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Everything changes. For some of you, that’s good news. “You mean, I don’t have to stay at this job/in this relationship/in this house forever?”
For me, change has always been difficult. I don’t do well with even small upheavals, not to mention the major ones. But they keep coming anyway.
The biggest change for me this week is that I moved. I’m sure my move was no worse than any of yours have been. Nothing really important got broken. The movers were sort of not really on time, they only took seven or eight smoke breaks, and they only dropped about 4 or 5 things.
And yet when all the stuff had gone from one place to the next, I didn’t feel any better. Was moving really the right decision? Was everything better here than in the last house? There I had a place for everything. In this new house, I don’t know where anything goes, and when I put something somewhere I question if that’s the best place for it.
Wondering, questioning, doubting…they’re all part of changing.
And that’s how writing is as well. I have to start a new book on Monday. Well, actually, I’ve started it, but my editor didn’t like it. She liked the premise, but she didn’t like the hero or the heroine or the whole way the book was going.
So this is the hard part about being a writer. You have to decide how to fix the problems. If a book is like a home, then my job is to decide whether I need to simply move a lamp, rearrange the whole room, or pick up and just move on.
If the book isn’t working, how much do I unpack before I call the movers, buy boxes, and start over? Most of us try pretty hard to make something work before we commit to a change that drastic. I’m no exception. When my editor says she likes the premise, that makes me think my house—the structure of it—is secure. It’s the inside that needs some work. So I start thinking about my hero and heroine, their needs, their motivations, what makes them tick.
And that’s where posts like Robyn’s on Archetypes and Margo’s on Plots come in handy. It’s not that I can pick an archetype and pick a plot and write a book. But archetypes, plots, tried-and-true conflicts are a starting place that help fill the blank page, much like a new coat of paint brightens the white walls of a room.
So Monday, in my new house, I start working on my sort of new book. It’s exciting; it’s scary; it’s not my favorite thing. And I just keep wishing I still lived in my old house or was writing one of my books that’s already done. The boxes and the questions are long gone. Everything is comfortable and you know where everything goes.
So, console me. I don’t really have it so bad, do I? What’s a few boxes and little chaos? Tell me the biggest change in your life or the story of your worst move. How’d you deal with it? Was it exciting? Terrifying? Did it all work out okay in the end?
Filed in: Jaunty Post,Writers and Writing
Apr 28th
2006
9:16 am
Robyn DeHart Said:
My life turned upside down sometime in 2004 when I met my know husband. Shortly after we started dating I sold to Avon. So I had all the excitement from that as well as a new relationship. We got engaged after 6 months and took another 5 months to plan a wedding, all the while I’m writing my 2nd book. After we got home from the honeymoon my new husband got deathly ill and I had to take him to the ER in the middle of the night – it hit me then, I was the adult, I was in charge. How did that happen? He got well, then he went on an interview, got a job in TN, so we decided to move 1000 miles away from the only home I’d ever known and all of my family. My first book came out two weeks before I moved – at the same time, my editor left Avon and I was in limbo without a new contract. While packing for the big move one morning my husband had a seizure and again another trip to the ER. And I had to leave him to trek to TN while he went through tests without me and I moved all of our stuff and our two cats. All was fine with him medically, but at this point I’m thinking he’s really pushing that in sickness and health part. He defends his dissertation and follows me to TN a week later and immidiatly starts his new job. Five months after moving here we decide to start a family. Two months after that we discover I have infertility issues. Go to a clinic and expect to have to shell out thousands of dollars and boom, the first treatment works. Phew! Change? I know a little about it. HA!
I only say all this to say you’re so not alone and I could so feel you when you were talking about not knowing where things go. Take your time in making decisions and remind yourself that none of them are wrong. It’s your house and you can put stuff wherever you want it and paint the walls whatever color you fancy. Enjoy yourself if you can. As for the book, yeah I’m sure we’ve all been there – I know I have with the last book. It’s really difficult to come up with a new vision and new characters. But I have no doubt you’ll do it. You’re an excellent writer, but this part can leave you feeling like a fraud with no strong legs to stand on. But the Quills are here for you.
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Apr 28th
2006
9:24 am
Shana Said:
Wow…well that was a doozy. Robyn, how did you do it? I feel better already. And love your attitude, Robyn. It’s so important to count your blessings.
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Apr 28th
2006
11:27 am
Shirley Karr Said:
16 years ago last month, my dh & I quit our jobs in Sacramento and moved to Portland. We had no jobs lined up, our nearest relatives were three hours away, and we didn’t even have a rental history since we’d been apt. managers. All we knew was that I was going back to school full-time, and we wanted to put down roots — something you can’t do as an apt mgr. We somehow found a place willing to rent to us despite our lack of employment or payment history, with our two cats. I started school, and began writing what was to become my first book. Less than a month later, I came home and found hubby there several hours early — he’d had enough, and quit his job. Now *that’s* scary. Since he’d wanted me to concentrate on school, I wasn’t working, either. I saw our savings evaporating, and pictured the four of us living in our rusty Chevy S-10.
