I got a chuckle out of these …

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!”

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard a big splash. “Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.

Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. “No, thank you,” Mrs. Watkins replied. “The Lord will provide.” The men shrugged and rowed on.

By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. “Don’t trouble yourself,” she told him. “The Lord will provide.”

Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, “The Lord will provide.”

So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.

Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. “What happened?” she cried.

“For cryin’ out loud, lady,” God said, “I sent three boats!”

I don’t want to plagerize myself….but I’d really like your opinion on this topic so….even though I did this blog on Friday for www.naughty-and-spice.com, I really want YOUR feedback so I’m repeating the blog here.

Here goes….

This week on a writer’s loop, a woman (we’ll call her Jane) mentioned how she liked to mentor unpublished writers. But Jane was concerned because someone she’d just starting helping—and didn’t know very well—was insisting her pages were perfect etc. In short, the mentoring wasn’t working out. Jane was thinking of cutting this woman loose but wanted to do it diplomatically. Jane wasn’t sure how this woman—who was acting a bit antagonistic—would react. One of the things I mentioned to Jane was the fact that many authors refuse to read unpublished material because they’re concerned about being accused of stealing an idea. Even if it wasn’t true, damage to the mentor’s reputation could still be done.

This got me to thinking….can you really steal someone’s idea? I use to think you couldn’t, because even if each of us got a brief story idea, we’d all develop it differently. And even if we got a detailed outline, our “voice” would be different and the way we’d write the scene would vary.

On the other hand, I think of Janet Evanovitch and how she researched the market before she came up with the idea of quirky bounty hunter Stephanie Plum. What if during this research phase Janet participated in a brainstorming session (that is so popular among writers)? What if she’d discussed her idea–maybe even took it a step further and outlined her vision for the book? What if another writer (who’d been in the brainstorming session) saw the possibilities and proposed that same story before Janet had a chance to go forward with her own proposal? To me that would definitely be theft of an idea.

I’m not overly paranoid, but if I had a great idea for a story that I hadn’t yet proposed to my editor, I don’t think I’d participate in a brainstorming session or even mention the idea to anyone other than my two critique partners (who I trust implicitly).

What da ya think? Can you really steal another writer’s story?

Crystal won Monica McCarty’s first two books – Highlander Untamed and Highlander Unmasked! Congratulations, Crystal!

It has a metal string. There are cardboard rolls on the end. Nothing flashy. Nothing furry. Nothing that says, “Dance, kitty, dance!” Yet….it’s the lean, mean, cat dancing machine. The Cat Dancer.

*cue sound effects – preferably Also spracht Zarathustra, the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey, please*

I was going to go into a fawning post on this topic. Perhaps do a real review. Something like, “On the readiness scale, the cat dancer scores an unbelievable 9 out of 10. This is due to…” But really, when it comes down to it, you must see the cat dancer in action. Sure, I’ve seen reviews that say, “My cat is too old,” or “This toy is for kittens.” Hey, those orange beasts down there are 9. One size doesn’t fit all, no, but the cat dancer is definitely worth a wiggle! Twirl the cat dancer in front of them, run it in circles around them, and get that flame going!

Testimonials:

So is the cat dancer a good cat toy? No, Hal. It’s a revolution.

Comment in this post to win a copy of Highlander Untamed and Highlander Unmasked!!!

Monica McCarty, new author extraordinaire, has a new back-to-back trilogy out — two books already on the shelves, and the third on shelves now! Her books have already hit the USA Today and New York Times lists, and critic and user reviews are through the roof!

*Jaunty smooths his quills, and rubs in a little Shine-u-pine gel*

1. Monica, my sweet, can you tell us a little about each book and the trilogy as a whole?

My debut book, HIGHLANDER UNTAMED, is the first book in a back-to-back Scottish historical trilogy featuring the MacLeods of Skye. The year is 1601, the dawn of a new century and the beginning of the end of an era known as the age of feuds and forays. Rory MacLeod, Chief of MacLeod, is forced to handfast with Isabel MacDonald to end a feud between their clans. Though Rory has no intention of keeping his unwanted handfast bride, the fierce chief never anticipates the captivating woman who seems too good to be true.

