December 5, 2007
I’m No Martha
Written by Jenna Petersen in Jaunty PostThis time of year it becomes clear that the world of women (and a few men) is divided into two groups. The Marthas. And the UnMarthas.
I think you know who I’m talking about. Martha Stewart. The Grand Dame of decor and fine living and making ice sculptures from buckets of water you freeze from your private lake and all that stuff.
I, alas, fall into the UnMartha category and I never feel it more than at Christmas. Because Martha-ing goes into full swing this time of year. There are the sparkling light displays outside which…. we don’t do. And then there are the fine decorations inside with the matching tree ornaments and the coordinated tree skirts and the candles with the perfectly matched wicks. I decorate, but our tree is a hodgepodge of ornaments with personal meaning and history. Which I actually like, but it’s not exactly Martha-ie.
Then there’s the cooking. I like the IDEA of cooking, but I never get it quite right. The science of it has just never been my forte. I can follow a set of directions perfectly and still come up with a lopsided cake. And don’t get me started on tarts. I’m okay with a pumpkin pie. And I can cook meat pretty well. But I’m never going to be the girl who lays out a six-course spread with fancy appetizers.
Finally, there is the Christmas wrap. I can wrap a gift, of course. But I have always done so simply and if the paper is a little… folded, then I’ve never stopped to recut and rewrap. I don’t use bows since the cats seems to like to eat them. I’m not going to make my own gorgeous little tags. I’m just so not a Martha.
So… are YOU a Martha? Or not? And what is the most or least Martha thing you ever did at the holidays?
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Shana Says:
Definitely NOT a Martha. The most Martha thing I ever did was make sugar cookies from scratch and decorate them. They turned out gross. The least is pretty much every year–buy my baked good from Kroger and don’t decorate at all. Yep. I’m sure the neighbors love me. It’s not that I don’t have the Christmas spirit. I just don’t have the decorating spirit.
RobynDeHart Says:
I don’t think I’d consider myself a Martha, but I’m a good cook, an even better baker and I like to craft. Now I’m not brilliant at crafting and I don’t have time for it much anymore, but I still enjoy it. The most Martha I’ve ever gotten was the year I decided to not only make all my Christmas cards (chalk and embossing) but to make my wrapping paper as well (stamps on butcher paper). I was exhausted and quickly realized I’d been far too ambitious. As for the cooking, I just come from a line of good cooks. That’s not to say I don’t mess up in the kitchen from time to time, but usually when I’m experimenting. But I generally enjoy cooking so it works out okay.
As for our decorations, we do lights outside, just a strand mixed with the holly garland along the porch and I have a light-up igloo and penguin set (new from last year so I’m totally excited to put it out!) And my tree ornaments are sentimental too. But I have a blog planned for those later.
brownone Says:
The most “Martha” thing I’ve ever done was buy one of those pre-made gingerbread houses that you put together and decorate. Other than that, I suck. I buy baked goods or bum them off of my older sister, who must be MARTHA’S long lost sister. I buy gift bags and stick all of the gifts in them. Heck, I even recycle last years gift bags!
Haven Rich Says:
Ok, I’m a wanna-be Martha. Meaning, I do match my x-mas tree perfectly with the tree skirt (it’s all in purple shades and gold, with Winnie The Pooh lights…It matches cutely).
I can cook and do a spread very nicely, however the hubby does the meat group! I can set a pretty table, but the odds of that happening are slim to none, since I don’t want to use my good crystal for just his parents.
I can wrap like no one’s business, but then I worked as an “elf” at the mall and they teach you how to wrap like a god. That’s my only excuse for that lol. Plus I worked at a florist and you learn to do gift baskets and the like.
So if I hadn’t learned those skills along the way, nope, no Martha here. And to prove my un-Marthaness, I haven’t even set up my tree, nor do I plan on it.
Margo Maguire Says:
Not Martha … But I’m a really good cook, and I have an eye for putting a few tasteful decorations here and there. I don’t go crazy with ‘em, though…
AndreaW Says:
Count me in as an UnMartha. My stockings match my tree skirt and we decorate the outside of the house, but I don’t like to cook or bake (which is why I love Robyn’s “Easy Peanut Butter Fudge” recipe from yesterday) and I don’t add anything to my Christmas presents like bows and ribbons, etc.
Kathryn Says:
I’m not Martha either, sigh. I would love to have the effect without having to spend all the time doing it, though. I have some nice decorations (store bought, I’m not that crafty), and I bake reasonably well. But I couldn’t organize, cook, clean and decorate for an elegant dinner party without having a stroke in the process (that’s why I love my eggnog and dessert party mentioned yesterday).
And there’s all this clutter. No time for cleaning… I tend to gather everything up before guests come and stuff it in my dryer. Then I clean, vaccuum, etc. Panic with the cooking and I’m always running behind.
I really would like to be Martha, but real life interferes.
Kathryn Says:
Oh, and for the gift wrap? Two words: GIFT BAGS!
Clarisse Says:
The Ice Lanterns! I had one great Martha-esque Christmas Party about 15 years ago and it took so much out of me that I still haven’t recovered enough to throw another one (although attendees still speak of it with reverence). I seriously contemplated the driveway lined with ice which had been frozen in galvanized buckets and then lined up on the lawn with the top chiseled out to hold a tea candle. Considered it until I realized that Martha had a cadre of slaves or indentured servants or interns to do the ice picking and I had two teenagers to put to work on the job. The prospects of spending the party-time in the emergency room were not appealing.
Mary M Says:
I think the only Martha tip that ever found a part in my life is when someone is pouring you a glass of champagne, and it looks like the bubbles may overflow, delicately put your little finger in and it will stop. I tested it on New Years Eve and it works.
Helen Says:
I am un-Martha as well I do cook well and we have a very nice Christmas lunch and lots of nice Christmas pudding and cake but decorating and wrapping presents they get done but not perfectly. My 22 month old grandson helped decorate the tree this year you can imagine what it looks like but he had so much fun and that was the main thing.
Have Fun
Helen
Jenna Petersen Says:
Solidarity to the UnMarthas!
LOL It was fun reading everyone’s comments today, so thanks for indulging me.
Shana Says:
Oh! I made a gingerbread house this year after Thanksgiving. It’s still in my dining room. My mom did most of it, though. She is a total Martha.