October 3, 2006
Scientifically Proven - The Funniest Joke in the World
Written by Margo Maguire in Jaunty PostAnne’s Limericks yesterday got me thinking about jokes, so I did a little research. Turns out there was a study done a few years ago, by Professor Richard Wiseman, a psychologist from the University of Hertfordshire, in England. Via the internet, people were asked to rate some jokes, and also contribute their own.
Who knew there were national characteristics to what people think is funny. Germans found everything funny – that is, there wasn’t one particular kind of humor that appealed to them, they rated more jokes “very funny” than any other nationality. (Hello … the Germans?) Here’s one of their favorite jokes: Why is television called a medium? Because it is neither rare nor well-done.
Ahem. OK.
The Irish, English, Australians and New Zealanders seemed to enjoy jokes that involved world plays the best while French, Danes and Belgians liked surreal humor. Here’s one that was particularly popular to the French: You’re a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?” “Absolutely! What’s the second question?
Another finding was that Europeans enjoyed jokes that made fun of serious topics like death, illness and marriage. Here’s one that the Swedes liked: A guy phones the local hospital and yells, “you’ve gotta send help! My wife’s in labour!” The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?” He replies, “No! This is her husband!”
Here’s another one that jokes about a serious subject:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.”
The other man then replies: “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”
Americans and Canadians preferred jokes in which a character looks stupid or is made to look stupid. Hmmm. There were no examples given, but I’m assuming these would be the blond jokes or the ethnic type jokes (some of which are pretty funny). Here’s one of my favorites, and I can tell it, because I’m Irish :).
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
“Hallo, Mr. Chirac!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy, down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”
“Well, Paddy,” Chirac replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”
“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”
Chirac paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Begorra!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Paddy?” Chirac asks.
“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”
Chirac sighs amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.”
“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!”
“Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”
“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Chirac. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no fookin’ way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.”
Dr. Wiseman, the author of the study said, “Humour is vital to communication and the more we understand about how people’s culture and background affect their sense of humour, the more we will be able to communicate effectively. “Also, we find jokes funny for lots of different reasons. They sometimes make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of anxiety-provoking situations or surprise us because of some kind of incongruity.”
The joke that was voted funniest, by everyone, no matter what their nationality, contained all three elements. Here it is:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”
So … let’s hear some of your favorites. But remember to keep it clean (there’s no warning label on this blog site!)
8:38 am | Share This
Robyn DeHart Says:
Ah-ha-ha-ha!!!!
I’m with the Swedes on this one. I chuckled the most on their favorite joke. The last one was pretty funny though. And I enjoyed your Irish one, Margo.
I never can remember jokes…will post one later if I can think of any.
Shana Says:
I don’t know any jokes! All of those were pretty funny, though.
Melissa Says:
Why did the leper leave the party?
I’ll come back later and see if anyone knows the answer. lol!
This was a great post, Margo. I enjoyed all the jokes.
Margo Maguire Says:
Oh yeah - I forgot all those leper jokes! They were very popular for a time in the ICU where I worked. Black humor, I guess. some of them were really gross ;-).
Shana Says:
I don’t know, Melissa. Why?
Shirley Karr Says:
My lol fave was the Irish. What chutzpah!
Here’s my go-to joke when I need one in a hurry:
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this, a joke?”
AndreaW Says:
LMAO!! Those are so funny, Margo. Thanks for the laughs.
Good one, Shirley.
I’ll have to dig through my emails to find one.
Isabel Says:
A friend sent me this, it’s cute :)I’ve laughing all day after reading these, girls! LOL
If you need a laugh, read through these Children’s Science Exam
Answers -
These are real answers given by children.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
Pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends
to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
nature
hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
and
the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax
contains
the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby. (I do love this one…)
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section”
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?’
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Anne Mallory Says:
“Benign is what you will be after you be eight”
LOL
Love all the jokes. Margo, the last one on yours was my favorite of the study ones. *Bang* LOL.
Rainy Says:
Loved that one Isabel. All jokes were funny. I also can’t seem to remember one joke. This is sad because I must get two million of them via email (and it’s the few that are funny in that pile!).
Telling jokes is an art. My husband is great when it comes to a joke with an accent because he’s a wonderful mimic. I can write humor easy enough, but I seem unable to tell jokes, like in forgetting the punchline.
I do know that when I’d read something that I hoped was funny for my critique group, it was harder than other kind of writing. I felt more exposed than at any other time. With humor, you know when the laughs are supposed to occur and when they don’t….well, it’s a direct hit, albeit unintentional.
Shirley Karr Says:
No discussion of humor is complete without a mention of puns. I dug into my humor file (I have an entire folder in Windows for jokes — good for reading when I need a mood boost) and found one sent by a friend who plays in an orchestra.
<
Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. “Hey! We need to get back!”
“No need to panic,” said a fellow bassist. “I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor’s score together with string. It’ll take him a few minutes to get it untangled.”
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
“Well, of course,” said her companion. “Don’t you see? It’s the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.”
Clarisse Says:
Okay, I have got to stop reading Jaunty Quills at my desk at work. there is no laughing in divorce law, ladies and the fact that I was doubled up with laughing today was difficult to explain to passing attorneys. Loved them all. From now on I shall wait to read JQ until I am safely home.
Shirley Karr Says:
Hmph. The first paragraph cut off. Let’s try that again:
<
Shirley Karr Says:
Ohfercryinoutloud…
The Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage - about 20 minutes - during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.
Haven Rich Says:
Cute joke, I know I’m late, but I was sick yesterday..oh wait thats normal.
Anyhow the joke…
A man goes to visit his grandfather for a few days. Going into the kitchen to get a glass of water, he grabs a glass and sees that it is really dirty.
He yells, “grandpa, this glass is dirty, didn’t you wash it?”
The old man replies, “yeah, with cold water.”
Well, he washes it and gets his drink. Later in the afternoon, he goes to make a snack and gets a knife out of the drawer and sees that its really dirty.
Again yelling to his grandpa, “grandpa, your silverware is dirty. Are you sure you washed it?”
Again the old man replies, “yup, sure did, with cold water.”
The day turns into night and the young man decides to fix dinner for his grandpa. Something special he thinks. Going into the kitchen he sees every dish he picks up is dirty. Instead of asking, he just washed it and moved on.
After a very delightful meal, the old man lays his plate on the floor and gives a good yell, “COLD WATER, come here boy!”
Melissa Says:
Why did the leper leave the party?
They were using his back for dip!