But he quickly found a better job, I graduated with a 4.0, and was well on my way to being a writer, though I didn’t know it at the time. Having been an Air Force brat, I admit I’m better prepared than most civilians for all the trauma inherent in moving, but you have to think of it as an adventure. A chance to start over. Your house may never be this clean again!
And I am *so* ready to start work on a new proposal next week, but I have to finish these #$%^&* revisions first.
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Apr 28th
2006
12:01 pm
Lacey Kaye Said:
Change. Embrace it. You have to trust your own decisions or they’ll never be the right ones. Instead of seeing these challenges as obstacles, see them as chances to prove your mettle. You wouldn’t have come this far if you were inept!
*hugs*
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Apr 28th
2006
2:04 pm
Haven Rich Said:
Have I mentioned that I’m also moving. To a place I’ve never been, never wanted to go, and still have no wish to be there. *huge sigh* This past week we’ve had to move all sorts of junk around, mind you we live with the in-laws so it’s all their junk, so workers could actually work on the house. I’ve never felt so cluttered in my life. We have boxes stacked taller than me (btw I’m 5ft 2in) and I feel like they are closing in on me. ACKKSSS I need a vacation from this house.
The father-in-law has found a house he likes over close to New Orleans and I’m not just boucing off the walls with joy. I hate moving. If it’s within the same town/city, I’m ok. But this packing up moving to a place I’ve never been, it’s just wrong.
And they say men have trouble dealing with change lol. I can handle change within a house…wild paint, new furniture..no problem.
All I can say Shane, is best of luck on finding the right spot for everything and just be glad your at least in the same town.
BTW not to point out the painful truth on this matter, but did you know in just two months the hurricane season starts again?? And here I’m moving to the place that was hit hardest last year…uggg the stress.
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Apr 28th
2006
2:36 pm
Haven Rich Said:
Ok first, this storm is really messing with my internet connection..I had this great reply all typed out..grr.
Anyhow, let me try and recall what I just said..
We’ve had workers here all week, which means the husband and I have had to move junk around (meaning the in-laws stuff). And to make matters worse, this has left me feeling as if the walls/boxes are falling in on me (btw I’m 5ft 2in and they stand taller than me).
The next thing is, we are moving soon, which I don’t want to do, to a place I have never been, never wanted to go or ever wished to live. So as you can see I’m bouncing with joy..umm not.
So Shane, all I can say is although you may not have enjoyed your move, at least your still in the same town/city. BTW I’m sure you’ll find the perfect place for everything soon enough.
Just for the record: In just a few months the hurricane season will begin again and we just happen to be moving to the one place that was hit the hardest…stress anyone??
Hope ya’ll have a good day, while I try to find my way to the other room…someone clear a path.
ps. I also mentioned this on my private blog lol.
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Apr 28th
2006
4:24 pm
Robyn DeHart Said:
How did I do it? I don’t know. I guess just one day at a time. Also, when I was unpacking here, I unpacked all the big stuff, kitchen, clothes, books, etc. And then I left a box a day for a while until it was done. It only took me a month or so to get it all out and organized. I’m still not totally happy with every little thing, so I change things as needed. But I would write my pages for the day and then get up and unpack. For the first week, I had help too – my mom and in-laws since we moved so far, they came to help.
As for everything else, attitude helps. Just be thankful for what you have and let each day come as it does. I’m sure you’re doing a great job, it just might not feel like it yet. But you’ll settle in before you know it and this place will feel like home.
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Apr 28th
2006
4:59 pm
Shana Said:
Haven, I was actually thinking of you when I was writing this post. I know you’re moving to NO, and I wondered how hard it must be to move to a different city. I know when I was young, we moved from Michigan to Texas. My dad was already working in Houston, so my mom had to sell the house, pack it up, and drive me and my little sister all the way to Texas on her own. We arrived, and my mom got to see her new house for the first time (my dad had to buy it without her seeing it). That’s just amazing to me now. My mom was maybe a year or two older than I am now when she did all that, yet I still feel so inept at this kind of stuff (like Robyn realizing she was the adult). I guess we all do what has to be done when the time comes. Thanks for all the stories!
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Apr 28th
2006
5:29 pm
Janelle Said:
*grimaces* I know stress! My husband and I decided to move to Iowa so he could pursue his doctorate. With two kids, this was manageable. Totally manageable.
Except that I found out I was pregnant (this was back in January) due to a birth control malfunction (the malfunction was actually my fault, but I like to transfer blame where I can). Still doable. Not impossible. So we move with an infant. One infant.
Except that I’m having triplets. In a different state. With a different doctor. With two other children. In August, I will have 5 children under the age of 3.
I do know what stress feels like…
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Apr 28th
2006
6:05 pm
Shana Said:
Oh, Janelle, that does NOT make me feel better. Now I’m stressed out for you! Triplets…I can’t even imagine having triplets without other kids and a move. But I’m sure you can do it. And remember that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…but maybe that’s not such a helpful quote right now. How about, “Hang in there!”
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Apr 28th
2006
8:18 pm
Robyn DeHart Said:
Whoa, Janelle! My DH and I were tempting fate a bit with the infertility treatments to have multiple births, but alas we just have one. But three, the natural way. And 5 kids under 3 – wow, you’re a super hero!
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