August 26, 2006
The danger of “Candid Comments”
Written by Cindy Kirk in Jaunty PostTom Cruise’s fall from grace, er release from Paramount Pictures, brought front and center a concern I’ve had about information sharing. When is too much information about a writer, too much? When does sharing your thoughts and feelings about personal matters or other opinions turn off the very readers that you’re trying to build a bond with?
If I would tell you that I’m a Republican, would it matter to you? What about if I say I’m a Democrat?
Christian? Non-Christian?
Pro-life? Pro-choice?
Love animals? Hate animals?
Smoker? Non-smoker?
Should any of these even matter if we like an actor…or an author’s work? It shouldn’t, but I confess I’m as guilty as the next one on being turned off by some comments actors or authors make.
Blogs let us assuage our curiosity about people we’d like to get to know better…but too close may not be such a good thing.
Your thoughts?
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Shana Says:
I think about this topic a lot, Cindy. There are things I consider blogging about, but then I wonder if the subject is too sensitive or if people would read my opinions and disagree and then not like me. I think it’s one thing to have a conversation about a sensitive subject with someone in person. They can see your hand gestures and your facial expressions. I have really strong beliefs, and yet I’m a very tolerant person. I don’t know how well that comes across in a blog.
As for Tom Cruise, yeah, he did himself in. He came across as really extreme and intolerant. I think people can handle celebrities having strong views and even views that are outside the norm, but when you come across as intolerant, that’s it. I’ve never thought Tom Cruise was all that cute or that great of an actor, so I was never rushing out to see his movies. But I think a lot of people are now actively turned OFF by him. That’s not good for an actor. So while I respect him for standing strong on his beliefs, I think he should have been a bit less vocal about it. Or maybe his politics are more important to him than his career?
Isabel Says:
I think about this also, ladies, as I get to know more people in the online romance writing community. I realized that people will have their opinions of me and what I say, good or otherwise, I can’t help it.
I think the thing is, if you’re going to voice your opinions then they should be that: an opinion. The problem with Tom Cruise, as you said Shane, is that he comes across as intolerant, my way or the highway, “I know best” type of attitude.
If for example, I’m a part time vegetarian, (eat some chicken, salmon, commsume some dairy products) and I love animals too. But if I started “demanding” people change their eating habits to mirror mine “a la Tom Cruise”, then that’s a turn off. I’ll tell you how I am, but I won’t tell you how you should be. I’ll respect your opinions and feelings, because they’re yours.
Tom Cruise reminds me of Nathan Price, father of the Price girls in Barbara Kingsolver’s Poisonwood Bible.
Thanks, ladies
Lynne Simpson Says:
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, too. Thanks for posting about it. With actors, it’s much more important that the public like them (or at least not actively DISLIKE them) than is the case with writers and musicians. Even so, if a writer comes off like a serious jerk, it could cause some people not to buy her books.
I’m just starting a serious push to get an agent and, I hope, a publishing contract. I’m sure there are people who’d recommend that I completely sanitize everything I say on the Internet so there’s not the slightest chance an editor or agent would take offense, but I’ve decided to just be myself. I don’t post mean things, and when I do express opinions, I make every effort to be reasonable and polite about them. I guess I just couldn’t stomach the idea of being something other than I am out of fear that someone might think I wasn’t groveling enough.
Hope that makes sense.
Robyn DeHart Says:
Excellent and thought provoking post, Cindy. Well, I’ve had some personal stuff out on this blog - for better or for worse, I’m not sure. And perhaps someone else would have made a different decision, but it was out there and I couldn’t change it. But I feel as if I bonded with some readers on a different level and that can’t be bad. That being said, I’m pretty careful of my topics as well. Like Shane said, I’m extremely opinionated and sometimes when I’m running my mouth it sounds like “this the way life should be and the rest of you are fools!” and I never mean it like that. It is a fine line, but I think that line is different for each of us.
