Last week when I was watching a re-run of Ghost Whisperer, I decided that Melinda’s husband Jim would make a good hero. I can’t even remember the exact scene that made me think that…but I realized he is a genuinely nice guy, sensitive without being girly, strong without being in-your-face.

That got me to thinking of other current television heroes….and I drew a blank. I couldn’t think of one other man….not one. Is it me or does the current television season seems overrun with reality and game shows?

There has to be some other heroes out there….c’mon help me out. Can you name just one?

Jaunty P. Quills here, taking over the Jaunty Blog once more. There was much blood spilled, but it was well-worth it because I’m here today with a very special guest. Please welcome Janet Mullany, the authoress of the August release, THE RULES OF GENTILITY.

Being a dashing rake myself (rakes are pointy… porcupines are pointy… it’s practically the same thing), I thought I just had to interview Janet because her book is as fabulous as a mouthful of fresh bark. And trust me, I know bark. Welcome Janet!

Hi, Jaunty, and thanks for the kind words about the book. I don’t think it’s been compared to bark before. I’m immensely flattered–did you actually eat it? It is a processed tree product, after all.

Um, well I read it first and enjoyed it. Then… I did eat it a little. And it was as tasty as it was enthralling. Mmmm, ink. Sorry, I was distracted. Let’s move on. So, you wrote a story that can really only be described as Regency Chick-lit. Can you tell us a bit about THE RULES OF GENTILITY?

I began writing it for fun. I’d just finished a doom ‘n’ gloom ms. (not yet sold) where it rained all the time and the hero and heroine behaved badly and were full of angst, so I needed some light entertainment. It was really more of a joke than anything else–I was thinking of Bridget Jones’s Diary with a Regency heroine. I was also writing a spoof, so it has some very tired and true plot devices, like a false engagement and the heroine falling off a horse in the park; but at the same time I wanted to see if I could write a sort of “back to basics” book with a heroine who is a woman of the times whose main ambition is to make a good marriage. And, uh, make it interesting. I also wanted to write a genuinely funny book because I find humor slipping into the oddest places when I write (deathbeds, proposals, passionate love scenes etc.) and although there are a lot of romances with fabulous wit and one-liners, I think we tend to be a bit overawed by our genre. It’s love! It’s serious! We must be better people for reading it!

Did you enjoy writing the book in first person, but from both your hero and heroine’s point of views?

I loved it. It gave me such tremendous opportunities to play with my characters and have fun with them. I found it rather alarming how I was able to adapt my voice to Philomena and Inigo’s–surely all writers should all be burned at the stake–and I also had to fine tune writing present tense with first person. There’s a tendency to write every single action and thought–for instance, if you hear a knock at the door you wonder who it is, put down your lapdog or porcupine, stand up, straighten out your gown in case it’s a gentleman…and so on. Whereas to stop the reader going absolutely insane, you just have to say there’s a knock at the door and character X comes in. You can’t write it play by play. But first person is both freeing and challenging. You–the writer–are still the one in charge, the one who decides what characters will or won’t see or know, but at the same time you have to let the reader know things the characters may be unaware of without making them (the characters) look totally clueless. Was that long-winded enough?

Please, you want long winded, hang out with the Jaunty Authors for more than ten minutes. Uh-oh, they’re looking at me funny. Quick, pretend like I didn’t say that and we’ll distract them with more questions. Your heroine is Miss Philomena Wellesley-Clegg. What makes her different?

She’s a cosmic revenge sent to taunt me. When I first started writing romance I stomped around a lot boasting that *I’d* never have a virgin heroine giggling in drawing-rooms. Oops. So now I have one. I’m very fond of her, actually. She’s young, she does some pretty stupid things, but she has a lot of toughness and honesty. She’s innocent but not ignorant or unobservant. One editor who saw an earlier version described her as “cloying” which I was actually quite proud of in a perverse sort of way, but I did rewrite and make her slightly more worldly. She doesn’t have a lot of baggage other than the mother who never stops talking (Miss Bates meets Mrs. Bennett) and the stigma of being from Trade and *not* being related to the Duke of Wellington; she’s very upfront about her origins. She’s from Lancashire, and people from the north of England tend to have a no-nonsense, humorous take on life that I admire.

Yeah, and she has a bonnet thing. If you look back at all the times I’ve taken over this blog, I’ve been a sharp dressed gentleman, myself, so I get her obsession with looking right. The clothes do make the porcupine. Or lady. Or weasel. I’ve seen some remarkably well-dressed weasels. Wait, what was my question?

