June 20, 2007
Great Expectations
Written by Shirley Karr in Jaunty PostThe industry advice is to be careful regarding what you blog about, because it’s out there for anyone and everyone in the whole wide world to read. We shouldn’t get too personal or reveal too much, so I’ve held back on something that’s very personal. But now that it’s getting out there so anyone who sees me can tell what’s going on, I’ll spill the beans. Plus, I’m seeking the opinion of learned, experienced women, like the kind who regularly read our blog. Many of you have become friends since we started Jaunty Quills.
So here goes. ::deep breath:: My husband and I are expecting our first baby in August. It was a surprise only in that we had been trying so long, we’d about given up. We’re both on the, ahem, mature side. (Seriously, do you have any idea how many symptoms pregnancy and perimenopause have in common? Until morning sickness kicked in…) Both my older sisters married their high school sweethearts and began their families within a couple years, so my mom already has five grandkids and two great-grandkids. But they all live scattered around the country and we’re only seven minutes away, so she is very much looking forward to doing the hands-on grandma thing. And having a babysitter so close should be a good thing, right? 
Being a writer, especially a writer of historical fiction, means I love to research. Now I have a whole new field to study, which I’ve been doing in addition to my research on sailing ships and seamanship for my manuscript in progress. (My hero Nick, as captain of his own ship, knows things that I bluffed my way around in the previous two books in which he appeared.) I did a lot of babysitting in high school but that was a few years ago, and I haven’t had much contact with infants in the interim. I’m pretty sure a few things have changed since then.
After my check-up last Friday, I realized I need to step up research on one topic in particular since I’m now less than ten weeks away (eek!) from my due date: childbirth. I’ve read a bit about Lamaze and Bradley and a couple of alphabet soup type classes, but want to hear from some of you who’ve gone through childbirth relatively recently. Did you find a technique or method that really worked? Was a total crock? Something in between? (The most frequent piece of advice I’ve received so far is “Get the epidural!”) I’ve already learned the hard way that whoever said Braxton-Hicks contractions don’t hurt was lying through his teeth. I’d like to minimize the number of things I learn the hard way in the delivery room. Care to share your words of wisdom?
PS: Yes, we know what we’re having (ultrasound showed male appendages) and no, we haven’t chosen his name yet. All we’ve been able to agree on so far is what he won’t be called. Some of you may find this hard to believe but I am not pushing to name him any form of Jack or Johnny. I did suggest Sinclair, Tony, Alistair, and Nick (short for Nicodemus), but my hubby just rolled his eyes. 
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brownone Says:
Congrats Shirley!! Well, I’ll tell you the obvious, which is to enjoy your sleep while you can…which is ridiculous because you probably can’t even get comfortable enough to actually sleep.
Well, my advice is ditto on the epidural. I don’t know what they are talking about when they say “in between contractions”. For me, it just hurt to holy heck the whole time. Then again, it is when they give you the pitocin that the “contractions” hurt the most. I makes ‘em stronger. Just remember that it’s all about you and your comfort! If you don’t want something, refuse it and don’t be afraid of anyone’s feelings…they more than likely understand.
Just a funny story, my husband used to raise cattle when he was younger. When I was having my first child, he said, “Oh, this is just like a cow. It might take all night.” I asked if he just called me a cow, glaring at him and he quietly backed out of the room….he came back in time for the baby to be born though..
Shana Says:
Shirley, just want to say congrats publicly! Obviously, I don’t have any advice, since I don’t have any little ones yet. You’ll do great!
Isabel Says:
Shirley, congratulations! I don’t have any kids, so I can’t pass on any wisdom, but I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers. How exciting for you! ((hugs)))
Bonnie Ferguson Says:
Congratulations!
AndreaW Says:
Congrats to you and your husband, Shirley!!
I wish you both much success as parents.
As for advice, I really can’t offer any because both of my pregnancies and deliveries were completely different. Plus, all that I’d learned flew right out the window when the time actually came. Just enjoy it and record it either on video (well, maybe not the actual delivery) or in writing so you’ll always remember it.
Margo Maguire Says:
Shirley - my best advice is:
1. Whether you use Lamaze or not, go to the classes because they’re full of information about the L&D process, and do the exercises religiously. They will help you through L&D and also help you to recover from the birth.
2. Ask questions when you’re in labor. The L&D staff will be very helpful - ask about an epidural, ask how the baby’s doing … ask about anything you don’t understand. (A lot of this will be covered in Lamaze classes).
3. Do not listen to the horror stories that people love to share. They’re irrelevant.
Good luck! (Oh - and a public congrats, too!)
Dorothy Says:
Shirley, first, CONGRATULATIONS! That is so wonderful for you.
Second, I agree with Margo. Even if you don’t use the Lamaze stuff, the classes are good and you learn alot in them.
Lastly, both of my kids were born by C-section (and after having gone through labor) so I can’t offer any advice on L&D. I can say that I preferred the epidural over the spinal though.
Good Luck, but I’m sure you’ll do fine.
