I had a hard time deciding what to blog about today. The three topics uppermost on my mind aren’t really appropriate.

There’s my copy edits, which just arrived on Thursday. This time I had a male copy editor, who is obviously a former English teacher, perhaps even professor, and has clearly never read a Regency in his life.

There is the artwork for the cover of my December book, complete with a horizontal clinch that I find highly suggestive and wholly inappropriate for my story, and goes against the branding I’ve been trying to establish of a sweeter (rather than spicy) read. I’m supposed to be happy that it’s a relatively tame cover compared to other covers that are coming out. Apparently, the gurus in Marketing do let their daughters wear their skirts that short just because all the other girls are wearing them that short.

Or there’s my quest to find a long-sleeved, long white dress made of fabric to which I’m not allergic (which means it can be anything but polyester, acetate or wool). This may prove to be another holy grail.

But the purpose of this blog is not to rant and rave and vent. (Even though we — okay, I — do that sometimes.) Margo’s post on Tuesday got me thinking about movies. As far as I’m concerned, the summer movie season does not begin until July 7. Next year it will begin Memorial Day weekend, but not this year. I was chatting with a friend about two lines from that July 7 movie that are the kind I wish I had written. The kind of lines my subconscious will try to twist and warp so I can use them in my own story.

Which got me to thinking about favorite movie lines in general. There is the classic understatement, such as “Houston, we have a problem.” Tom Hanks has delivered several iconic lines: “There’s no crying in baseball!” or “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Sometimes a hysterically funny line makes no sense if taken out of context. “Put … the candle … back!” is a knee-slapper, but only if you’ve seen Young Frankenstein.

Or the delivery is what makes it so funny. Paul Lynde as Indian chief Nervous Elk (which is funny even before he opens his mouth) in The Villain, referring to the title character played by Kirk Douglas: “He doesn’t need to be watched, he needs to be looked after!” Catch this highly entertaining 1979 flick on cable some weekend. Not only does it have a bunch of great lines, it also features Arnold Schwarzenegger’s film debut as a character named Handsome Stranger (his mama named him after his daddy) who’s oblivious to Ann-Margret’s flirtatious overtures.

Tom Cruise may have had more than his share of press lately, but you have to admit he delivered one of the all-time most romantic lines, “You complete me.” Which is almost as good as “You had me at hello.”

So, what are some of your favorite lines, the kind of brilliant bon mots you wish you had written or uttered?

PS: those two lines, from July 7:
Him, addressing her, who is attired as a male sailor: “You know, these clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.”
and
Her: “There will come a moment when you will have the chance to do the right thing.”
Him: “I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.”

Have you ever lost anyone you cared about? If so, you may understand when I say I really don’t like the month of May. My mother died in 1990 at the end of May–and though I’m normally really good with dates–no matter how much I try I’m not able to remember the exact date she died. I’ve looked it up before, but the date just won’t stick.

She died fairly young after a brief (six months from diagnosis to death) fight with cancer. The following May after her death I found myself feeling blue most of the month–which is unusual for me (normally I’m upbeat). It took me a while to figure out my melancholy was because May was the month of her death.

The pain of her passing has lessened as time has gone on–not to say I don’t still miss her–I do…very much. It was so weird after her death…she filled my dreams…in those dreams I’d see her….usually at a grocery store (don’t ask me why there)..and I’d be sooooo happy. It had all been a horrible mistake. She wasn’t dead after all. Then, I’d wake up and realize there had been no mistake…my best friend and mother was really gone.

I think these types of dreams are a common occurance after the death of a loved one. My husband experienced such dreams after his father died and I used to be a hospice coordinator and often surviving family members would tell me they’d dreamed such events.

I’ve even had dreams where I’ve seen my beloved dog Comet (a Bichon Frise) who died unexpectedly when I was out of town a couple of years ago. He was my “boy” and I still wish I could have been there for him…..