I’ve forgotten. I’m just overcome with admiration for your gorgeous bonnet. Philomena would be green with envy. And of course weasels look good in anything–they have those supermodel lithe skinny bodies.

Stupid weasels. Sorry, I get distracted. You had a really great cast of secondary characters. So do you have any plans for more stories of the Regency-Chick-Lit bent? Like maybe for Philomena’s sisters? At the end of the book one is having an awfully good time sketching naked statues! That sounds like a heroine to me.

Thanks! I loved the secondary characters too and I feel the book is as much about the Philomena and Inigo’s families as it is about their love story. I put the twins in because it seemed at one point that every Regency-set had twins and/or eccentric bluestockings. I also loved Inigo’s mother although it’s pretty obvious that her HEA will come about. The character who interested me most, however, is the bad girl, Caroline, who appears very briefly near the beginning of the book; I thought that having written about a genuinely nice, somewhat naive character, it might be fun to write about someone who is worldly and decadent. I’m working on some other ideas, though; the way my editor put it, is that this book is “Love Me Do;” next she wants “Sergeant Pepper.”

Now those songs are going to be stuck in my head! I hear you’re another one of those authors who has multiple personalities. Want to tell us the name of your ‘other self’ and what she writes?

Yep, that would be Jane Lockwood whose debut novel, an erotic historical called Forbidden Shores (Signet Eclipse), comes out in Oct. I’ve always written dirtier–whoops, I mean, of course, hotter, than the norm–so this is a natural direction for me to take. (The Rules of Gentility doesn’t actually have any explicit sex scenes–there’s an undercurrent of bawdiness and sensuality, though, that I hope you’ll enjoy.) Forbidden Shores is darker and angsty but still with some (possibly inappropriate) humor and it deals with some very serious issues. As, actually, does The Rules of Gentility, I think, but that’s because humor has to be based on real issues and emotions to work. It’s not just the one-liners.

Nothing wrong with a one-liner. I live on one-liners. If a porcupine wanted to say… stalk you… are you going to be at any upcoming events?

I’m signing on August 11, 1:30 p.m. at Riversdale House Museum, a federal-era house near Washington, DC. The signing is actually part of the Annual Battle of Bladensburg Encampment, celebrating the nearby battle when invading British troops defeated the Americans about ten miles outside the city and then proceeded to burn down the White House and Georgetown in 1812. Not our finest hour. Rosalie Calvert, the owner of Riversdale House, mentions “seeing” the battle (we think she probably saw the rockets) from the house. You’ll see historical reenactors sweating away in their authentic woolen uniforms and (safely) firing weapons and you can tour the house (which is a wonderful place). So please do come if you’re in the greater Washington DC area. There’s more information here. And I will definitely be at the New Jersey Conference in October, and signing as both Jane and Janet at the Literacy Signing. I hope they let us sit together.

One final question… have you ever thought of writing a book with a porcupine hero? Wait, wait, don’t dismiss it out of hand. We’re very loyal and quite dashing you know.

I can tell, even when you’re in drag. I’m just wondering about the logistics of a porcupine hero–the waltzing, the wedding night, the tendency to release quills under high excitement. But I’ll give it some thought. Definitely. And meanwhile, thanks for having me!

Thanks so much for coming! And don’t forget to check out Janet’s website for more info on all her books.

It’s so hard for me to believe it – yesterday was my 26th wedding anniversary. Mike and I were married 8/1/81 (a date that would be easy for me to remember, since I am so terrible at such things!) But 26 years!! I’m pretty sure we’re not old enough to have been married so long.

My husband is the most romantic guy on the planet. He wasn’t the one who needed an easy date to remember. For the past 26 years, when I got up on the morning of August first, there has been a bouquet of flowers on the counter by the coffee pot, and a lovely card signed by my sweetheart husband. And dinner reservations, if not a weekend trip away. Year six, when I was pregnant with our youngest, he brought a candlelight dinner up to our bedroom which was the only air conditioned room in the house. That baby was due 7/31 and I felt like I was going to be pregnant forever. (That child finally arrived 8/5, which reminds me …).

But more than romantic gestures, my husband has stepped up to the challenges of raising a family and developing a career. Of dealing with me (yikes!) and the uncertainties of my career change. Of rolling with the punches that everyday life threw at us.

So here’s true romance:

->I used to think my babies slept through the night. Turns out my husband was getting up and doing the night feedings without ever mentioning it to me. (I was always a pretty sound sleeper, even though I breast-fed all my kids!)

->Every evening (after a 50 mile commute from work) he took the kids off my hands so that I could take a breather.

->Makes dates to spend time only with me. Hiking at the local park, a long visit at the museum, a weekend at the Shakespearean theater across the border a couple of hours away.

