August 16, 2007
The Homer Simpson School of Reviewing
Written by Jenna Petersen in Jaunty PostMy local paper has it all, I’ll tell ya. Local news, AP stories for National news, the comics (in full color)… heck, they even have restaurant reviews. Well, they CALL them restaurant reviews. But I think you have to use the term loosely.
Before I launch into that tirade, let me explain a little more about the town I live in. We have a lot of restaurants. There’s a joke that we have two restaurants for every person in town (100,000 people in town). And sometimes, as I drive up the six lane strip that is Veteren’s Parkway, I have to believe that statistic is true.
But here is another fact about my town. Every restaurant is a chain. Okay, ALMOST every restaurant is a chain. We have Olive Garden, we have Chilis, we have Carlos O’Kelly, we have Bennigans, we have four McDonald’s, we have two Wendy’s. The list goes on and on.
And this brings me back to the ‘restaurant reviews’ in my local paper. They review THE CHAINS!! This morning, the restaurant review was for Olive Garden. Now don’t get me wrong, I like Olive Garden as much as the next person. I especially like it for large groups of visiting relatives. It feels more like a ‘nice’ meal, but it’s moderately priced and you know you’re safe with the food. However, I don’t think it’s review-worthy. I mean, what can you say. The breadsticks were breadsticky? The lasagne tasted like every lasagne I’ve ever had at Olive Garden for the last ten years?
Nope. This guy reviews it like he’s reviewing a four-star restaurant in New York City. With a straight face. Like it’s not a chain.
What UP with that??????? And what’s next? Reviewing Dairy Queen?
9:15 am | Share This
ladydawgfan Says:
LOL, Jenna!! And I understand where you are coming from. What a waste of a newspaper column.
Here in Burlington, we have a lot of quirky little restaurants, some of which are pretty good. Our local paper does a pretty good job of reviewing them and staying away from the chains. However, once in a while, they strike out.
Why would a newspaper review a chain restaurant when there are so many little restaurants popping up?? Go figure!!
J Perry Stone Says:
Holy crap, you’re hilarious.
But I totally feel for this guy. He’s trying to bring a little class to the paper … either that, or he’s lost his ever-loving’ mind.
If they ever do a review of Mickey Dees, I’m BEGGING you to post it.
“I sat in a corner booth overlooking the playland and tore into my pomme frite. They were cooked to perfection and came with a dollop of sauce tomate in a charming little plastic packet.”
Jan Says:
ROFLOL. I can so relate. Our local paper ran restaurant reviews about 6 months back, which was comical since we only have about 6 places to eat that aren’t chains. It didn’t take long to hit bottom and end up reviewing them –Wendy’s, Applebees, and yes, Mickey Dees. *groan*
Clarisse Says:
Hey, our local paper runs a column with very specific itemizations of current health department ratings for local restaurants, which is helpful but a little off-putting.
By the way, loved the review by J Perry of Mickey D’s (”pomme frite” indeed, but what about that pretentious little diet Coke?)
Kathryn Says:
Your newspaper editor must be desperate for copy! I live in a small ski town north of Montreal and the chains are not allowed in. They are all gathered right by the exit on the highway and McDonald’s wasn’t even allowed to have its golden arches. In town there are funky restaurants, some really good dining, bakeries and coffee shops, but…. NO CHAINS! I think if someone suggested reviewing a chain restaurant in the Montreal Gazette, the food editor would die laughing (and letters of outrage would flood the editorial page).
Shirley Karr Says:
lol, Jenna!
Supposedly Portland has the highest number of restaurants per capita second only to San Fran, but I’m not sure our mainstream paper does reviews — I gave up on it long ago. Aside from their snooty attitude about romance (our local RWA chapter PAID for an ad and they still wouldn’t list our literacy fundraiser event in the Things To Do column), in one writing reference book only one paper in the entire country is used more often than The Oregonian to show examples of typos and just plain bad writing. The author is a national columnist, not a local guy.
Our town also has the highest number per capita of strip clubs, but that’s probably unrelated.
Shana Says:
Shirley, I heard Houston has the highest number of restaurants and strip clubs per capita. But I’ll let Portland have those honors
Yeah, the Houston Chronicle would never review the Olive Garden. Your town is weird, Jenna.
brownone Says:
You have me laughing my a** off Jenna!! In my one horse town, we have five churches and banks to every one person. Anytime you see new construction, you wonder which bank or what church is going up.
Anyhow, last week I was reading my newspaper and they were reviewing ice cream places. They reviewd Baskin Robins, Coldstone, and Marble Slab Creamery. They are all chains! I just thought it was a waste of newsprint!
Haven Rich Says:
That was too funny!
Emily Says:
You’re entirely right! You must live in a most “Normal” town. Perhaps I’ll read the review and hit Olive Garden to see if the reviewer was on the right track.
AndreaW Says:
I agree with Kathryn, he must have been desperate! Too funny.
J Perry…loved your review! LOL