I’d be interested to know if you’ve ever had such dreams after the death of a loved one…or even after the loss of a beloved pet???

Or is this too morbid of a subject to discuss??

At least that’s how it feels to me some times. I go to get my hair cut, and the girl who washes it tells me she is writing a book. I go to the bank, and the teller informs me that her niece is an unpublished poet. I go to the drug store, and the clerk tells me she’s always wanted to be a writer.

Aside from the fact that I obviously tell way too many people that I’m a writer, it amazes me that so many other people want to write books.

Why, people? It’s frickin’ hard. It’s not fun or glamorous or exciting. It’s lonely and boring and gives you a headache. Seriously. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have to. But if I didn’t write all these stories down, I think they would drive me crazy. I itch to tell them.

And maybe you do to. Okay, so this is for all you hairstylists, bank tellers, clerks, postal workers—all of you people itching to write…

How to Write a Book (that will be published)
1. You have to have an idea.
Not just an idea, a good idea. It has to be different enough from everyone else’s to catch an editor’s interest, but similar enough to all the other books being published as to be marketable. Got that? Different but the same.
2. You have to write the whole book.
I know you have heard stories of people who sold books on ideas or one chapter, but if that was going to happen to you, it probably would have already. Which means, you have to sit at the computer for however long it takes and write the whole entire book (this could be months or even years).
3. The book has to be good.
It’s not enough to know all the rules of spelling and punctuation, you have to know about characterization and conflict (external and internal), goals, and motivation. You have know about plot structure and scene and sequel and point of view and piddly things like word count and margins. You’ve got to know how to write good dialogue and good narrative, how to transition between scenes and how to write chapter hooks. You also have to know how to revise and edit, how to layer and add and when to cut.

You have to know a lot. You learn that by reading books on writing and by writing itself. Every book you write is a learning experience (hint: you may have to write more than one book, if you want to publish).
4.You have to know the business.
You’re probably going to need an agent, and there are thousands of them. So you have to research which one is right for you, submit query letters (oh, you have to know how to write one of those) and proposals (you need to know how to do that, too), and then wait and hope the right agent—not just any agent—snaps you up. See, the wrong agent or a bad agent is worse than no agent, so choose carefully or—that’s right—you’re doomed.
5.You have to be able to deal with rejection.
A lot of those agents are going to tell you that they don’t think your book is good. And then if you get an agent, a bunch of editors are going to tell you the same thing. (And then if you publish the book, a bunch of people who you don’t know but who hate you for whatever reason are going to blog about how lame your book is, how much the cover sucks, and how they wasted $5.99 on you). So you have to be tough. You can’t cry and give up and never write again. You have to have faith in yourself because that’s the thing about writing. You have to do it alone. No one can hold your hand and give you the words or the confidence to do it.
6. You need a rich husband.
Writing does not pay what you think it does. No, no, no. Forget Nora Roberts and JK Rowling and Stephen King. They are lucky and they didn’t make millions over night. They struggled, and you probably will, too. So if you didn’t marry rich…
7. You need to give up your social life.
You have a book to write. You don’t have time to watch TV, go to the movies, read books (except what you have to read to make yourself a better writer), or go out with your friends. Forget all that. You suffer for your art (and yes, that’s a picture of me before my wedding signing a book. You’re always working).

So you still want to be a writer? After all that? Okay, then I have one last three-pronged piece of advice. And this is what I’m going to tell everyone who asks me how to get published or write a book from now on. Ready?

Believe in yourself, trust yourself, and never give up.

That’s it. That’s all I know. Does it work? You tell me.

I have found that one of the most difficult things for me to come to terms with since becoming a published author has been the addition of deadlines to my life. As much as I enjoyed writing, I was always one of those people who only wrote when the mood struck, and it wasn’t unusual for me to go days or even weeks without sitting down in front of the keyboard. My very first historical romance manuscript took me four years to write. A Kiss in the Dark, which I started the year I joined RWA, took me almost two.