->Cleans the bathrooms at least once a week.

->Has planned almost every vacation we’ve taken since 1975, and invited my mom to join us for our annual week’s stay at the cottage until her death two years ago.

->Took the kids ice skating every Saturday while they were little so that I could have a few hours of uninterrupted writing.

->Organizes the basement a couple times a year.

->Brainstorms with me when I get into plot trouble.

->Makes up stories to tell all the neighborhood kids around the campfire, and they STILL want to hear them!

->Reads every one of my books!

And these are just the things I can tell you about!!

Tell me what are the things you find most romantic in your partner?

Speaking of releases… I had one of a slightly different nature three weeks ago yesterday.

A friend pointed out that I haven’t blogged for over three weeks, when I was hospitalized for a week for a complication with my pregnancy. At that time we were hoping the baby could stay inside for at least a few more days to let the steroids help his lungs mature, despite the risk of infection from the amniotic sac having sprung a slow leak.

So I just wanted to reassure everyone that everything turned out fine.

…

Oh, you want details? Pictures? Fine, twist my arm.

Things got a little dicey over the weekend so Monday morning the docs decided to induce labor. Being induced lived up (down?) to everything I’d been warned about by other moms, with the added bonus of severe edema — I could barely bend my legs enough to walk. After 21 hours on a pitocin drip things finally got going, and back labor started. Thanks to the hormone drip, contractions were two minutes apart and lasting two minutes. I won’t try to describe back labor — suffice to say if it could be replicated it would make a highly effective interrogation/torture technique. Thank God for the epidural.

But all that quickly fades as I gaze into my son’s face.
Daniel Zacharias Karr arrived at 3:30 Tuesday afternoon, July 10th, weighing 5 lbs. 5 oz., just over 18″ long. Perfect, and with a full head of light brown hair, despite being six weeks premature.

They whisked him away to the NICU for monitoring but let me hold him for a few minutes after we’d both had a chance to freshen up. Six days later we were able to bring him home.

This is still his favorite position — over your heart, head tucked under your chin, preferably skin to skin. He’s been known to cop a feel by sneaking his hands into blouses. This is also the position he does the most sleeping — good thing it’s a comfy recliner. We might as well return the bassinet (the cats nap in it more than Daniel does) though he sometimes stays asleep in his car seat for up to two hours at a stretch.

Daniel’s eyes are open more and he’s starting to react to his environment. Mike is a little less terrified and more confident in his skill as a caregiver. (Or maybe it’s just the chronic fatigue taking the edge off.) We’re learning the cues to meet Daniel’s needs, though I have yet to master telling the difference between the little noises and stretches that signify the end of a REM sleep cycle and those that indicate the onset of hunger. I have to fight the urge to pick him up every time even though it might be interrupting his sleep, never mind my own.

When I’m pacing at 3 a.m. to calm Daniel after the trauma of a diaper and wardrobe change, I remember how blessed we are. Even when things went wrong, it was the best version of what could go wrong.

And I will always remember July 4th as the last time I got as much as four hours sleep in one stretch.

Be sure to scroll down to read Jenna’s “open letter” and have a chance to post your own.

Back in May, I wrote a post about Detoxifying Jenna, which was about my new lifestyle of eating and exercising and other good things. It’s working too! Update: I’m down over 30 lbs with about 15 more to go.

Jenna Before

And After

But that’s not what this post is about. It is about this:

Dear Women at My Gym:

If I am on an elliptical in the long line of ellipticals and you want to do an elliptical… you can choose other machines besides the one right next to me. If the gym is full, I can understand it. But when there are 15 available machines, there is no need to snuggle. I’m sweaty. And I don’t like you that way.

When we are upstairs on the small circuit of weight machines, there are a few simple guidelines. One is to wipe off the machines. Just because you are a girl does not mean you are not sweaty. I don’t want to sit in your sweat. It is not fun.

Secondly, once you pick a machine, kindly move in a clockwise motion around the circuit. When you dart from machine to machine, go in backward circles or just sit in one place for two or three rotations, it is very confusing and throws off my mojo.

Finally, although many of the machines have comfortable and cushiony seat pads, they are not for just sitting and chatting. There are several plush chairs and at least ten tables downstairs where you can talk about your divorce and your weirdo kids and your trip to Hawaii and whatever other things you want to gab about. Seriously, weight machines are for LIFTING WEIGHTS.

Thanks, everyone, for letting me get that off my chest. So, do you have any pet peeves in public places like the gym? Want to post an open letter to the people in your cafeteria or at your office complex or in the parking lot or the mall? Let’s make today Open Letter Day!