Book two, HIGHLANDER UNMASKED, belongs to Rory’s brother Alex, a flinty warrior fighting against injustice and the demons of his past. But his mission is put in jeopardy when he crosses paths with Meg Mackinnnon, a determined woman intent on uncovering his secrets.

And the third book, HIGHLANDER UNCHAINED, just released on Tuesday, belongs to their half-sister Flora, a headstrong heiress who vows to be a prize for no man. But she doesn’t count on Lachlan MacLean, the rugged chief who kidnaps her in order to win her heart.

Like the TV show “Law and Order” my stories are “ripped from the headlines” of history, bringing to life actual people and events with a sensual fictional twist.

2. Sounds like a great concept. Why Scottish?

I assume you mean reasons beyond the strapping, sexy men in kilts? I’m deeper than that, really I swear. Okay, actually it was while at Stanford Law School that seeds of HIGHLANDER UNTAMED were first planted. In my third year I took a comparative legal history course and wrote a paper on feudalism and the clan system. Around the same time, I picked up a book called OUTLANDER by Diana Gabaldon. I was hooked, devouring every Scottish romance I could put my hands on.

3. The ladies tell me that your covers are “hot.” I think they are quite manly myself. Which is your favorite? *muffled sound of hands covering a porcupines’ mouth, then shrieks from the resultant pain* What do you mean I can’t ask? Like choosing one of your children?!?! *muffled sound ensues*

I love each of them equally. That is the PC answer, but I assume you will tie me up in a poorly lit room torturing me with your sharp quills until I tell you??? Okay, under pain of death, the third one (HIGHLANDER UNCHAINED). And that’s mostly because the pose feels fresh to me (and it was my idea to boot!). I love Nathan Kamp’s very sexy arm in the first one and I think the second one with the great purple cover really stands out well on the shelf.

4. Would you think about including a jaunty porcupine with a sword in your next book?

No offense, but assuming you could manage to lift a claymore, do you think porcupines are sexy? I mean how are you going to do in a side-by-side with Mr. Kamp? What do you wear under all those quills?

5. A jaunty, SEXY, porcupine with dagger sharp quills?

Hmm. I’m seeing a scene with a carriage accident. How do you feel about playing road kill?

6. A jaunty, SEXY, ALIVE, porcupine lothario who uses his rapier wit to slay his enemies?

My you must be sharp witted, indeed. Perhaps I should reconsider. Do you have an agent? We should do lunch.

7. I am my own agent and my client would be delighted to have lunch with you. *raises eyebrow quills lecherously* While I make reservations, what is next in your writing quest?

If you can believe it another back-to-back Scottish trilogy! It will center around clan Campbell. The first two books are off secondary characters in HIGHLANDER UNMASKED: Jamie and Elizabeth Campbell.

8. Sounds porcupinelicious. Which brings me back to food. What is your favorite fruit? One that I may serve with a porcupine pool boy and a large fan, mayhap?

A pineapple because it reminds me of my favorite animal—the very yummy porcupine.

9. Good answer, good answer! What do you think about throwing it all away and running off with a porcupine? A very manly one who uses his rapier wit to slay his enemies and is learning to heft a sword?

I’m thinking it sounds very good right now (as kids are screaming in my ear and husband is asking me what’s for dinner). How do you feel about the Four Seasons? Maui or the Big Island? I have miles . . .

Comment in this post to win a copy of Highlander Untamed and Highlander Unmasked!!!

One night in August when my son was about a month old, we hit that dreaded stage of inconsolable crying at 2 a.m. I had taken care of all the usual suspects in that he had a full tummy and a clean, dry diaper, clean onesie, and was swaddled in a soft cotton blanket — warm but not too warm — but he wouldn’t stop crying.

We paced, patted his back, jiggled him up and down, swayed him from side to side. Nothing seemed to help. I spoke to him softly, even tried that exaggerated singsong voice I swore I would never use because I hated hearing it when I was a child. He spit out the pacifier repeatedly because it interfered with his screaming. Aside from the fact that my husband needed to sleep because he was working with power tools the next day, we were nearing the volume level that would wake the neighbors.

