At least that’s how it feels to me some times. I go to get my hair cut, and the girl who washes it tells me she is writing a book. I go to the bank, and the teller informs me that her niece is an unpublished poet. I go to the drug store, and the clerk tells me she’s always wanted to be a writer.

Aside from the fact that I obviously tell way too many people that I’m a writer, it amazes me that so many other people want to write books.

Why, people? It’s frickin’ hard. It’s not fun or glamorous or exciting. It’s lonely and boring and gives you a headache. Seriously. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have to. But if I didn’t write all these stories down, I think they would drive me crazy. I itch to tell them.

And maybe you do to. Okay, so this is for all you hairstylists, bank tellers, clerks, postal workers—all of you people itching to write…

How to Write a Book (that will be published)
1. You have to have an idea.
Not just an idea, a good idea. It has to be different enough from everyone else’s to catch an editor’s interest, but similar enough to all the other books being published as to be marketable. Got that? Different but the same.
2. You have to write the whole book.
I know you have heard stories of people who sold books on ideas or one chapter, but if that was going to happen to you, it probably would have already. Which means, you have to sit at the computer for however long it takes and write the whole entire book (this could be months or even years).
3. The book has to be good.
It’s not enough to know all the rules of spelling and punctuation, you have to know about characterization and conflict (external and internal), goals, and motivation. You have know about plot structure and scene and sequel and point of view and piddly things like word count and margins. You’ve got to know how to write good dialogue and good narrative, how to transition between scenes and how to write chapter hooks. You also have to know how to revise and edit, how to layer and add and when to cut.

You have to know a lot. You learn that by reading books on writing and by writing itself. Every book you write is a learning experience (hint: you may have to write more than one book, if you want to publish).
4.You have to know the business.
You’re probably going to need an agent, and there are thousands of them. So you have to research which one is right for you, submit query letters (oh, you have to know how to write one of those) and proposals (you need to know how to do that, too), and then wait and hope the right agent—not just any agent—snaps you up. See, the wrong agent or a bad agent is worse than no agent, so choose carefully or—that’s right—you’re doomed.
5.You have to be able to deal with rejection.
A lot of those agents are going to tell you that they don’t think your book is good. And then if you get an agent, a bunch of editors are going to tell you the same thing. (And then if you publish the book, a bunch of people who you don’t know but who hate you for whatever reason are going to blog about how lame your book is, how much the cover sucks, and how they wasted $5.99 on you). So you have to be tough. You can’t cry and give up and never write again. You have to have faith in yourself because that’s the thing about writing. You have to do it alone. No one can hold your hand and give you the words or the confidence to do it.
6. You need a rich husband.
Writing does not pay what you think it does. No, no, no. Forget Nora Roberts and JK Rowling and Stephen King. They are lucky and they didn’t make millions over night. They struggled, and you probably will, too. So if you didn’t marry rich…
7. You need to give up your social life.
You have a book to write. You don’t have time to watch TV, go to the movies, read books (except what you have to read to make yourself a better writer), or go out with your friends. Forget all that. You suffer for your art (and yes, that’s a picture of me before my wedding signing a book. You’re always working).

So you still want to be a writer? After all that? Okay, then I have one last three-pronged piece of advice. And this is what I’m going to tell everyone who asks me how to get published or write a book from now on. Ready?

Believe in yourself, trust yourself, and never give up.

That’s it. That’s all I know. Does it work? You tell me.