Jenna Petersen Says:
Congratulations, Shirley! I don’t have any kids, either so no help here.
Shirley Karr Says:
Thanks, everyone!
Okay, now Dorothy’s got me confused. What’s the difference between a spinal and the epidural?
Brownone’s story about the cow reminded me of Bill Cosby’s routine about childbirth. At one point his wife Camille grabbed him by the collar and screamed “You did this to me!” I reminded my dh, in case I do the same thing. I’m not saying he’s nervous or a wimp, but he did say it was a pretty good deal his dad had, waiting in the hall until it was all over.
Crystal Says:
Congrats, Shirley!
Cherie J Says:
Congrats! So happy for you! I just had a baby girl 8 months ago, my second and last baby. Both my pregnancies resulted in c-sections so I never got to use my Lamaze class instructions since I never went into labor. I am chicken when it comes to pain so I probably would go with the epidural.
Karen H in NC Says:
Congratulations Shirley. You will be a good mom.
From what I am reading at Wikipedia, the only real difference between Epidural and Spinal is perhaps the kind & dosage of anesthesia administered, and perhaps the location of the injection site. In most cases, a spinal will cause temporary paralysis, is stronger and used more often when surgery is involved. An epidural which is favored for normal childbirth, probably will not cause paralysis and is a milder form of the anesthesia.
Kathryn Smith Says:
Congrats, Shirley! Hope you and the hubby find a name you can agree on! lol.
Dorothy Says:
Shirley, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to confuse you!!
Haven Rich Says:
Ok, mum of 2 here and although they are 15 and almost 12..I still remember. Very well.
Lamaze worked well for me! I didn’t have any pain meds and actually took a nap as I was headed down the back nine (aka, while I was around 5-10cm).
Don’t scream! Seriously! It takes more effort for you to scream, pushing the energy up instead of down. Hence the baby will sit there unless you bare down. Plus it’s a huge waste of any energy reserves you might have.
WALK!! And do those exercises. It will build up your energy level. I’ve always heard it makes it easier on you, for me that’s hard to tell. Two kids, no drugs. One was 4 hours and one was 24. Of course, I didn’t walk with my son (aka 24 hour labor).
An epidural just numbs your lower region some. It doesn’t take away all of the pain, so even if you use it, you’ll still feel a great deal of it. Don’t go in thinking, much like my sister, that you’ll get the magical epidural and won’t feel any pain. Nope sorry, you’ll feel it. It just might not be as rough. BTW this all depends on how you deal with pain.
Baby names:
What about Aaron, Adam, Layton, Riley, Devon, Dustin
Haven Rich Says:
BTW I’m rather shocked this is just NOW leaking to the press! Many of us chatters from the Avon room, knew long ago. Of course, I’m sure the great authors here knew before we did hehe.
Kathryn Says:
Try to relax during the labour. It probably will hurt more than you expect, but you will get through it. I had four kids; two with long labours (47 and 22 hours) and two that were induced and who arrived much quicker. I had the epidural for each one, and I have to say it worked best for the last three mainly because I had an idea of what to expect and was more relaxed. It took the edge off the pain, did not remove it completely, and in the case of the first worked best AFTER I had delivered!
karlakate Says:
I am so excited for you and your husband. I am kind of partial to boys since I have 3 of them. They are a lot of fun. I did take the Lamaze classed but it all went out the window when I actually went into labor. I think your body just naturally kicks in and does what it needs to do. All 3 of my deliverys were natural. No particular reason, I was just very lucky to not have enough pain to need anything so I can’t help you on the epidural info. If you do go to the Lamaze class it will go over everything that will or can take place during delivery. They even pass around an epidural needle so you will know what it looks like a head of time. My husband and I watched tv up until the acutal delivers. With my oldest it was the day after Thanksgiving and we were watching football. The doctor nearly missed that delivery because he didn’t want to miss the game. With my second one we watched Johnny Carson’s last show. And with my last one we watched the Olympics when Tonya Harding nearly took Nancy Kerrigan out of the skating event. Isn’t life great!!! You will do great. Just be sure to take things slow after the deliver. You will think you feel like doing a lot but you will recover a lot faster if you don’t rush things to much. At least for the first week or two. And yes, having a baby sitter 7 minutes away will be a blessing. Good luck to you and I can’t wait to see a picture of the beautiful baby boy and hear all about him.
Stacy S Says:
Congratulations!!! Don’t listen to people telling you how horrbile it is. It’s not that bad( I had no drugs!!)
Shirley Karr Says:
Yeah, about that walking… Easy enough for the male doctor to tell me to walk five days a week for at least 20 minutes — he’s not the one with the baby inside that’s trying to push organs out the birth canal. At least that’s what it feels like any time I move. After two solid days of B-H contractions, I thought junior had turned head down since all the kicks and punches are now in different places. But the doc found his heartbeat 3″ above my navel, so all he did was turn sideways. He really likes that transverse breech position — he’s been that way since at least the first u/s in January. Should get one of those baby slings so I can carry him in the same position after he’s born.
Kathryn you poor gal — 47 hours of labor?!? I don’t even do things I enjoy for 47 hours!