The situation became desperate enough it was time for drastic measures. It was time to sing to him.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love to sing. But I took band in school, not choir, so I sing with a great deal more enthusiasm than actual skill. In fact I only sing at church, where my voice is drowned out by the rest of the congregation, or when I’m driving alone with the windows rolled up. While I was pregnant I often belted out songs while I was driving in part so my son would not be scared by my voice after he was born. My favorites were CDs of sea chanties (research, y’know).

But those performances were always with the backup of the radio or a CD. In the middle of the night, all alone except for the screaming infant in my arms, what could I sing? What songs did I know all the words to that did not require backup vocals? Hymns were out of the question since I was still so emotional about this precious gift from God (yes, the gift who was trying to make me deaf) that I got too choked up to speak, never mind sing.

After racking my brain, the only song to which I could remember all of the words was the theme to Gilligan’s Island.

In my single foray into the world of high school musical theater, part of the audition requirement was to sing a solo. I had no plans for a career on Broadway, but I really wanted to spend the six weeks of rehearsal hanging out with a boy I liked who did have vocal talent, and my voice would mingle unnoticed as part of the chorus. I agonized for days over my choice, which would have to be sung a cappella, and ended up singing the theme song to Gilligan’s Island. It’s simple, no multiple-octaves required (unlike the Star-Spangled Banner, a cliché choice by several of those auditioning), and I bet you’re hearing part of the tune in your head right now. (Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…) The show had aired everyday after school, between the Flintstones and Star Trek, so I knew the words by heart.

The drama teacher and choir director were incredulous (I still remember the you’ve-gotta-be-kidding-but-I’ll-give-you-points-for-chutzpah look on their faces) but my son Daniel loved it. By the time we got to the Professor and Marianne, Daniel had quieted down to hiccups.

This incident proved there are still a lot of gaps in my store of mom knowledge. I should know some actual lullabies, right? Colic seems to last forever, so I should expand my repertoire. Gilligan gets old the tenth or twelth time through, and I’m not sure I want Daniel to remember the lyrics to Liverpool Girls – a fun but salty 19th century sea chanty containing at least three words that don’t normally occur in my speech, not even when I stub my toe.

I did some research into lullabies and was utterly shocked by what I found. Here are two examples:

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word.
Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird

Isn’t this bribery? We’re teaching our children right from the cradle that if they do what we ask, we will give them something. When they get older, doesn’t this lead to extortion?

And if that mockingbird won’t sing,
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that billy goat won’t pull,
Papa’s gonna buy you a cart and bull
And if that cart and bull fall down,
You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

The ending isn’t so bad though we’re still promising gifts in exchange for good behavior. But this lullaby is far less shocking than the next one I found:

Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop

Putting babies high up in a tree… does Child Protective Services know about this?

When the wind blows
The cradle will rock

Okay, rocking is good. This might help a baby go to sleep.

When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall.

Are we trying to freak out our kids?

And down will come baby
Cradle and all

Who wrote this, the Brothers Grimm? This is supposed to help a child feel safe and secure enough to go to sleep?

If these are the songs meant to soothe us as small impressionable children, I’m surprised we don’t grow up more dysfunctional than we are.

I think I’ll stick with Gilligan.

If you ever visit my websites or my MySpace page, you might have noticed that for the past few months, I’ve had a countdown widget for Seduction Is Forever. Well, last night at midnight, it rolled down to the last minute and timed out. Because today, Seduction Is Forever is finally on the shelves!

What can I say about this book that all you regular visitors here and to my other sites don’t already know? I mean, you know it’s the third and final Lady Spy book. You know it’s about Emily, who is the most talented and wild member of my “Lady Spies” universe. If you read Desire Never Dies earlier this year, you probably also remember that Emily was shot in that book and nearly died.

What you might NOT know is that I was most excited about writing Emily from the moment I conceived the series. I knew her story had to be last, since her book is related to the uncovering of who the mysterious Lady M is and since I knew she would have to be seriously injured in the middle book to drive Ana into the field. As I wrote the first two book (From London With Love and Desire Never Dies) I became even more enamored with tough, street smart, incredibly talented Emily.

