November 22, 2005
Change
Written by Margo Maguire in Jaunty PostI guess change is an integral part of life, as much as we struggle against it. In the past, my family has always kept certain traditions for the holidays. These traditions have been pretty much sacrosanct – don’t let my kids hear that we might do something different! I usually host Thanksgiving for my side of the family and any of my husband’s siblings who are on the loose. We have Christmas Eve with my family – usually at my mom’s, and Christmas Day with the inlaws.
This year, things have really changed. We became empty-nesters in late August when our youngest son went away to college. Three days later, my mom died after a brief illness, and my husband started a new job the day after her funeral. It seemed like everything was in flux, good mixed with bad, although the bad was overwhelmingly potent.
I think we’ve all been dreading the holidays, aware that even if we follow tradition to the letter, there will be a huge void in the festivities. Part of me wants to do something entirely different – like go on a cruise! The other part wants to do what we’ve always done, maybe to prove that we can actually do it – we can go on, we can survive.
So Thursday will be a big test for all of us, especially for my four siblings and me, to see how we manage our loss and to be thankful that we were all able put our own lives on hold in order to take care of my mom in the last weeks of her life. I’m sure the first holiday without her will be the hardest, and though we’ll always miss her, we’ll eventually adapt to the change.
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April Redmon Says:
Margo– I feel ya! I hate to hear of your loss. We lost my Dad (lung and brain cancer, 3 wks after diagnosis) nearly 5 years ago now, and all those firsts are so hard. Change is hard, much more so when it is thrust upon you.
When I was a kid, it all seemed like thigns would stay as they were forever. But reality crashed in after my Grandpa died. Then my beloved aunt and uncle were unable to come for Christmas because of work, then my Grandma remarried. After that, things were level for awhile, then the inevitable changes began their cycle again.
Adjustment is hard, and at times heartbreaking. Wanting to do things different than the norm can help with the hurt, yet there is comfort in trying to uphold traditions too.
You’ll make it. Just hold your memories in your heart, and make new ones every day. ((((HUGS)))
Anne Mallory Says:
Margo, major hugs to you and your family this Thanksgiving.
It’s the perfect time to give thanks for all the wonderful things your Mom did and was — and the wonderful family she created.
AndreaW Says:
Margo, I’m very sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. We lost my grandmother (who I was very close to) on Christmas Eve two years ago, and it doesn’t seem the same without her. I bought a special ornament (to represent her) to put on my Christmas tree every year, so that in a way, she’s still with us.
Haven Rich Says:
(((((Margo))))
I know the holiday season is hard to deal with after a family member passes away. This year will be the first without my grandpa. He passed away only a few days before July 4th. This has been very hard on our entire family but my mom who has been the rock for everyone has been hit the hardest.
It’s sad to say that this year I can’t go to my family’s house for Thanksgiving due to my husband’s job and I’m sure this is very hard for my mom.
Traditions are hard to break but sometimes it cant be helped. I wish your family the best and maybe you can find a new holiday tradition.
Robyn DeHart Says:
Margo, you and your siblings will do just fine. You’re a close knit family and while you’ll certainly miss your mother, I’m sure there will be laughter laced amidst the tears. Enjoy your family and your Thanksgiving. I’ll be thinking about you.
Kimberly Logan Says:
I’ve found that holidays can be rough even at the best of times, but they are especially so whenever you have suffered the loss of a beloved family member. I’m sending you lots of hugs, Margo. Hold tight to the rest of your family. When you band together, you are the stronger for it.
Margo Maguire Says:
Thanks everyone, for your words of encouragement. Since I’m hosting, I’m hoping I’ll be too busy to think too much. Then it’s onward to the next hurtle. Changes, right?