Lois Says:
Well, let’s see. . . I would never have a problem with (staying with the movie star idea) going to see a movie with an actor who has a totally different viewpoint as mine. I have my beliefs, they have theirs. I think the big difference with Tom Cruise is that he was pushing his beliefs on people, and no one responds well to that. If he just came out and said this is what I (we for scientologist) believe in and this is why, that’s fine — I may disagree, but hey, he has a right to what he feels. But he pushed and pushed, and that makes a difference. Plus everything else too, but that’s a big one.
Lois
Haven Rich Says:
I agree great topic. I personally was never a huge fan of Tom but here’s my views on him now. I think he’s a bit nutty in his outbursts (by nutty meaning he could have chosen a better way to voice his thoughts or opinions). But if he had a really awesome movie come out, I’d still go see it. Although as I said above, I’ve never been a huge fan. I think Top Gun was my last favorite.
And you’ve pointed something out to be, which I might need to work on. I’ve always considered myself an open book. Nothing to hide. If you ask a question about me, your going to get an honest answer. For better or worse. With my dream of being published it might be smart of me to not put myself out there as much, despite my being a leo and LOVING the spotlight.
Over-all though, I consider myself as being very open minded, passionate and loving. I often forgive easily and some times very emotional. The strangest things can make me cry and I talk too much but these are the things that I am.
Perosnally, on authors and such, I don’t judge them on their personal views, thoughts, faiths, or anything like that. I judge them on their writing skill. (btw as a part of who I am…I’m not one to pass judgement on people). Ask Isabel, I worry about coming off as judgemental all the time and my views on letting people be free to be who they want to be.
^^See what I meant when I said I chat too much?
Anyhow the baseline is, if someone asks my views,opinions, thoughts or what not on something..being the honest open person I am…I’m going to tell them. BUT! I will be kind doing it. I have a thing about rude people…you can voice your opinion and still be kind.
Ok I swear I’ll stop now before people start thinking this is my blog.
Have a great weekend ladies,
Haven *who can chatter on and on and on…*
Jenna Petersen Says:
I’ve always kept my political views and that sort of thing to myself for a couple of reasons:
1. I feel people are smart enough to have their own thoughts, and mine aren’t really interesting enough to share.
2. They are private. It’s the same reason why I don’t talk much about my marriage (beyond that my husband rules) or my sex life or those sorts of things. There has to be some part of me that is just for me and for those I’m truly close to in ‘real life’.
I don’t think I’m not being me, I’m just choosing which parts of me that I open up to public consumption.
Lynne Simpson Says:
Jenna said, “I don’t think I’m not being me, I’m just choosing which parts of me that I open up to public consumption.” And that’s exactly how I feel about it. There are many things I wouldn’t talk about on the Internet even if I had no intention of trying to find an agent and get published. I rarely talk politics on the ‘net, mostly because it feels to me like discussions end up preaching to the converted or rehashing topics that have been done to death. I definitely don’t talk about my marriage or sex life — even if those weren’t way too private to discuss with anyone other than very close friends or family, I don’t think anyone would find it remotely interesting.
The topics I was thinking of when I spoke about self-censorship were more to do with writing contests, conferences, the romance community, and so forth, since those have been on my mind lately. The most risk-averse strategy would be not to discuss them at all, but I felt strongly enough about a few things that I went ahead with posts and comments.
Kimberly Logan Says:
Hmmm. This can be a very tricky line to walk. And I agree, Shane. I think it can be twice as dangerous to state an opinion online as it can be to do so when you are face to face with someone. It is so easy for things to be miscontrued when the other person can’t hear your tone of voice or see your face and body language. Something you meant sarcastically could come across as something you were completely serious about or vice versa.
There are definitely topics that I wouldn’t touch online, but I also think that a person should be free to express their opinions. I DO think there is a right way and a wrong way to express those opinions. For me, the number one thing is to be respectful of others. If you come across as if you’re right and everyone else is wrong–which is exactly how Tom Cruise came across to me–it can make you look like a real jerk.