Now there are deadlines for everything. Not just for completing the contracted book, but for revisions, for proofreading the copyedited manuscript and answering copyeditor questions, for correcting the printed galleys. And usually these things must be done in a matter of a few weeks and sometimes even days. It has definitely been hard for me to adjust to this, but I have managed to do so. Though not without a great deal of kicking and screaming. I was pleasantly surprised when I was able to finish A Kiss Before Dawn within a 4 1/2 month time frame.

I have recently received my deadline date for the second book in the Daventry Sisters series. It is due at the end of August, and though I have already proven to myself that I am capable of meeting a tight deadline, I have to admit to a certain amount of panic. In many cases, that panic can work for you. It gets the adrenaline going and forces you to put your butt in the chair and write, even when you feel like every word you type is absolute dreck. In other instances, however, it can freeze you up and cause a killer case of writer’s block.

So, for those of you who tend to be a bit of a procrastinator–Like yours truly!–here are some of the things that have helped me when it comes to getting the writing done and meeting those deadlines.

1. Eliminate all distractions in the room where you work. And I do mean ALL. Sometimes even the most innocuous thing can cause problems when you have no will power. I used to have a television in my office, and it was all to easy to turn it on when things were going slowly and tell myself I was taking a short break. “Short breaks” usually turned into 2 or 3 hours. Eventually I had to move the T.V. to another room. As well as my bookshelf, my computer games, my…

2. Set up a writing schedule and stick to it. Or at least as closely as you can. Do take short breaks, but set a timer if you have to so you don’t take more time than you should. Once you establish a routine, it gets much easier to settle into the groove of writing when you sit down in front of the computer. Of course, there are always those little unexpected surprises that life throws at you, like the the old friend who decides to stop by for a visit and stays for hours! Always allow for those little surprises and try not to get too bent out of shape when they occur. Being able to adapt to interruptions is the name of the game.

3. Turn off the phone during your writing time or let the answering machine pick up. I have always been very good at tuning out ringing phones, so this is no biggie for me. I have my answering machine turned up just enough that I can hear key words such as “Emergency” and “Armageddon.” Barring that, I wait and listen to my messages at break time and return all calls then.

4. Set a page goal for each day. And be realistic about it. Don’t tell yourself you are going to do 10 pages a day if you know you’ve never been able to crank out that many before. That will only result in frustration. On the other hand, don’t set a goal of 3 pages a day if you know you are capable of doing more than that. That’s the easy out. I know that when things are going well I can do as many as 8 pages. On a bad day, I’m lucky if I churn out 4 pages. So I’ve set a goal of 5-6 pages a day. If I can do more, great. If not, then I don’t beat myself up. Well…unless I’m down to the last week before deadline and I still have 100 pages to go. Then I have some serious marathon writing sessions!

5. Don’t forget to reward yourself! If you meet your page goal every single day for a week or finish a project early or in time to meet a deadline, do something special for yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything big. When I finally completed Sins of Midnight, I rewarded myself with a hot fudge sundae. (Something I hadn’t allowed myself for several months because I was on a diet at the time, so it was a real treat!) Each achievement is important, even the little things, so celebrate! It will make you that much more productive when it’s time to write again.

6. Limit internet time. This has been a killer for me. I never realized just how much time I spent online until I tried to stay away from it for awhile. And there’s a lesson in that. Don’t cut yourself off completely. The internet is a very useful tool for writers, but try not to let it eat up too much of your writing time. Use an hour or two on the internet as a reward for meeting your daily goal. You’ll find you are much more productive if you get your work out of the way first before you play…er, spend time online.

So, now it’s sharing time. What about you? As an author or aspiring author, what are some things that have helped you when it comes to getting your butt in the chair and writing? Some things that didn’t help? And what about those of you who aren’t writers? Most of us have some sort of deadlines to meet at some point in our lives, whether it is at work or a self-imposed one. How do you deal with it?

