Goodwill. I like to be organized more than I like to be sentimental.
ladydawgfan Says:
I am a major leage keeper, but I am determined to have a serious junk dump this spring in the form of a huge garage sale. I have a LOT to get rid of - clothes that are too big for me now that I am losing weight, knick knacks, stuffed animals, and I have a massive amount of Harlequins and Silhouettes and I bought for 4 for $1 that I will NEVER get around to reading. And this is just the tip of the iceberg!! Yikes!!! I need help!!!!
Robyn DeHart Says:
I’m not really all that sentimental. There are some things that I keep and I do the keepsake box or scrapbook for them, but for the most part if I’m done with it I have a garage sale or donate it to Goodwill. The Professor, on the other hand, is VERY sentimental, in an almost ridiculous sort of way. Like, “well, I can’t get rid of that b/c my mom gave it to me.” Even though his mom has given him a bunch of stuff since and she has probably since forgotten about that shirt she gave him when he was a freshman in college.
Fedora Says:
Shirley, I’m a compulsive keeper, but I’m trying to let go of more. I definitely agree that it’s much easier to let go when I know it’s going to be used and loved by someone else.
And the books, well, those are much harder to let go of!
Best wishes with your own decluttering, and congrats on your sweetie pie! Of course no other little guy’s ever going to look as adorable in his outfits! (That’s why we have a gazillion photos, right? But that’s a different kind of clutter
)
Margo Maguire Says:
I’ve got tons of storage space, so keeping things isn’t an issue. Not clothes so much as my kids’ school projects and sports awards, etc. Books are my main problem. I have WAY too many!
Shirley Karr Says:
I hear ya, Margo! Last April I gave away almost 200 books — and you can’t really tell a difference in my office. I planned to have a yard sale last spring, but premature delivery put the kibosh on that. Maybe this year, though we keep taking boxes of stuff to Goodwill just to get it out from underfoot.
Oh, Taryn — I hope your dh was more tactful than it sounds like he was.
I’m worried about Daniel being an only child — learning to share, etc. — but I can’t imagine going through pregnancy again with a toddler to take care of, too. I scared my dh by suggesting that we consider adopting a 3 or 4 year old when Daniel’s about that age. Friends who couldn’t have more than one baby adopted siblings - with their son’s encouragement - so now they have four kids.
Margo Maguire Says:
Shirley - One of my brothers, and one of my husband’s sisters each have an only child. A boy in each case. They’re now 16 and 21 and turning into wonderful young men. Being an only hasn’t hurt either one of them.
On the other hand, my three kids are as close as best friends can be. I can’t imagine how things would be if they didn’t have each other! Something to be said for either kind of family.
Taryn Raye Says:
Thank you Shirley.
I wish I could say it was said with more tact, but I won’t get in the sticky details. He is a good husband, and that was really early in our relationship when we hadn’t talked enough about what we both wanted in our lives.
We’ve both grown a lot over the past 6 or 7 years though, so that helps a lot. LOL
Helen Says:
I am hopless at throwing things away everything has a memory and I find it hard to turf it.
It is something I must do I really don’t have the room to store things I have 5 bookshelves now and need another one but where to put it. One day I will be good. LOL
Have Fun
Helen
catslady Says:
I am and I don’t!!!!!