November 26, 2007
The Hardest Thing
Written by Margo Maguire in Jaunty PostI have three children. The eldest – my daughter - was nearly two when her brother was born and four years old when her youngest brother came along. Being so near in age, the three of them have always been very close. We raised them in a small urban community where they knew everyone and everyone knew them. I worked as a nurse while they were growing up, and my husband’s job was a 60 minute commute from home. My kids played in sports, participated in musical bands, and were involved in civic activities. It was busy, wildly busy, at times.
I was sure the hardest thing I would ever experience was my daughter’s first day of kindergarten. Turns out I was happy about it. I had two little boys still at home, and there was a lot going on with them. By the time the third one started kindergarten, I thought that would be cause for weeping. But no … I had a newfound sense of freedom. I had less childcare to deal with, and they were happy with school and all that went with it.
Fast forward to college. High school graduations were cause for happiness and celebrations, no crying then. My daughter had been accepted to every college she’d applied to, and she chose one that’s 90 miles from home. Her brothers followed suit (which seems to be a recurring theme in our family) and are still students there.
My daughter graduated and stayed in her college town for several months, working at an internship. Then she broke up with her college boyfriend, moved back home and started her first real job. It didn’t pay very well, so she stayed at home and saved as much money as she could. Then came the big change. About two months ago, she accepted a job in Chicago, nearly 400 miles from home. She has a nice little apartment that she shares with her cat, Louie, a wonderful job that she loves, and an urban environment that suits her well.
For the first time since moving away, she came home (for Thanksgiving) and stayed for five days – with Louie. Of course, the boys were home, too. We hosted two big family parties while she was here, with aunts, uncles and cousins. We went out to breakfast, and did some shopping together.
And this morning, she left. This is the hardest thing. Knowing she’s making a life elsewhere. Knowing it’s more than likely she’ll find her life’s mate far away from home, and will never come back. That if she has children, my husband and I will be the out-of-town grandparents. For the first time I can remember, I found myself shedding a tear over a milestone in one of my children’s lives.
And wondering if my sons will follow this path, too.
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Shana Says:
What a touching post, Margo. I bet it’s hard for your daughter as well, but just knowing that she has your support–even if it’s in another city–is probably very helpful to her.
Mary M Says:
If she does fall in love with someone in another town, she could always convince him to move to yours! My college roommate did it!
Taryn Raye Says:
Oh Margo- you got me in tears here this morning. When my stepson started kindergarten I didn’t cry when I put him on the bus the first morning, but it was because I cried off and on for two weeks when his mother enrolled him in preschool before telling us. I was so used to having him home with me and our daughter…so by the time he entered kindergarten I had grown used to it just being me and my daughter at home during the day.
My daughter turns 5 next month and will start kindergarten next August. I get teary thinking about that first day or week that she heads off to school because she’s been with me all this time- no preschool for her- can’t really afford it(would cost about $300 a month for us to put her in) and I honestly don’t think she needs it.
But then, I’m also looking forward to quiet days when both she and her brother are in school and I’ll have precious time to myself for writing and getting the housework done…I try not to think about when they’re grown and moved away.
I moved away from my hometown and I still get homesick after six years away and heck, I’m a grown woman. My parents are the out-of-town grandparents, but I sometimes think my daughter is more attached to them than the two sets of grandparents on her daddy’s side who live within 5-10 miles of us in either direction.
{{{Hugs}}} Margo. Distance may separate, but love holds you close in each other’s hearts for always.
brownone Says:
Okay Margo, after an emotional weekend you’ve started me getting teary all over again! I attended a wedding on Saturday and I knew this little girl since she was four (my youngest daughter’s age). I was a teenager at the time. It was just so incredible to see her all grown up and starting a life of her own!
When I had my son my mother actually “guilt tripped” me into moving close by. She said its a sin that I am keeping her from her grandson. Needless to say, about a year later we moved. Never underestimate the power of guilt!
Rainy Says:
Margo,
I empathize with the hollowness you are feeling with the distance between you and your daughter. Life is full of transitions and it never ends. It’s always one stage after another.
But it sounds like you have a family of love and physical distance is just a matter of miles. So many families have emotional distances between them and nothing is harder than that.
My husband and I have motorhomed for many years and travel away from our families. We return with the crocuses in the spring though. It is always hard to leave but beautiful to come back. I know how difficult it was for my mother (and I was a full-blown adult when I left) for me to be so far away from home, but she adjusted. Somewhat. Leaving home in an Italian household is a bit of a Cardinal Sin. But last year my husband had a medical scare and after that, my mother seemed to realize that leaving the area for a while was not the worse thing to happen.
Just try to think of this as a new place to visit!