As a special treat today, the JQ’s resident mascot, Jaunty P. Quills, porcupine extraordinaire, will be conducting an in-depth interview with Avon author Kerrelyn Sparks. So pull up a chair and find out all there is to know about this lovely and talented lady who knows her way around a vampire–and a good vegetable.

Jaunty: Hi, Kerrelyn! Thanks for blogging with us today. I guess the first thing the Jaunty Quills want to know is what’s your favorite vegetable?

Kerrelyn: Hmm, vegetables. Long, hard vegetables. Carrots? No, something thicker. Zucchini or cucumbers. Yeah, that’s it. And don’t forget the lubrication—I mean the olive oil. Whew, is it hot in here? Pardon me while I go turn down the air conditioning.

Jaunty: Okay, actually only Anne wanted to know that, but now that that crucial question is out of the way, we can talk about your books!

Kerrelyn: Yeah, Anne, I know you like them raw!

Jaunty: Your new release is VAMPS IN THE CITY. Tell us a bit about it.

Kerrelyn: Okay. First off, the title got changed to VAMPS AND THE CITY. Big change, but you’ll be glad to know that I recovered from it like a champ.

The city is New York, and the Vamps are mostly the ex-harem of Roman Draganesti (the hero in How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire). The lady vamps need a new master, preferably a rich one, since they’re not accustomed to doing anything but wearing out-of-style clothes and sipping hot Chocolood (Vampire Fusion Cuisine drink of chocolate and blood). Where can they find a master who will take care of them?

They’ll find him on a vampire reality show! The Digital Vampire Network hosts its first reality show, The Sexiest Man on Earth. The winner will receive millions of dollars and the harem. Darcy Newhart, the heroine of this crazy story, will be the show’s director. Is she a vampire or not? Only her hairdresser knows for sure. She selects 15 gorgeous hunks to vie for the title of Sexiest Man on Earth. Just to make the show more interesting, she plans to make male vampires compete with male mortals.

Meanwhile, the CIA Stake-Out team decides to go undercover in the vampire world. Two men from the team try out for the reality show and get on. One in particular matches Darcy’s ideal of the Sexiest Man on Earth. What’s the harm in a little offstage romance? But when the sparks start flying, the secrets pop out. How can their love ever survive? Who will win the Sexiest Man on Earth? And what will he do with a harem of vampire women? See VAMPS AND THE CITY for all the answers and a rollicking good time.

Jaunty: How did you come up with the idea for such original books about vampires? Shana heard a rumor you were on drugs…

Kerrelyn: Drugs! Ha! I categorically deny that! Except maybe once. Or twice. Yes, I admit it. I was zonked out of my mind on Nyquil. In my defense, I can only say I really did have a bad case of the flu. And I don’t drink (or do drugs), so the Nyquil really did a number on my head. I was already flirting with the idea of doing a contemporary vampire comedy, but since I had written historicals before, I wasn’t sure I could successfully pull off a contemporary. My insecurity had made me too afraid to write, but the Nyquil removed those inhibitions. I sat down and wrote some crazy stuff that had me laughing—it was so much fun!!

I sent three chapters to my agent, who loved it and sent it out to a bunch of publishers. Within a week, we had several offers!! I was so excited when we sold to Avon, but then reality hit. Horror of horrors! I was healthy! How could I finish the book without the aid of Nyquil? You’ll be glad to know that I did, indeed, finish that book and others without resorting to any drugs whatsoever. Well, caffeine, maybe…

Jaunty: You also published an historical novel, FOR LOVE OR COUNTRY. Any plans to go back to historicals? Do you find writing historicals very different from writing contemporaries?

Kerrelyn: I would love to write historicals, too, but right now, I barely have time to keep up with all these vampires. I still read a bunch of historicals, and I love them—especially those written by the Jaunty Quills!! I have great admiration for historical authors. Having written both, I can tell you that writing historicals is harder. Every word that comes out of a character’s mouth must be suited to the time period.

