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Last week I was reading a book (contemporary) romance and the stilted dialogue pulled me right out of the story. I started thinking about what it is that causes me to be jolted right out of the story.
Here are some things that pull me out:
1. Dialogue. Man sounding like a woman. Dated dialogue (sounds like something from the 1960′s) Stilted dialogue which makes you think- hey, do people really talk like this???
2. When the H or H does something that doesn’t fit their character….and it’s never explained
3. Author using old fashioned words (when it’s not a historical)….slacks instead of pants for example
4. When things that happen are just waaaaay too coincidental or convenient
5. When the heroine is TSTL (too stupid to live)….thinking about making love while bullets are flying or hearing a noise and going to investigate…alone!
6. Names that don’t seem to fit the characters….I realize this one is subjective.
That’s all I can think of for now….comments anyone??
Oh, and BTW, I now have a My Space page and I’m seriously short of friends. So, if you’d like to “friend” me….I’d LOVE it! www.myspace.com/authorcindykirk Hope to see you there soon!
Filed in: Jaunty Post
May 12th
2007
11:26 am
Shirley Karr Said:
Inaccuracies throw me out of the story. I’m willing to concede I don’t know everything and sometimes an author may learn something that’s contrary to what I thought was correct, so I’m usually willing to cut them some slack. But when, for example, an author used “fortnight” and meant a period of seven days — and did it three times so it wasn’t just a typo — she lost credibility with me.
Even in contemporaries you have to do your research. There’s an author (whose name we all recognize) whose H stopped for gas while driving through Oregon and — and pumped it herself. In Oregon, we don’t pay sales tax and we don’t pump our own gas.
PS: #5 is what turned me off romance when I tried a few Harlequins in the early 80′s. Took a decade before I tried the genre again.
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May 12th
2007
12:14 pm
Cindy Kirk Said:
Shirley,
That fortnight thing is really surprising…
And in Oregon all gas stations are still full service??? In Nebraska it’s hard to find a station that WILL pump your gas.
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May 12th
2007
12:53 pm
Clarisse Said:
Holy Cow, if I could find a service station where they still pumped your gas, I would make the attendant a romantic hero in a book immediately (but then again no one outside of Oregon would believe a gas pumping attendant hero was realistic so I would have to make the book paranormal, wouldn’t I?:)
Seriously, in answer to your original question, words that don’t fit the historical period pull me up short. Incredibly complex backstories make me just want to stop reading and take a nap (her uncle’s wife’s sister was really a Napoleonic spy and she hid the secret map in the boot of the cousin of the hero’s best friend, who is really an American spy who was coincidentally once married to the heroine’s uncle’s wife’s sister — you get it).
Lately I find that the hero or heroine having suffered a horrific level of abuse early in life makes me wonder if these kids can make it in the end (seeing as there is no psychiatric help or effective pharmaceuticals in the regency or victorian era) – so I guess bat-crazy is another deal breaker for me.
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May 12th
2007
12:58 pm
Cindy Kirk Said:
Incredibly complex backstories…her uncle’s wife’s sister was really a Napoleonic spy and she hid the secret map in the boot of the cousin of the hero’s best friend, who is really an American spy who was coincidentally once married to the heroine’s uncle’s wife’s sister…
Clarisse, this made me lol….and I agree with you 100%!
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May 12th
2007
3:11 pm
Shana Said:
Shirley, I know what book you’re talking about, but that didn’t pull me out of the story because I had no idea that you have full service in Oregon. Why is that? But whenever I read a book set in Texas where all the characters have horses and wear cowboy boots and hats, I roll my eyes. Please. I don’t own a horse, boots, or a hat–well, a baseball cap.
What pulls me out of a story is too many characters. When I can’t keep track of all of them and I am constantly looking back, trying to remember who so-and-so is annoys me.
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May 12th
2007
10:09 pm
Shirley Karr Said:
Okay, maybe that book only lost credibility with those who live in or near Oregon. Our RWA chapter sure got a hoot out of the author’s mistake.
I could go into the socio-political economic reasonings behind it, but suffice to say it really is against the law to pump your own gas in Oregon. And our price at thep pump is *lower* than it is just over the border in Washington, where you get to risk spilling high octane on your dress pants and shoes. After two years in WA and CA, this is one of the reasons I was so happy to move back to Oregon!
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May 13th
2007
12:48 pm
Lacey Said:
Hehe, slacks instead of pants…I have a friend writing a Cougar lit. I’m 25. She and I are in a contest of “do people really say that?” wills. Sometimes it’s a synonym problem, and sometimes it’s a holdover. We went through several emails where we discussed the likelihood of someone saying “steady girlfriend.” Sorry to go off on a tangent like that! You just reminded me of that.
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May 13th
2007
2:42 pm
JackieToo Said:
The thing that bothers me the most is kinda nitpicky. When times and/or ages don’t add up. For example, the hero is 13 at the beginning of the story and 10 years later, he’s 28. Or a woman who is 3 months pregnant and has the baby 9 months later (no, it wasn’t a paranormal).
One of my favorite authors does this quite a bit and it’s becoming a lttle irritating to me. Should I write and tell her? Would you as authors want to hear about something like this from a fan if it occurs often? I mean, her characters and plots are great but this thing keeps happening and it bugs me.
Told ya it was nitpicky :Þ
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May 13th
2007
4:17 pm
Cindy Kirk Said:
Jackie,
I’d let the author know….I’m just surprised the copy editor didn’t catch it.
Lacey,
Mv critique partners and I often discuss if a man would really say something or if a term is too regional….
Thanks for the posts!
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May 14th
2007
8:38 am
JackieToo Said:
Thanks, Cindy. I won’t bother about past books but if the problem crops up again, I will let her know.
‘Preciate it
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