Haven, my dh suggested Dustin but we crossed it off the list after I had him say it out loud. Dustin Karr, dust in car… (A friend lamented we aren’t having a girl, because then we could name her Portia or Alexis.) Naming the baby is tougher than naming a hero, because my heroes don’t have to face grade school teasing.
We kept the news pretty much to ourselves for so long because of the risk factors, the shock factor (especially to my parents :-)), and a couple of friends recently had bad outcomes with their pregnancies. But now that he’s growing so big, I don’t want people to think I just had a few too many desserts, y’know?
Sophia Nash Says:
Congratulations Shirley!
So, so excited for you! The mistake I made was worrying too much about the birth and not thinking too much about what it was going to be like to have to take care of a baby round the clock. My one solid piece of advice is: Sleep when the baby sleeps/naps, and develop a signal between you and your husband/mother so they’ll know when to politely kick all exhausting visitors out the door when you need to rest.
Congratulations…There’s nothing like baby love!
Sophia Nash
Kimberly Logan Says:
As I’ve said before, Shirley, I’m pretty much clueless when it comes to birthing advice, as I have no children of my own. (But my sister says congrats and dittos the “Have the epidural!” mantra.)
I’m so very happy for you and your family. Needless to say, the new addition will have seven doting Jaunty aunties. Oh, and one proud porcupine, er…cousin?
Lacey Says:
I KNEW! I KNEW!
Seriously, though, how did I know? I assumed I’d read it here…
Congratulations (again!)! I’m so happy for you!
Haven Rich Says:
Lacey, I found out when Shirley told me she wasn’t coming to conference this year, since airlines don’t allow women in their last trimester to fly.
Still a huge bummer that you can’t come, but a Leo is well worth it *so says the Leo*. I’m sure Jenna will agree hehe.
Sometimes (with the names), you just have to go with it! My son’s name is Mathew (one T) and my daughter’s name is Aleesha (typically spelled Alicia).
So some more recommendations: Adan, Alec (means: defender of mankind), Dylan (a legendary sea-hero), Jarrett (one who rules), and Ryan (little king). Now if all of those fail, you can always use Wolfgang hehe.
Santa Says:
Congrats!!
Naming babies. At least you know it’s going to be a boy. We had so many names (boy and girl) when I was pregnant with my first child that we had to turn to our families to slash the lists. Out went 30 between them. The rest we set up those volleyball heat sheets and each week narrowed down the field. Well, we finally chose a name before we went to the hospital….and then changed our minds once she was born. I added a middle name when my husband left the room to greet family.
Blessings!!
catslady Says:
Big congratulations.
My first was a C-section after a long labor and my second was totally natural - they each had their good points and bad lol. Best wishes.
ladydawgfan Says:
WOW, Shirley!!!! Congratulations!!!!
BTW, I just got back from visiting friends in Mississippi. I was also there for a baby shower for a friend who is expecting her first baby, also a boy, in October. She and her are naming their son Nathan Christopher, which, IMHO, also works well with Karr, or you could even reverse it and go with Christopher Nathan.
ladydawgfan Says:
BTW, one little piece of advice RE names: once you decide on a name, holler it out the back door a few times using all three names (since you’re having a boy, you’ll be doing this regularly anyway, might as well find out how it sounds before it’s permanent!). Then say the name aloud with the following before it: Father (or Reverend), Uncle, Grandpa, Doctor, President, and “Best Selling Author.” A name that sounds cute on a two-year old might look silly on a business card of a CEO.
My eldest sister didn’t have this guideline to follow, and as a result, my niece had her name legally changed when she reached 21, since, in her opinion, no one would take seriously a PHD-credentialed scientist with the first name of “Tiffany” (her birth name). She ended up taking her great grandmother’s very proper, very old-fashioned, and very Swedish first name.
Just a thought, anyhoo.
Kelley_S Says:
Congratulations Shirley!!!
I have 2 girls - both delivered by c-section, although the second one was a planned c-section; I didn’t want to go through the pain twice, once was enough (43 hours). I would definitely recommend Lamaze, if nothing else, just for the information they give. I’m all about avoiding pain, so take the epidural if they offer it, no sense being in more pain than you have to.
In the end when you’re holding your baby boy - the pain is ALMOST forgettable.
Good luck - and get as much sleep as you can, while you still can.
Elaine C. Says:
I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing well. Can’t give any advice -as I’ve never had a child, but one of the funniest scenes in television history was Murphy Brown having contractions and screaming “Give me drugs”. She had planned natural childbirth until that moment.
Good luck. I’m happy for you and your husband.
Baby Shower Card Says:
Nice to finally meet you! - I\’m not exactly sure what this has to do with Baby Shower Card (that\’s what I was searching on MSN when I saw a link here), but I\’m glad I got a chance to read your blog. Thanks!!
Baby Shower Game Idea Says:
It seems to me that Great Expectations would have more to do with Baby shower game idea than just about anything else. Hello from the US please give a little more detail for us \’dunderheads\’.