And then I started her book and she completely terrified me! Her character had been so built up in the earlier books that I worried the entire time I worked. I needed to keep her toughness, but give her some softness that maybe we hadn’t seen from her before. I needed to give her the perfect hero, one who could match with her strength, but not be run over by her. I needed to resolve all those pesky questions that had gone throughout the entire series, but I also needed to make sure that her story stood on its own.

Lots of pressure, most of it self-made.

In the end, I’m so excited for all of you to read this book. Emily was a joy to write, as was her hero, Grant Ashbury, who is honestly just as tough as she is. With just as much heart. I hope their story touches you. Go pick it up and let me know!

Did you know The Professor and I met on an on-line dating site? Yep, it’s true. There’s this one, you’ve seen the commercials, they’re the most successful dating site out there. They’re reputable, their questionnaire is more extensive than the rest of the crowd and yeah, they’re more expensive, but it’s worth it right? Well, we were both on there – you know the one I’m talking about, you can probably hear the theme song in your head right now (“this will be an everlasting love…”). Yeah, we were both on there, but, um…we weren’t matched. Nope, according to them, we’re not compatible. We actually met on a different, way less known site that frankly wasn’t all that great, had really short, unhelpful profiles and the only reason I even bothered sending him that first email was that his profile headline was two grammatically immaculate sentences and I thought, “who writes like that on a dating site???” so I sent him a snarky e-mail (I know, that’s hard for you to imagine) and what do you know, he thought it was funny and the rest, shall we say, is history.

So why is it that we were both on that site and yet we weren’t considered a perfect match? Well, I think it’s because they mostly are looking for compatibility, sameness in a couple. Now I’m not saying anything negative about them (although, hello, soulmate here, what’s wrong with you people?!) which is why I’m leaving their name out of this because clearly they’re doing something right. But for me, and I suspect most people out there, there is something missing from their equation that I think is essential for a great partnership. Compatibility is obviously important, you want to share likes, but on the other side of the coin, you really need some contrast. Without differences, you’re left with marrying someone who is just another version of yourself and I don’t know about you, but THAT would drive me freaking nuts. Contrast gives both of us room to grow, we challenge each other, which coupled with that compatibility makes for a perfect combination.

That same is true for heroes and heroines. You don’t want just compatibility or else your book will read like a really boring conversation about dating. And you don’t want just contrast else your characters will do nothing but fight all the time. And the compatibility shouldn’t just be a mutual attraction. Yeah, that’s important, but I don’t know about y’all, but my girlish figure is not what it used to be and the old bags are packed beneath my eyes. Look at The Professor and I. We both share a love of music, but we like way different types of music – there is some common ground there, but not a lot, but our deep-seeded love of music is a language we share. We both have home state pride. Now we happen to disagree over which state is best, but everyone knows it’s Texas and I’m right. We both have strong family values. We both value dreams and education and want children and I could go on and on. But then there’s that stuff where we totally aren’t the same, he likes artsy movies and I’m a big-budget girl, he loves to stay up late and sleep late, I like to get up early and get moving. He tends to be more relaxed and slow-moving (translates to always late, but I’m being nice) while I am obsessively on-time and stuck on schedules – he relaxes me and I make him more aware of time. Yeah, these are simple examples, but you get my drift. Together we make a perfect match, he compliments me, he’s strong where I’m weak and he challenges me and visa versa.

So whether you’re a reader or a writer or just out in the dating field. Think about not just sameness, but areas where you can enjoy the differences. So how about you? What about you and your significant other? How do y’all compliment and challenge each other?

Just wanted to give a quick head’s up that the 5th chapter of “A Woman Scorned” is up (along with some other site updates). So come on by, read the chapter and vote for what you think should happen in Chapter 6! It’s the LAST chance to vote for this story, so if you’ve put it off, now is the time!

http://www.jennapetersen.com

And be sure to scroll down and see Margo’s post about Life Expectancy!

Try this: Calculate.

I don’t know how accurate this is, but it’s an interesting tool. As you do the test, you can take note of the way certain factors influence your longevity. It gives you some insight as to how your lifestyle can affect the length of your life. Of course, you can’t do anything about your family history, but there’s always more you can do to be healthier, and hopefully live longer, right?