I’m finding that with the vampires, I have the best of both worlds. Some of the vamps are hundreds of years old and haven’t quite kept up with the flow of time. This was really evident with the harem. I had two medieval ladies, a Regency lady, a Southern Belle from the Civil War period, and a woman from WWII—all stuck in their respective time periods. It was a lot of fun!!

Jaunty: One thing that always stands out about your work is your sense of humor. Is writing funny something that comes naturally or do you work at it?

Kerrelyn: Both. Sometimes, the humor comes easily. Sometimes, it takes days to come up with the perfect line. But the reader doesn’t know that, so I have the lovely benefit of appearing more clever than I really am. I am a mixture of silliness and determination—otherwise, the books would not get finished. Thank God I can make money doing this.

Jaunty: Here’s a question you probably get asked a lot, but how did you become a writer? Did you always want to be one or did you have other ambitions growing up?

Kerrelyn: I’ve always loved to read. And for years, I thought that being a writer would be the absolute coolest job in the world. I just didn’t think I could do it. So, I spent years doing other things that I loved—like being a mom and teaching history and French. But always, in the back of my mind, was that secret wish that I could do the impossible. I was in my 40s when I realized that I seemed to be getting older at a much faster pace each year, and if I didn’t try the impossible, I would regret it. So, I tried. And I got published! And then, I slapped myself in the forehead and said, “Why didn’t I try this earlier?” But I wasn’t ready for it yet. We’re all on our own road going the speed that’s right for us. All I can do is keep moving forward and try to enjoy the journey without criticizing myself too much along the way.

Jaunty: Finally, what can we look forward to from Kerrelyn Sparks?

Kerrelyn: More books, more laughs, more wrinkles, but hopefully, not another fifty pounds. Writing is so hard—why doesn’t it burn more calories? Oh, cruel world.

Seriously, which is hard for me, there are more vampire books coming soon. After reading the first book, How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire, and the second book, Vamps and the City, you will hopefully be enthralled and completely under my power. Then, in November, you will eagerly rush out to buy an anthology titled Sugarplums and Scandal. (Only those deeply enthralled would be able to purchase a book with a title like that!) In that anthology, you will find a novella titled “A Very Vampy Christmas.” It’s Maggie’s story.

Sometime in 2007, the third full-length book will appear. It’s Angus MacKay’s story and has the working title of Vampires in Kilts. That title will most likely change, so please check my website at www.kerrelynsparks.com to learn what the new title turns out to be. Here are a few of the wonderful suggestions I made—Vampires on Viagra, The Undead in my Bed, Vampires: Boxers or Briefs?, Under the Vampire’s Kilt, or A Hard Vamp is Good to Find. I’m sure my editor will be pleased with those choices!!

My thanks to all the wonderfully talented Jaunty Quills for allowing me to visit for the day. And my thanks to all the lovely readers out there for supporting romance! Be bold, be brave, be batty!

THANKS, KERRELYN! All you Jaunties out there, for more info and to see a picture of the lovely and talented Kerrelyn Sparks (sorry, no zucchinis or cucumbers in evidence) visit her website at http://www.kerrelynsparks.com/

I am SO ready for some decent films to come along. Ever since we stopped needing a babysitter, my husband and I have had sort of a loose standing date to go to the movies at some point during the weekend. But the choices lately have been abysmal! I’m hoping all that will change with Memorial Day.

Bring on the summer fluff movies – I love ‘em! Summer is when we first got Pirates of the Carribean and Independence Day. We first saw Men in Black in the summer, and so many others I can hardly remember. Last summer it was War of the Worlds, which fell flat for me. I was sort of rooting for the aliens rather than TC.

We saw Poseidon last weekend and … well, my fingernails are gone, and Josh Lucas was a treat to watch [sigh] … but the movie had nothing going for it other than special effects. I’m anxious to see Pirates II (although a little worried about the sequel). The DaVinci Code is on my list, but we won’t be there the first day. I enjoyed the first X-Men movies and we’ll probably go again, but I’m not all that excited about it. And what about romantic comedies? Are there any on the horizon?

What summer movies are you looking forward to?

Yup, that’s me at the Grand Canyon. Yup, that’s my book at the Grand Canyon below. Yup, I’m a nerd.

I’m thinking of toting one of my books around to see the world. Kinda like the Travelocity gnome. I’ve always wanted one of those guys.

But onto more serious matters, on Friday I got a chance to visit the Grand Canyon, something I’ve always wanted to do. We have talked about where in the world we would go if we had the chance/time/resources, but where in the States (or your home country) do you long to visit? There are so many cool places to go and adventures to try, all within a day or two’s drive.

So which place at “home” is at the top of your list? Anywhere is fair game — somewhere that you haven’t been or an old favorite awaiting your return. The Pacific Ocean? Carlsbad Caverns? The Grand Canyon? The Mall of America? New York City? Cedar Point? Disney World/Land? Boundary Waters? And if you have a favorite picture online from a previous adventure, stick a link in the comments and let us oooh and ahhh over you!

Anne being a complete nutjob:

Shana, I feel your pain, and I didn’t find your post the least bit funny — those SCPs can escalate to hair-pulling intensity. It’s no laughing matter when a problem hits that close to home. During revisions for What an Earl Wants, I had to cut and cut and cut some more lines and scenes with secondary characters. Half the lines belonging to Thompson, my favorite footman, ended up on the cutting room floor, poor guy. But he was stealing too many scenes. Add him to the cast of thousands, all those servants pairing up and running off, and my hero and heroine were in danger of getting lost in the crowd. The cuts hurt, but it made the book better.

When I was writing Kiss From a Rogue, Tony’s friends Nick and Alistair were so charming and charismatic, they kept taking over the scenes and overshadowing Tony. Knowing as you all do how I feel about the actor I cast as Tony, you can imagine just how charismatic these guys had to be to overshadow him. I knew they were both hero material from the first time they walked on stage. Alas, so did they, and they certainly didn’t want to wait until the third or fourth book for their story to be told. But I reined them in, partly through my edits, partly through the brutal but necessary slash and burn cutting my editor did. With the smoke cleared, Tony shines in his book, as he should.

I just turned in Alistair’s story (Confessions of a Viscount will be released in December 2006), and again had to wrestle with Nick, who tried to steal every scene he was in. That’s just the kind of guy he is. And being the kind of guy he is, now that I finally am working on the proposal for his story, he is causing problems of a different sort. I’ve given him such a strong reason as to why he can’t win the girl during the black moment, he agrees there’s no possible happy ending for them, and has gone off with his Uncle Jack to a smoky dive of a pub to drown his sorrows in rum. But my editor is waiting to receive a proposal for a book that has a happy ending…

Meanwhile, Nick’s adversary (who only has a temporary placeholder name so far, though I know exactly what he looks like thanks to a picture I saw on the web) keeps reminding me, in a very polite but persistent voice, that he is indeed the hero of his own story, and fully expects to be redeemed and star in the next book. Never mind that Steven, Alistair’s new brother-in-law, was expecting his book to be next.

Y’know, sometimes I think the fictional men in my life are way more trouble than those of flesh and blood.

What is it about American Idol that fascinates me? Every week I look forward to Tuesday nights so I can be glued to my set at 7pm (central time).

I love to hear the contestants sing, see what they’re wearing and listen to the judge’s comments (especially Simon). Simon reminds me of House (anyone watch that show?)….you just never know what is going to come out of his mouth.

I feel empathy for the contestants. I know how hard it is to do your best, put your work (whether a song or a book proposal) out there, and then wait in breathless anticipation of a judge (editor)’s comments. Sometimes I get the feeling we are all waiting for someone to validate that our writing (our singing) is good before we believe it is.

And, just like readers with their favorite authors, everyone listening to American Idol has a favorite contestant. Mine was Chris (who just got kicked off this week). Though I’m not a heavy rock fan, I liked the quality of his voice. It was different, unique (much like a writer’s voice)…and I firmly believe that he’ll have a successful music career (even though he didn’t win the contest)

Again, let’s compare it to writing….awards are nice, finishing first in contests is great, having a Top Pick in RT is a cause for celebration, but we all know any or all of these things doesn’t necessarily translate into more book sales or a spot on the Best Seller lists.

Who do I want to win American Idol? I think Taylor, because I like his attitude. He truly seems to love what he does, for him singing isn’t just a job, it’s a passion. And he has his own style, too….anyone remember Joe Cocker? Doesn’t Taylor’s voice sort of remind you of Joe?

Anyway, only three more days until they sing again and only four until we learn who will be the next to go. Any predictions? I thought Katherine would go this week…but she hung in there. Anyone think she’ll make the finals??

I had to rewrite the first few chapters of my work in progress AGAIN this week. The problem? I had a secondary character problem (SCP). I didn’t know I had an SCP until I called my critique partner Christina Hergenrader and asked her to give me more feedback on the first three chapters.

I know. Right now, you’re all: aw, poor Shana has an SCP. It’s so sad.

But here’s the part where you won’t feel sorry for me. Tina had already critiqued the chapters and said pretty good things about them. What that enough for me? No, I wanted to hear more. Was my writing brilliant, witty, and sparkling?

Or—gulp—just okay? Mediocre? Not too shabby?

I was sort of hoping for the first three.

What I got was an SCP.

Here’s the conversation:
Me: So, I read the critique, and I can fix that fight scene.
Tina: Yeah, it needed some internal dialogue or something.
Me: Oh, no problem. But what I was wondering was if you had any general comments on the book? [Here’s where she’s supposed to say the witty, sparkling, brilliant part]
Tina: Well, I think it’s great so far. I like all the characters. The only problem–
Me: [She said problem. There’s a problem?]
Tina:–is Mr. Dover.
Me: There’s a problem with Mr. Dover? He’s supposed to be the hero in the next book.
Tina: He doesn’t have much of a personality. I think you need to work on him more.

The conversation continued, and we brainstormed ideas about how to fix Mr. Dover, but when we got off the phone, I knew that I had a bad case of SCP. Was it terminal? Possibly. Quite possibly for Mr. Dover.

See, no matter which way I turned Mr. Dover, he just wasn’t hero material. He was comic relief, and everyone knows heroes aren’t funny. Well, they can be funny, but I’ve done a funny hero (Freddie in PRIDE AND PETTICOATS).

The other SCP? I had a secondary character who was trying to take over. But he wasn’t exactly hero material either. He has a small problem with kleptomania.

So I had to take a step back and think about what secondary characters are good for.
1. Comic relief—They can be funny and quirky.

2. Backstory—They talk with the hero or heroine about his or her past, so the reader has an idea why the heroine hates men or the hero never wants to marry.

3. Instigator—They cause problems that force the hero or heroine to act. This is turn shows us more about the hero or heroine because their actions reveal their personality.

4. Villain—They’re the antagonist for the hero or heroine.

5. Wait for their own book—In a series, often the secondary character in one book is the hero or heroine in another. In this case, the secondary character’s job is to charm the reader into wanting to see more of him or her. In which case, the author had better be very careful and plan well if the secondary character is comic relief or a villain.

So my poor Mr. Dover (and the heroine refers to him this way a lot), just wasn’t going to cut it as the hero of the next book, while the hero’s brother was trying very hard to prove that he is hero material (despite his propensity to take things that don’t belong to him).

Now the questions: Can I reform Jack’s brother? Will Mr. Dover ever get his own book? With all these secondary characters, will Maddie and Jack ever get together?

Oh, right. The hero and heroine. Hmmm…almost forgot about them. Back to the drawing board.